how to overcome family problems essay

Greater Good Science Center • Magazine • In Action • In Education

Family Conflict Is Normal; It’s the Repair That Matters

Three months into the pandemic, I had the urge to see my 28-year-old daughter and her husband, 2,000 miles away. She had weathered an acute health crisis, followed by community protests that propelled them both onto the streets to serve food and clean up neighborhoods. They were coping, but the accumulation of challenges made the mom in me want to connect with and support them. So, together with my husband, my other daughter, and her husband, our family of six adults and two dogs formed a new pod inside my daughter’s home in the steamy heat of the Minneapolis summer.

As I packed, a wisp of doubt crept in. We six hadn’t lived together under the same roof, ever . Would I blow it? Would I “flap my lips,” as a friend calls it, and accidentally say something hurtful? Some time back, in a careless moment of exhaustion, I had insulted my brand-new son-in-law with a thoughtless remark. He was rightfully hurt, and it took a long letter and a phone call to get us back on track.

My own siblings and I were raised inside the intractable rupture that was my parents’ marriage. Their lifelong conflict sowed discord and division in everyone around them. I worked hard to create a different, positive family climate with my husband and our children. My old ghosts were haunting me, though, and I didn’t want to ruin a good thing. 

Yet research shows that it’s not realistic, or possible, or even healthy to expect that our relationships will be harmonious all the time. Everything we know from developmental science and research on families suggests that rifts will happen—and what matters more is how you respond to them. With many families spending more time together than ever now, there are ample opportunities for tension and hurt feelings. These moments also offer ample invitations to reconnect.

Disconnections are a fact of life

Researcher Ed Tronick, together with colleague Andrew Gianino, calculated how often infants and caregivers are attuned to each other. (Attunement is a back-and-forth rhythm of interaction where partners share positive emotions.) They found that it’s surprisingly little. Even in healthy, securely attached relationships, caregivers and babies are in sync only 30% of the time. The other 70%, they’re mismatched, out of synch, or making repairs and coming back together. Cheeringly, even babies work toward repairs with their gazes, smiles, gestures, protests, and calls.

These mismatches and repairs are critical, Tronick explains. They’re important for growing children’s self-regulation, coping, and resilience. It is through these mismatches—in small, manageable doses—that babies, and later children, learn that the world does not track them perfectly. These small exposures to the micro-stress of unpleasant feelings, followed by the pleasant feelings that accompany repair, or coming back together, are what give them manageable practice in keeping their boat afloat when the waters are choppy. Put another way, if a caregiver met all of their child’s needs perfectly, it would actually get in the way of the child’s development. 
 “Repairing ruptures is the most essential thing in parenting,” says UCLA neuropsychiatrist Dan Siegel , director of the Mindsight Institute and author of several books on interpersonal neurobiology.

Life is a series of mismatches, miscommunications, and misattunements that are quickly repaired, says Tronick , and then again become miscoordinated and stressful, and again are repaired. This occurs thousands of times in a day, and millions of times over a year.

Greater Good in Spanish

Read this article in Spanish on La Red Hispana, the public-facing media outlet and distribution house of HCN , focused on educating, inspiring, and informing 40 million U.S. Hispanics.

Other research shows that children have more conflicts and repairs with friends than non-friends. Sibling conflict is legendary; and adults’ conflicts escalate when they become parents. If interpersonal conflict is unavoidable—and even necessary—then the only way we can maintain important relationships is to get better at re-synchronizing them, and especially at tending to repairs when they rupture.

“Relationships shrink to the size of the field of repair,” says Rick Hanson , psychologist and author of several books on the neuroscience of well-being. “But a bid for a repair is one of the sweetest and most vulnerable and important kinds of communication that humans offer to each other,” he adds. “It says you value the relationship.”

Strengthening the family fabric

In a small Canadian study , researchers examined how parents of four- to seven-year-old children strengthened, harmed, or repaired their relationships with their children. Parents said their relationships with their children were strengthened by “horizontal” or egalitarian exchanges like playing together, negotiating, taking turns, compromising, having fun, or sharing psychological intimacy—in other words, respecting and enjoying one another. Their relationships were harmed by an over-reliance on power and authority, and especially by stonewalling tactics like the “silent treatment.” When missteps happened, parents repaired and restored intimacy by expressing warmth and affection, talking about what happened, and apologizing.

This model of strengthening, harming, and repairing can help you think about your own interactions. When a family relationship is already positive, there is a foundation of trust and a belief in the other’s good intentions, which helps everyone restore more easily from minor ruptures. For this reason, it helps to proactively tend the fabric of family relationships. 
 That can begin with simply building up an investment of positive interactions:

• Spend “special time” with each child individually to create more space to deepen your one-to-one relationship. Let them control the agenda and decide how long you spend together.
• Appreciate out loud, share gratitude reflections, and notice the good in your children intermittently throughout the day or week.

You also want to watch out for ways you might harm the relationship. If you’re ever unsure about a child’s motives, check their intentions behind their behaviors and don’t assume they were ill-intentioned. Language like, “I noticed that…” or “Tell me what happened…” or “And then what happened?” can help you begin to understand an experience from the child’s point of view.

A Loving Space for Kids’ Emotions

Show love to your children by helping them process emotions

When speaking to a child, consider how they might receive what you’re saying. Remember that words and silence have weight; children are “ emotional Geiger counters ” and read your feelings much more than they process your words. If you are working through feelings or traumas that have nothing to do with them, take care to be responsible for your own feelings and take a moment to calm yourself before speaking.

In this context of connection and understanding, you can then create a family culture where rifts are expected and repairs are welcomed:

• Watch for tiny bids for repairs . Sometimes we have so much on our minds that we miss the look, gesture, or expression in a child that shows that what they really want is to reconnect.
• Normalize requests like “I need a repair” or “Can we have a redo?” We need to be able to let others know when the relationship has been harmed.
• Likewise, if you think you might have stepped on someone’s toes, circle back to check. Catching a misstep early can help.

When you’re annoyed by a family member’s behavior, try to frame your request for change in positive language; that is, say what you want them to do rather than what you don’t. Language like, “I have a request…” or “Would you be willing to…?” keeps the exchange more neutral and helps the recipient stay engaged rather than getting defensive.

You can also model healthy repairs with people around you, so they are normalized and children see their usefulness in real time. Children benefit when they watch adults resolve conflict constructively.


Four steps to an authentic repair

There are infinite varieties of repairs, and they can vary in a number of ways, depending on your child’s age and temperament, and how serious the rift was.

Infants need physical contact and the restoration of love and security. Older children need affection and more words. Teenagers may need more complex conversations. Individual children vary in their styles—some need more words than others, and what is hurtful to one child may not faze another child. Also, your style might not match the child’s, requiring you to stretch further.

Some glitches are little and may just need a check-in, but deeper wounds need more attention. Keep the apology in proportion to the hurt. What’s important is not your judgment of how hurt someone should be, but the actual felt experience of the child’s hurt. A one-time apology may suffice, but some repairs need to be acknowledged frequently over time to really stitch that fabric back together. It’s often helpful to check in later to see if the amends are working.

While each repair is unique, authentic repairs typically involve the same steps.

1. Acknowledge the offense. First, try to understand the hurt you caused. It doesn’t matter if it was unintentional or what your reasons were. This is the time to turn off your own defense system and focus on understanding and naming the other person’s pain or anger.

Sometimes you need to check your understanding. Begin slowly: “Did I hurt you? Help me understand how.” This can be humbling and requires that we listen with an open heart as we take in the other person’s perspective.

Try not to undermine the apology by adding on any caveats, like blaming the child for being sensitive or ill-behaved or deserving of what happened. Any attempt to gloss over, minimize, or dilute the wound is not an authentic repair. Children have a keen sense for authenticity. Faking it or overwhelming them will not work.

A spiritual teacher reminded me of an old saying, “It is acknowledging the wound that gets the thorn out.” It’s what reconnects our humanity.

Making an Effective Apology

A good apology involves more than saying "sorry"

2. Express remorse. Here, a sincere “I’m sorry” is sufficient.

Don’t add anything to it. One of the mistakes adults often make, according to therapist and author Harriet Lerner , is to tack on a discipline component: “Don’t let it happen again,” or “Next time, you’re really going to get it.” This, says Lerner, is what prevents children from learning to use apologies themselves. 
 Apologizing can be tricky for adults. It might feel beneath us, or we may fear that we’re giving away our power. We shouldn’t have to apologize to a child, because as adults we are always right, right? Of course not. But it’s easy to get stuck in a vertical power relationship to our child that makes backtracking hard.

On the other hand, some adults—especially women, says Rick Hanson —can go overboard and be too effusive, too obsequious, or even too quick in their efforts to apologize. This can make the apology more about yourself than the person who was hurt. Or it could be a symptom of a need for one’s own boundary work.   

There is no perfect formula for an apology except that it be delivered in a way that acknowledges the wound and makes amends. And there can be different paths to that. Our family sometimes uses a jokey, “You were right, I was wrong, you were right, I was wrong, you were right, I was wrong,” to playfully acknowledge light transgressions. Some apologies are nonverbal: My father atoned for missing all of my childhood birthdays when he traveled 2,000 miles to surprise me at my doorstep for an adult birthday. Words are not his strong suit, but his planning, effort, and showing up was the repair. Apologies can take on all kinds of tones and qualities.

3. Consider offering a brief explanation. If you sense that the other person is open to listening, you can provide a brief explanation of your point of view, but use caution, as this can be a slippery slope. Feel into how much is enough. The focus of the apology is on the wounded person’s experience. If an explanation helps, fine, but it shouldn’t derail the intent. This is not the time to add in your own grievances—that’s a conversation for a different time.

4. Express your sincere intention to fix the situation and to prevent it from happening again. With a child, especially, try to be concrete and actionable about how the same mistake can be prevented in the future. “I’m going to try really hard to…” and “Let’s check back in to see how it’s feeling…” can be a start.

Remember to forgive yourself, too. This is a tender process, we are all works in progress, and adults are still developing. I know I am.

Prior to our visit, my daughter and I had a phone conversation. We shared our excitement about the rare chance to spend so much time together. Then we gingerly expressed our concerns.

 “I’m afraid we’ll get on each other’s nerves,” I said.

“I’m afraid I’ll be cooking and cleaning the whole time,” she replied.

So we strategized about preventing these foibles. She made a spreadsheet of chores where everyone signed up for a turn cooking and cleaning, and we discussed the space needs that people would have for working and making phone calls.

Then I drew a breath and took a page from the science. “I think we have to expect that conflicts are going to happen,” I said. “It’s how we work through them that will matter. The love is in the repair.”

This article is excerpted from a longer article on Diana Divecha’s blog, developmentalscience.com.

About the Author

Diana Divecha

Diana Divecha, Ph.D. , is a developmental psychologist, an assistant clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center and Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, and on the advisory board of the Greater Good Science Center. Her blog is developmentalscience.com .

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How to Write the Overcoming Challenges Essay + Example

April 17, 2023

At some point, most college-bound students are tasked with writing an overcoming challenges essay. The prompt crops up in various forms, as a supplemental short essay about overcoming a challenge, and in as the main essay itself.

Some students may feel inclined to write about a dramatic experience (say, spotting a grizzly bear outside the kitchen window), mistaking the drama of the moment for a significant challenge. Others may get to work, only to realize they don’t have much to say about the time they got a C in P.E. (that dreaded frisbee unit). Students who’ve overcome unspeakable difficulties, like a death in the family, may find that reducing the tragedy to 650 words feels insufficient, or worse—as if they’re attempting to profit from suffering. One or two students may stare down the blank computer screen as their entire existence shrinks to the size of a 12-point font. Should they write about the challenge of writing about the challenge of writing an overcoming challenges essay??

Don’t worry. Focusing first on how to tackle the essay will help any student decide what they should write about. In fact, how the essay is written will also prove more influential than the challenge itself in determining the strength of the essay.

Decoding the Prompt

Let’s take a look at the overcoming challenges essay question included among the seven 2023-24 Common App Essay Prompts :

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Notice how the prompt places an immediate emphasis on the “lessons we take,” rather than on the obstacles themselves, or any potential success. This is because the challenge itself often says less about the student than the way the student chose to tackle it, or the way they now reflect on it. In other words, obstacles often come at us randomly; it’s our personal response to the circumstances which reveals something of who we are.

While studying a prompt for clues, it’s helpful to think from the perspective of the admissions officer (the essay reader). What can they glean from an overcoming challenges essay?  A lot, actually. A thoughtfully written essay may tell them about the student’s personality, as well as things like problem-solving techniques, rigor, persistence, creativity, and courage. These insights can work to prove to the admissions officers that the student has what it takes to overcome challenges in college, too. These future challenges may range from the inevitable academic obstacles that occur with heavy courseloads, to social and moral challenges that arise as college students form their adult identities.

Picking Your Topic: A Brainstorming Activity

With the question of identity in mind, let’s now approach the overcoming challenges essay backwards, by brainstorming the final message the student wants it to contain.

For this three-part exercise, the student will first set a five-minute timer. With the clock ticking, they’ll jot down character traits, values, and any descriptive words or terms that say something about who they are. If stumped, change perspective. The student may imagine what their best friends, parents, coaches and siblings would say. (For example, tenacious , logical , scientific , peacemaker .) Even mild criticism can be helpful, as long as it’s not cruel. While a student’s brother may call him a “perfectionist,” perhaps this word will trigger other relevant words, like persistent and detail-oriented.

Next, the student will set the timer for another five minutes, pull out a second sheet of paper, and jot down any challenges, obstacles, setbacks, failures, and achievements that come to mind. Don’t hold back here or overanalyze. (For example: underdog at state swim meet , getting lost on the family hike , petitioning for a school compost system …)

Lastly, the student will place the two pages side by side, and draw lines between the items on the list wherever connections occur. One student may draw lines between persistent , curious , gamer , passionate about electronics , and saved the day during the power outage. Another set of lines might connect caring, observant, creative thinker , and helped sister leave abusive cult . Whatever ideas are sparked here, the goal is to identify which challenges will demonstrate something essential about the student to an admissions officer.

Topics to Avoid

The internet is rife with advice on what not to write when writing an overcoming challenges essay. Yet this advice can be confusing, or downright hypocritical. For instance, some may advise against writing about death. Yet a student who lost their father at an early age may be capable of writing a poignant essay about their search for an alternative father figure, and how they found one in their soccer coach.

I suggest avoiding guides on what not to write until after the student has done a thorough round of brainstorming. Otherwise, they risk censoring themselves too early, and may reject a promising idea. Once they’ve narrowed down their list to three ideas or less, they may want to check our guide on College Application Essay Topics to Avoid .

The reason why certain types of overcoming challenges essays miss the mark is that they emphasize the wrong aspect of the experience, which turns the topic into a cliché. While it’s generally a good idea to avoid trivial topics (again, that C in P.E.), any topic has the potential to be compelling, if it’s animated through personal opinions, insight, and description. Details bring an experience to life. Structure and reflection make an essay convincing. In other words, how the story is told will determine whether or not the topic is worth writing about.

So, rather than avoid specific topics, consider avoiding these scenarios: if you can’t show the essay to your best friend or grandmother, it’s probably not ready to show a college admissions officer. If you must write a clichéd topic, don’t choose a typical structure.

Techniques to Hone

Techniques that animate an overcoming challenges essay are the same ones used in storytelling. Think setting, visuals, sounds, dialogue, physical sensations, and feelings. “Showing” instead of “telling.” Crafting the essay with these inner and external details will bring the challenge to life, and catch the reader’s attention.

Another technique which works well when trying to avoid the trappings of cliché involve subverting the reader’s expectations. In storytelling terms, this is a plot twist. The student who got a C in P.E. may actually have a stellar essay on their hands, if they can break away from the “bad grade” trope (working harder to improve their grade). Perhaps this student’s story is actually about how, while sitting on the bleachers and not participating in the game, they found themselves watching the frisbee spin through the air, and realized they had a deep interest in the movement of astronomical bodies.

Some of the strongest overcoming challenges essays demonstrate what students have learned about themselves, rather than what they’ve learned about the obstacle they confronted. These essays may show how the student has come to see themselves differently, or how they’ve decided to change, thanks to the challenge they faced. These essays work because the reflection is natural and even profound, based on the student’s self-awareness.

Writing the Overcoming Challenges Essay, or Drafts, Drafts, Drafts

Everyone writes differently, some by outlining (never a bad idea), some by free-styling (good for capturing sensations and memories), some by lighting a candle—but don’t procrastinate too much. The only “must” is to revise. After a first draft, the student should begin to look for several things:

1) Clarity and Detail. Is the challenge recounted with precision? Is it personal?

2) Structure. Consider mapping the structure, to visualize it better. Does the structure suit the story? Can it be changed for clarity, or to keep the reader more engaged?

3) Cliché. Identify words, sentences, and ideas that are dull or repetitive. Mark them up, and in the next draft, find ways to rewrite, subvert, condense, and delete.

4) Lesson Learned. Has the student reflected adequately on the lesson they learned from overcoming a challenge? To add more reflection, students might ask themselves what they have felt and thought about the experience since. Would they do something differently, if faced with the same challenge? Has their understanding of the experience evolved over time?

By the final draft, the experience and the reflection should feel equally weighted. To get there, it may take five or six drafts.

Overcoming Challenges Essay Sample

The Happiness Hotline

First there were reports. Then we were told to stop socializing, go inside, wait. Covid struck. Everyone knows what ensued. It probably looked different from where we were all (separately) standing, even though we faced the same thing. Those first weeks, I stood at my bedroom window. It was dark by early evening in Oregon. The weirdest part—after the fact that we were collectively sharing the loneliest experience of our lives—was the silence.

… it was really quiet.

So quiet, I could hear my mom sigh downstairs. (So quiet, I couldn’t remember if I’d hummed aloud, or if I’d just heard myself in my head.) When I looked out the window, I could hear the stoplight at the end of our street. Green to yellow. Click.

Before going on, you should know three things. First, this is not a Covid essay. This is about melancholy, and the “sadness that has taken on lightness,” to quote Italo Calvino. Second, from my bedroom window, I can see down a row of oak trees, past the hospital, to my friend Carlo’s house. Third, Carlo is a jazz singer. Maybe that sounds pretentious, a freshman kid being a jazz singer, but that’s Carlo, and I wouldn’t be me without Carlo being Carlo. He’s someone who appreciates the unhinged rhythm of a Charlie Parker tune. He’s an extrovert who can bring introverts like me out of my shell. He convinced me to learn trombone, and together we riff in the after-school jazz club.

In the first month of the pandemic, we called each other nightly to talk rap albums, school stuff. At Carlo’s house, he could hear a white-crowned sparrow. He could also hear his parents talking numbers behind the bathroom door. The death toll was mounting. The cost of living was going up too. As the month wore on, I began to hear something else in our calls, in the way Carlo paused, or forgot what he was saying. Carlo was scared. He felt sad, isolated, and without his bright energy, I too, felt utterly alone.

Overcoming Challenges Essay Sample (Continued)

After some dark days, I realized that to help ourselves we needed to help others. It was pretty obvious the more I thought about it. People are social creatures, supposedly, even introverts. Maybe our neighbors needed to remember the noisiness of life.

We built a happiness hotline. That sounds fancy, though essentially, we provided three-way calls on my parents’ landline. The harder part involved making flyers and putting them up around town, in places people were still going. Grocery stores, the post office. We made a TikTok account, and then—the phone rang. Our first caller.

For months, if you called in, you could talk to us about your days in lockdown. People went really deep about the meaning of life, and we had to learn on the spot how to respond. I’d become a journalist and a therapist before becoming a sophomore. After chatting, the caller would request a song, and if we knew how to play it, we would. If not, we improvised.

Now we’re seniors in high school. Carlo visits the hospital with band members. As for myself, I’ve been working on a community music book, compiling our callers’ favorite tunes. I don’t want to forget how important it felt to make these connections. Our callers taught me that loneliness is a bit like a virus, a bit like a song. Even when it stops it can come back to haunt you, as a new variant or an old refrain. Still, sadness can take on lightness when voices call through the dark: sparrows, friends, strangers. I learned I’m good at listening into the silence. Listening isn’t only a passive stance, but an open line of receiving.

Analysis of the Overcoming Challenges Essay Sample

This student uses their musical passion to infuse the essay with vivid detail. There’s a focus on sound throughout, from the bird to the stoplight. Then there are the callers, and the clever way the student conceived of breaking through the silence. The narrator’s voice sharpens the piece further, elevating a clichéd Covid essay to a personal story of self-discovery.

In fact, the essay briefly breaks with structure to tell the reader that this is not a Covid essay. Although techniques like this should be used sparingly, it works here by grabbing the reader’s attention. It also allows the student to organize their thoughts on the page, before moving the plot along.

Outwardly, the student is overcoming the challenge of loneliness in a time of quarantine. Yet there seems to be an inner, unspoken challenge as well, that of coming to terms with the student’s introverted personality. The essay’s reflection occurs in the final paragraph, making the essay experience-heavy. However, clues woven throughout point to the reflection that will come. Details like the Italo Calvino quote hint at the later understanding of how to alleviate loneliness. While some readers might prefer more development, the various themes are threaded throughout, which makes for a satisfying ending.

A Last Word on the Short Essay About Overcoming Challenges

The short essay about overcoming a challenge requires the same steps as a longer one. To write it, follow the same brainstorming activity, then focus more on condensing and summarizing the experience. Students who’ve already written a longer overcoming challenges essay can approach the short essay about overcoming a challenge by streamlining. Instead of deleting all the extra bits, keep two interesting details that will flavor the essay with something memorable and unique.

• College Essay

Kaylen Baker

With a BA in Literary Studies from Middlebury College, an MFA in Fiction from Columbia University, and a Master’s in Translation from Université Paris 8 Vincennes-Saint-Denis, Kaylen has been working with students on their writing for over five years. Previously, Kaylen taught a fiction course for high school students as part of Columbia Artists/Teachers, and served as an English Language Assistant for the French National Department of Education. Kaylen is an experienced writer/translator whose work has been featured in Los Angeles Review, Hybrid, San Francisco Bay Guardian, France Today, and Honolulu Weekly, among others.

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All families deal with relationship difficulties, small or large, at various times throughout the family experience. Family problems come in all shapes and sizes, impacting family dynamics and shaping family relationships. The ways that family members cope with and solve issues provide a framework for family dynamics and set the tone for family life. 

How to Solve Family Problems

• Create an Environment of Sharing
• Acknowledge the Problem
• Get to the Deeper Issue
• Focus on the Relationship – Let Go of Anger and Pride
• Get Professional Help

Remember to Take Care of Yourself

Creating a family culture of openness and security, and taking the steps to resolve family issues, can improve relationships and maintain positive family dynamics. 

Common Family Problems

Families face a variety of problems, both large and small. Family conflict and relationship problems can include arguments, miscommunication, and misunderstanding. They also can involve deeper issues such as substance abuse, financial instability, mental illness, grief, health problems, and divorce. Sometimes, these issues exist between only two family members, and other times they spread throughout the entire family, creating extended family issues . Some issues, like grief after the loss of a loved one, appear plainly on the surface, while others can be more subtle. Perhaps your child refuses to communicate with you, or your wife doesn’t seem to be a happily married woman .

Family issues often have underlying causes which are not always apparent.. And yet the impact of these root causes can spread throughout the family, creates conflict or emotional strain in several family relationships. Such conflict is especially impactful on a child’s life, creating emotional difficulties that are often carried from their childhood and adolescence into their adult lives and future family relationships.

Create an Environment of Sharing 

Families are built on relationships, and relationships are strengthened through healthy communication. An environment of sharing creates the foundation for healthy communication. Family members need to feel safe to share their feelings and discuss their issues and emotions. As a family oriented parent , that means allowing your child to share their point of view without fear of judgment or punishment. Sometimes, a child just needs to feel certain that what they say will be taken seriously. A child who feels safe can talk about difficult or emotional subjects, such as mental health, self-identity, anxiety, or substance abuse. Children who feel safe and respected are much more likely to open up to a parent when struggling with a situation or trying to make a difficult decision. This is also true for other family relationships—not just between parent and child, but between siblings and within the marriage.

Ways to achieve an environment of sharing include:

• Listen. Really listen to the other person before providing advice or counsel. Sometimes, it is better to first ask if advice is welcome. If the answer is no, let it go and follow up later.
• Be willing to share your own feelings. Sometimes things seem obvious to us, but they may not be obvious to your child, spouse, or sibling. Sharing your own feelings without placing blame can bring up new points of view.
• Speak for yourself and avoid blame. When sharing your perspective, present it as just that - your perspective and not the facts. 
• Recognize others’ experiences as valid. Telling others how they feel or should feel creates barriers and discourages sharing.
• Be human. Admitting you are wrong, or that you made a mistake, can help others feel more comfortable to admit their own mistakes.
• Model the behavior you want to see. We are all influenced by the people who surround us. Modeling healthy ways to express thoughts and emotions encourages others to do the same.
• Do things together. Families that spend time together engaged in positive activities achieve a sense of closeness that encourages open communication and sharing. Explore shared interests, sports, or service ideas for families . Activities that involve serving others and getting outside are especially fulfilling and often instigate future conversations and closer relationships.

Sharing openly among family members sets the stage for solving family problems and preventing future issues from arising.

Acknowledge the Family Problem 

Sometimes family problems stem from  something simple like a lack of closeness. Other times the problems involve something much more serious, like abuse. Acknowledging that a problem exists is the first step in doing something to fix the situation. Ignoring issues and pretending everything is fine are common unhealthy coping mechanisms for family members experiencing relationship conflict or emotionally difficult situations. 

Lack of acknowledgment can exacerbate issues, fuel negative situations, and culminate in negative or damaging behavior, such as lashing out in anger, aggressive argument, substance abuse, or family violence. Acknowledging a problem as early as possible allows positive action to be taken toward fixing the situation, and may prevent unhealthy coping mechanisms that lead to negative situations.

Sometimes we avoid discussing problems because our past efforts to do so only seemed to make things worse. As a result, we believe that avoiding is better than continuing to fight. In truth, avoiding instead of fighting just leads to other side effects in families. Feeling stuck is often a sign that involving a third party is needed, such as a good marriage and family therapist.

Get to the Deeper Family Issue

After acknowledging that a problem exists, steps can be taken to identify the source of the problem and improve the situation. Most family problems are merely symptoms on the surface of a deeper-rooted cause. Knowing the cause paves the way for greater empathy among family members and illuminates situations that require change. Here are some examples of family problems and their deeper issues:

Conflict between siblings – The majority of families will experience some sibling conflict between children at various times. But if that conflict extends beyond the occasional bickering to consistent emotional arguing or angry or hurtful behavior, then a deeper issue is likely the cause. That deeper issue could involve jealousy or feelings of inadequacy, where one child feels overshadowed by the other. One child could be putting pressure on the other to keep a secret from their parents (such as breaking a rule or lying). The cause could also be external, affecting one child who in turn uses their sibling as a dump truck for unloading their stress, frustration, or anger. 

Alcohol abuse or other substance abuse – Family members who abuse alcohol or other substances are often using the activity as an escape mechanism. They could be escaping from a difficult emotional situation, such as grief over the loss of a loved one, financial instability, marriage conflict, or divorce. Or, they could be escaping from physical pain from illness or other health problems. Professional help from a therapist or support group can help to break down the deeper issues that lead people to substance abuse and start them on the road to recovery.

Stress and anxiety in children – These are common effects of a variety of deeper issues. Often, anxiety is triggered by an event or a difficult situation. The stress that stems from it leads to further anxiety, creating a cyclical pattern. The root of the anxiety could be a social issue at school or concern for a friend. It could relate to feeling overwhelmed in school or struggling with an undiagnosed learning disorder. Children often perceive more than they let on and could be reacting to a passing comment from a parent, such as “Our budget is tight this month.” Talking with your child and maintaining trust through open communication encourages children to reveal the source of their anxiety.

Sometimes, identifying the deeper issue and bringing it out in the open is all it takes to resolve a problem. Other times, merely identifying the root cause is just the beginning of the long road to resolution. This important and necessary step will help to develop a plan for resolving issues and encourage understanding within family relationships.

Focus on the Family Relationship – Let Go of Anger and Pride 

Anger and pride are the enemies of healthy family relationships. They feed negative emotions, hamper empathy and understanding, and thwart positive and open communication. Holding on to these feelings blocks the path to conflict resolution. Anger and pride are divisive to family relationships and damaging to individual mental health. They are fuel for the cyclical patterns of stress, anxiety, and depression. Despite knowing this, however, letting go of such emotions can be difficult – and sometimes painful. The fear of pain, vulnerability, or failure are often what keeps a person from improving their family relationships and focusing on the importance of family .

One of the best ways to move beyond that fear is to focus on the relationship. Prioritize the goal—a healthier, happier relationship—over the fear of being hurt or the fear of failure. When family problems exist, a person has usually been hurt already, which makes the fear of being hurt again even greater. But while that risk of further hurt is real, the potential for healing and resolution is also real. Focusing on that potential, and letting go of those negative emotions, opens the door to healthier communication, relationship healing, and better mental health.

Get Professional Family Help

Getting professional help is one of the best ways to handle family problems. Some situations, such as those involving abuse, dangerous behavior, or domestic violence, require immediate professional help and formal family assessment . In other situations, such as ongoing disagreements over a certain topic or lack of closeness within a marriage, brief therapy help can provide the catalyst you need to get unstuck and achieve the fulfilling relationship that you each desire.

Many people hold back from seeking professional help because of fears or misunderstandings. Here are some facts about therapy that help to debunk some of these common myths and misconceptions:

Therapy is for everyone - A common misconception about therapy is that it is reserved for people with mental illness, individuals with an emotional disorder, or people who are too weak to handle their own problems. This could not be further from the truth. As humans, we need other humans to work through issues with us. Therapy provides a safe, confidential environment to do just that. 

Professional help is available for all types of issues, whether large or small, and in a variety of formats. Family therapy, marriage counseling, support groups, and individual sessions with a therapist are just a few examples. There is also a variety of specialties, including psychology, psychiatry, religious counseling, and much more. At the end of the day, therapy is merely a safe space to work through your family problems with the support of a trained professional.

Therapy is worth your time - Another common misconception is that therapy is a waste of time or money. You could talk to anyone, so why talk to a therapist? Therapists have special expertise gained through extensive professional training. They will not only help you talk about your family issues but will help you to develop strategies for resolving difficult situations. A family therapist can also discuss various types of issues you may be dealing with, and different options for resolution or treatment, such as new scientific approaches to treating a specific issues.

Therapy is safe - One myth about therapy is that there are risks. The risk of being judged (by the therapist or by friends and family) or the risk of being medicated. On the contrary, therapy provides a safe and confidential space to explore all options for healing. Often, professional counseling is all that is needed or desired for family conflict resolution.

Professional help can provide growth and healing for a parent, child, or an entire family, improving family dynamics and emotional health. It can provide mediation and conflict resolution within a marriage, between siblings, or any type of family relationship. Think about the type of support (such as family therapy, religious counseling, or psychiatry) that feels right for your family and seek it out.

It is true that the quality of the professional you work with can make a big difference in the outcome of your therapy. For this reason, it’s often best to seek a referral from a trusted friend or family member. If that feels uncomfortable, consider asking for a referral from your family doctor. If you’ve had a negative experience in the past, consider giving it another try, this time with a trusted referral.

Taking care of yourself and maintaining your mental health is essential when attempting to solve family issues. Maintaining positive, healthy family dynamics starts with a healthy self. Being in a healthy mental space allows you to let go of negative emotions. This, in turn, paves the way for safe and open communication between family members and helps the entire family focus on relationships. 

Not only does this place you in the right frame of mind to address family conflict, but it models a healthy example for your children to do the same. It is integral to maintaining a strong family structure that provides a sense of stability and security for children. For a parent, maintaining your mental health can provide you with the strength and perspective needed to maintain the necessary qualities of a good father and mother, such as understanding and empathy.

Taking care of yourself is often easier said than done, especially while feelings of stress, anxiety, or emotional dissatisfaction prevail. Finding a healthy outlet to decompress and let go of stress and other negative emotions can help to maintain a healthy state of mind. Choose a regular time in your schedule just for maintaining you. This could include a daily exercise routine, a therapeutic hobby (such as gardening or journaling), or a weekly therapy session. Taking care of yourself leaves you open to model healthy behavior for your children and to focus on family relationships.

Impact of Family Problems

When not addressed, family problems can have serious impacts on individual family members. Issues such as increased levels of stress and anxiety, emotional difficulties and disorders (such as depression), substance abuse, and addiction, are all likely to surface. Sometimes, these impacts carry on throughout a child’s life. Family problems can especially impact children, who are often capable of perceiving much more than one might think. Children may also perceive a problem, but not be able to fully understand it. Such misunderstandings can lead to greater issues, further affecting family dynamics and individual emotions. Where family issues exist, acknowledge the problem, and take the steps to resolution.

Solving Family Problems

Families experience a wide range of issues, some small and some large. These issues typically involve strain or conflict within family relationships. They can have lasting impacts on individual family members, especially children. Taking steps to address family issues, and seeking resolution among family relationships can ease emotions, promote mental health, and maintain a positive family culture. A family culture quiz by Kinmundo is an easy way for families to evaluate and improve the culture within their family.  

A positive family culture requires a structure built on family values that maintains a safe environment for sharing. Open communication in an environment safe from fears of judgment provides a model of stability and security for family members to acknowledge and address important issues with understanding and empathy. Creating such a culture is paramount to solving family issues when they arise.

A family that feels open and safe to share emotions, acknowledge issues, and seek help when needed can maintain positive relationships and mental health. When family members are prepared to resolve family conflict, they can reduce the lasting impacts of difficult situations and fix relationships that may seem broken.

5 Ways to Become a More Family Oriented…

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The 10 Most Common Family Problems and How to Deal with Them

If you are suffering from family problems that you can’t get away through, then you are not alone. Everyone suffers through that when living in a family. Marrying the person you love and starting a family is not a fairy tale after all. Some problems come across the journey, but there are also plenty of ways to handle those issues.

Every family has issues and the sooner we realise that there is no ‘perfect happy ending’ to any story, the better we will be at handling the situation. Every person has flaws and so does every family. But, the problems you might be facing are very common even if you think you have got the worst scenario of all.

Let’s see what are the most common family problems and how you can handle them.

1. Arguments All The Time

There are better fights that clear the air and then, there are bad ones ruining the environment for everyone. These sort of fight cracks up the relationships, and are so frustrating as well. Sometimes, in a relationship, it is all about how you are arguing instead of what you are arguing about.

So, it is better to stay calm, take a step back, and weight for the negative vibes to leave the room. If you are arguing with the same intensity as the other person, then there is no handling such family issues.

2. Parenting Decisions

Most of the time, family fights are all about how the kids should be raised. It all starts with the decision of whether to have or not have the kids. Moving on further, you might be fighting over the disciplinary training, schooling, religion, and lots of other things about the kid. It is okay to have a disagreement as you are two separate individuals but such family issues shouldn’t destroy your relationship.

Make a priority list and have a decent mature discussion about what should be done in that area. If you have made through this marriage, you can find your way through this.

3. Balancing Home and Work-Life

Life is unfair sometimes. You have dreams but to accomplish them you have to give up your family time sometimes. You do this for your family, but most of the time they don’t understand. It is not their fault.

You just need to manage your time a bit more. No need to be hard on yourself or the family. Just understand that the quality time that you spend with each other matters the most. So, take out some time for them as well.

4. Getting The Family Organised

It is hard enough to get yourself organised, now you have a family to take care of. When you have a partner and kids to manage, chaos is inevitable. And, sometimes it ends up badly.

So, it is better to seek a smart solution. Several apps let you manage your chores, make up a routine, and help with other things. Also, you can keep everyone around you motivated to help you and play the role in the family to avoid such family issues.

5. Lack of Proper Communication

It is fine when you are interested in making yourself clear to a colleague. But, you must not take the same practise at home. When there is miscommunication among family members, a lot of things go wrong. Communication is the issue of every relationship. If you are weak at it, relationships cannot grow.

If you are having trouble clearing things out, you must talk to them and sort out a solution. It is always better to communicate better than to miscommunicate.

6. Some Members Stress You Out

It can your wife, husband, siblings, kids, or anyone who is the source of your stress when you just enter the house. Personal clashes are always stressful and tough. Sometimes, they drive us crazy.

If you have some of these members at home, it is better to be ready before you enter the home. It hurts to face the surprising conflict than to be already ready for it. Give yourself time and understand that they are not going to change.

7. Dividing Up the Chores

When it is about chores, nobody enjoys them. But since they teach us many things. You can’t just avoid this. You got to teach your kids how they can play a role in the family and why they should. Though it is not an easy task there are ways to do it.

Make family rules and use parental control apps to control their screen time. Show them who is the boss and get them to share your burden for good.

8. Being Far from The Family

If you are not near to your family, it is a big stress for you. The holidays are the toughest times when you are not with them. Getting homesick can happen at any time.

You can video chat with them, talk to them most of the time to get rid of this homesickness. Make good friends around you who make you feel at home.

9. A Member Is Suffering from Mental Illness

When one of the family members is suffering from mental illness, it is one of the hardest family issues to handle. It is a serious issue and it can affect the family members with high intensity. But, these people need your support the most.

However, professional help is a must. You must not ignore the issue just because that person is a family member. Have patience and call for professional help whenever it is necessary.

10. Divorce in the Family

Divorce destroys a family. It is one of the really ugly family issues. The family structure is surely disturbed because of this. But, you must be there for your family and give them an ear or shoulder to cry one. You must not lash out on them or leave them at this hour of need.

Divorce is difficult for everyone. So, get help if you think you need it and be there for your family.

These are some of the most common family problems that you might be facing. Now that you know how to handle them, give your family the happy ending they deserve and have a peaceful life yourself

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How to Nail Your Overcoming Challenges Essays

By Eric Eng

College essays are among the most influential and overlooked portions of college applications. By the time most students get to this part of the admissions process, they’re just ready to get everything completed and submitted so they can finally relax. On the other hand, though, it is the college essay that will help determine if your application gets a second look or is tossed to the side. Writing a personal essay effectively can make a significant difference in your application.

Although all colleges have different essays , many themes span across all of them. One of the most common and difficult prompts includes an essay about overcoming a challenge. Many students get stumped on this seemingly easy prompt for various reasons. When writing a personal essay on this topic, it’s essential to convey your unique experiences and growth.

We will be delving into this essay topic in this blog. We will investigate what the college admission officer is looking for and give you some tips that will help you in writing a personal essay on how to overcome challenges in life.

Diving Deep into the “Overcoming Challenges” Essay

Wondering what are some personal challenge essay examples? As the name implies, the ‘essay about overcoming a challenge’ prompt refers to any college essay question that asks applicants to address a difficult obstacle or challenge that they have had to overcome. There are many variations of the question, but it is essentially always the same basic material. Writing a personal essay for this prompt involves reflecting on these experiences thoughtfully.

College admissions officers are looking at how you cope with adversity and how the challenges you have faced have molded you into the person you are today. Much like many of the other college essay topics , writing a personal essay on overcoming challenges requires you to get a bit personal and open up.

This is an excellent opportunity for applicants to let admissions officers in on more about themselves as a person, helping them further qualify for an acceptance letter. While you may feel the urge to tell one of the most traumatic experiences you’ve gone through in your life, writing a personal essay does not require you to choose the most dramatic story. The challenge may be something very ordinary and common.

Admission officers will read and review your response based on how you faced the challenge, how you overcame it, and what you learned. Writing a personal essay on overcoming challenges is about showing colleges you can deal with setbacks and obstacles in your life and be resilient, resourceful, and able to push through.

No matter where you go, there’s a fair likelihood you’ll run into at least some of the obstacles that are going to be on your way to graduation. Colleges need to know that their students can overcome some of these barriers gracefully. The ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompt helps colleges measure this capacity.

Rundown of Some Personal Challenge Essay Examples

Just to feel your way around what these essays look like, let’s take a glance at some real ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompts. This first one is from Common App , which asks students to respond to the following question with a 650-word limit. When writing a personal essay for this prompt, it’s crucial to address each part thoughtfully.

“The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Describe a problem you’ve solved or a challenge you’ve faced and how you approached it. It can be a challenge you’ve faced, a setback, or a failure. How did it affect you? What did you learn from this experience?”

Notice that the question is not just about some setback or challenge that you had in the past. This is asking how this experience impacted you and changed you up until now. This means the real focus here will be more on how it affected the applicant rather than the seriousness of the challenge itself. Writing a personal essay that effectively highlights this transformation is key.

Another example of an ‘overcoming challenges’ essay question comes from MIT . For the 2018-2020 application, students were asked to answer the following question in 200 to 250 words. When writing a personal essay for this prompt, consider the specific aspects they are asking for.

“Tell us about the most significant challenge you’ve faced or something important that didn’t go according to plan. Tell us what you did to handle the situation.”

This is a ‘managed the situation’ prompt — not what you learn, or how have you been changed as a result. Writing a personal essay for this type of prompt involves focusing on your actions and decision-making process.

It’s important to key into the question because the ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompts are very different in how they are worded and in exactly what they are looking for, even though the overall subject may be the same. Paying attention to these details can ensure you give admissions exactly what they are looking for when reading over your application. Writing a personal essay that addresses these nuances can make a significant impact.

Top Tips for Writing a “How to Overcome Challenges in Life” Essay

Excited to start on your college journey? Keep these tips in mind to ensure that your personal challenge essay impresses the admissions committee of your dream school:

1. Refrain from Writing About Common Topics

One major mistake students make when responding to the ‘overcoming challenges’ essay is writing a personal essay on a common topic. Since admissions officers have to read hundreds if not thousands, of essays answering the same question, writing on a common topic can seem trite and unoriginal.

Even if your essay is pristine, the topic still runs the risk of bringing down your overall response. Instead, it’s best to try and pinpoint a challenge or obstacle you’ve faced in your life that’s unique, or at least not as common. Some common ‘overcoming challenges’ essay topics to avoid include winning a difficult sports game or passing a course in which you were struggling.

Think back to events earlier in your life that impacted how you think and act today. Any of these experiences involved you in challenges you overcame and changed for the better? Don’t be afraid to get vulnerable and open when writing a personal essay. The more concrete, unique, and original you can make the topic, the better your chances at standing out from the crowd when you write your how to overcome challenges in life essay.

2. Highlight Your Emotional Intelligence

Colleges use ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompts to get a better sense of the applicant than other areas of the application would be able to convey. Most notably, these essays are intended to highlight some characteristics that a student might possess that would prove valuable for their time in college. Writing a personal essay on this topic allows you to showcase these attributes effectively.

For example, an experience related to dealing with a challenging event in your life can show mental strength, social tact, perseverance, long-term thinking, follow-through, and other such qualities. One of the strongest ways to make your response even stronger, adding depth to your application, is through writing a personal essay that will reflect certain qualities you want to display to admissions officers. For example, overcoming a disagreement with a friend could strike a chord in you as a meaningful challenge.

However, the qualities it may demonstrate—forgiveness, understanding, and empathy, for example—are not necessarily those that you want to show to the admissions officers. Students should consider in advance what type of qualities they would like to convey in their answers and select a challenge accordingly when writing a personal essay.

Again, what this prompt is looking to effect is some positives about you and your personality. Contemplation, ahead of time, of how your topic is going to be read to the admissions officers can make the overall piece more impactful and calculated.

3. Steer Clear of Common Writing Techniques

Now, here’s the pro tip that most applicants won’t ever think about: this ‘overcoming challenges’ essay can stand out from other responses if one pays attention to its structure.

How you structure your prompt response can make a huge difference to the essay. Even if the topic is original, admissions officers will still spot the duplicated patterns of paragraphs. When writing a personal essay, to make sure that your ‘overcoming challenges’ essay stands out in the colleges’ eyes, you will have to give a due share of attention to how it is written. The majority of students stick to the following pattern:

Describe an event or experience that tested you → Describe how you overcame the challenge.

It’s not that this format is going to damage your essay. The thing is, hitting on something more unique and unexpected helps the essay to stand out. When writing a personal essay, it’s normal to feel stuck especially when you run out of ideas.  Instead of focusing on a singular event or occasion, you could write about a challenge you overcame over a prolonged period and events that helped you to push forward.

If you want to get creative, you could focus on something you’re still in the process of getting over. You could bring it into the present day and talk about what you plan to do in the future. Writing a personal essay with these variations isn’t essential but it is a great way to grab the attention of admissions officers.

4. Pay Attention to the Essay’s Substance

When the prompt asks for a description of an event or obstacle, as in the case of the ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompt, too often students focus on the description of people, places, circumstances, and other physical or tangible things. That is a fine writing skill overall, but you’re not competing for a Pulitzer Prize when writing a personal essay for your college applications.

This all goes to giving admissions exactly what they want, making your responses outstanding, and showing off your strengths in the process. It is, therefore, best to focus more on the internal components of your topic rather than the circumstances. For example, rather than writing about what happened in the challenging event, you should focus on writing a personal essay about how you reacted, how you felt, what you thought, and how you overcame it mentally.

Were you anxious, worried, nervous, scared, confused? Was the event a surprise or frustrating one to you? It is this psychological experience and development in triumph over this obstacle that forms the true story. It’s more engaging; it tells more about who you are and who you became through this process. This narrative can give admissions officers the feeling of knowing you more as a person, which works wonders for making your essay stand out when writing an essay about overcoming a challenge.

5. Show the Impact, Not the Event

As mentioned earlier, the ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompt gives admissions officers a better idea of who you are and how you deal with challenges. There are always some questions about a difficult/challenging situation in your life, but the key emphasis is on the reaction to the situation, rising to the occasion, and becoming a better person out of it. Some students feel a need to focus on the challenge itself, and not necessarily on what was learned from it when writing a personal essay.

Spending too much time describing the event, rather than how it impacted you, can ultimately hurt the quality of your answer. Remember, you are working with a strict word limit. While that varies between each school, many universities only allow applicants a few hundred words in which to respond. When writing a personal essay, the greatest portion of your response should deal with how the event affected your life, not how hard it was or the details about the challenge.

Now, this doesn’t mean you have to explicitly write that ‘from this event, I learned…’ You certainly can make it that evident, but it’s more effective to show the admissions committee rather than telling them by providing examples of how you’re better off having gone through the challenge. For example, let’s say you had a debilitating fear of public speaking .

You overcame this difficulty by joining a debate club and working through the discomfort to become an all-around stronger speaker. Rather than saying, ‘I became more confident in front of crowds,’ describe that transformation by saying, ‘Now, I can even give extemporaneous speeches easily.’ This describes the qualities you have developed, rather than saying them flat-out. When writing a personal essay, it’s one of those small things that can make all the difference for the admissions officers reading your essays.

Ready to Write Your College Application Essay?

You can think of your college application as your college resume. It’s a summary of performance and experience so far and of present knowledge and capability. In effect, the total of your application will be what dictates which college you get into. Writing a personal essay is a crucial part of this application process .

No matter what’s on your college list, it’s critically important to maximize your chances through the best possible college application. That is, saying it is much easier than doing it in a process with so many different parts to a successful college admission . Writing a personal essay effectively can greatly enhance your application. That is where Admission Sight can help!

For the last decade, we have been helping students like you refine applications and increase their chances of getting into their dream universities. And you know what? The results turn out to be great. Writing a personal essay with our guidance can make a significant difference.

Of the students we have helped, about 75% have gone on to be accepted into Ivy League or Top 10 Universities. We offer a range of services to help students enhance their college applications and be better prepared for the entire admission process at college. If you’re ready to get started on acing your college application, contact us today !

Want to assess your chances of admission? Take our FREE chances calculator today!

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How To Level Up Your Overcoming Challenges Essay

This article was written based on the information and opinions presented by Robert Crystal and Kaila Barber in a CollegeVine livestream. You can watch the full livestream for more info.

What’s Covered:

Components of a challenge-based essay, how to structure your essay, challenge-based essay tips.

In this article, we cover ways that you can revise challenge-based personal statements to help highlight your own skills, values, interests, and qualities.

For students who have faced challenges, writing a challenge-based personal statement could be a good option. The challenge-based essay is made up of three main pieces: challenges and effects, steps you took to overcome your challenge, and what you learned.

Clear and Compelling Challenges and Effects

When writing a challenge-based essay, the first step is to make sure that you write about the challenge and its effects clearly and compellingly. You want to avoid leaving any room for interpretation from the reader by simply and concisely outlining your challenges.

Keeping your challenge concise will allow you to show your reader what you went through and how it impacted you, while also leaving space for you to show what you did and what you learned.

For example, if in your essay you mention that you struggled with your mental health, but you don’t provide any other details, the reader will either make their own assumptions about your experience, or they could just skim through your essay without making any assumptions at all. To avoid the challenge of being misinterpreted, it is important for you to be specific about what you have faced.

Steps You Took To Overcome Your Challenge

The next step in a challenge-based essay is to make sure that you’ve elaborated on what you did to overcome your challenge. While your challenge is important, the admissions officer is more curious about what you did to overcome your challenge and the steps that you took to make your situation better. 

What You Learned

The last part of a challenge based-essay is a section in which you elaborate on what you learned. Here, you should build upon what you did to overcome your challenge by including what you learned from overcoming it. This is your teaching moment to show that you reflect and learn from your experiences and environment.

As you write, keep in mind that each component should make up about one-third of your essay. This is important because it is common for students to focus mainly on what the challenge is and write 45% to 50% of the essay talking about the challenge and its impact. 

Instead, you should split your essay into thirds, with challenges and effects, what you did, and what you learned each taking up approximately one-third of your total word count. Approaching your essay in this way provides you with two-thirds of the essay to show your values and personal growth. 

There are several handy tips that can help you write a challenge-based essay like this. These tips include, in addition to writing clearly and concisely to build a compelling narrative, using active verbs, including your insights, and connecting everything back to your values.

Use Active Verbs

When talking about what you did to overcome the challenge, it is important to use active verbs. Examples of active verbs include words like customized, designed, facilitated, recruited, and restructured. Active verbs clearly and specifically show the reader what you did, and these are most crucial to include when you write about the steps you took to overcome an obstacle.

Include a Strong Insight and Connect to Your Values

During the “what you learned” section, make sure that the insights that you include are strong. Strong insights demonstrate to the reader how you’ve made meaning from the challenge that you’ve faced, and are an opportunity for you to showcase your values, self-awareness and critical thinking.

This essay should be written in a way that makes your core values clear to the reader. One exercise that you can do to help find connections and linkages to your core values is to consider guiding questions like the following: 

• What did you do as a result of your challenge? 
• What moment did something change for you? 
• Did you take responsibility for anything you hadn’t before? 
• Did you start paying for things? 
• Did you learn a new piece of technology? 
• Did you help someone or did someone help you?

As you write and revise, you can use these guiding questions, and questions like them, to reflect and become more aware of your own core values. You may find that once you clarify and include more of your own values, your insights are strengthened.

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79 Family Problems Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

🏆 best family problems topic ideas & essay examples, 🥇 most interesting family problems topics to write about, 📌 simple & easy family problems essay titles, ❓ research questions about family problems.

• Family and Culture: Major Problems Facing Families Around the World Many of these family changes have come because of the result of globalization, which has occurred mainly due to the sophisticated technology available in the current world.
• Vulnerable Families: Problems With Access to Healthcare Families with complex needs or vulnerable families are terms used to describe the families with particular disadvantages in access to healthcare.
• The American Family: Current Problems It seems that the American families are under strain because there is a lack of a normative structure that would provide the parents with the necessary tools to orient their families.
• Marriage and Family Problems as Social Issues Sociology as a discipline has an extremely wide range of interests and it is next to impossible even to enumerate them, however the issue that has always been of the utmost importance for the sociological […]
• Family Assessment in a Problem Oriented Record According to the available information the power relations in the family is on his side and the bulk of family responsibilities are reserved for Naomi.
• Problem-Solving: Adolescent and Family However, it is possible to conclude that the reason for Brandon’s stress is his biased attitude towards his father and his father’s girlfriend, not only in his being abused by his father.
• The Problem of Work-Family Imbalance in Society The absence of the mother in the family probably contributes to the work-family imbalance problem that Chris is facing in raising his son.
• Problems in Marriage – The Weakening of Families The nuclear family begins from the father followed by the mother and then the children while the extended family begins from the grandfather down to the youngest grandchild in the family.
• Relation of Family Problems to Patterns of Delinquent Involvement Among Urban Youth
• Family Problems Among Recently Returned Military Veterans Referred for a Mental Health Evaluation
• Psychological and Family Problems Associated With Learning Disabilities: Assessment and Intervention
• Assessing Individual Family Members’ Constructions of Family Problems
• Economic Problems Causing Marriage and Family Problems
• Elderly Abuse, Teenage Pregnancy, and Proposed Solutions to These Two Family Problems
• Determinants of Work-Related Family Problems Among Employed Parents
• Matching Family Problems With Specific Family Preservation Services
• Coping Profiles Associated With Psychiatric, Physical Health, Work, and Family Problems
• Wrestling With Expatriate Family Problems: Japanese Experience in East Asia
• Family Problems and Relationships for Adults With Borderline Personality Disorder
• Treatment of Family Problems in Autism
• Crack and Cocaine Users and Family Problems Caused by Their Addiction
• Effects of Parental Divorce and Memories of Family Problems on Relationships Between Adult Children and Their Parents
• The Association of Alcohol and Family Problems in a Remote Indigenous Australian Community
• Relationship Between Suicidal Ideation and Family Problems Among Young Callers to the Japanese Crisis Hotline
• Work Status, Financial Stress, Family Problems, and Gender Differences in the Prevalence of Depression in Chile
• Delinquency and Family Problems in Incarcerated Adolescents With and Without a History of Inhalant Use
• Conceptual Issues in Measuring and Assessing Family Problems
• The Influence of Family Problems and Conflicts on Suicidal Ideation and Suicide Attempts in Elderly People
• Producing Family Problems: Organization and Uses of the Family Perspective and Rhetoric in Family Therapy
• Identity Status of Turkish University Students in Relation to Their Evaluation of Family Problems
• Interactions of Gender and Race in Workers’ Help Seeking for Family Problems: Perceptions of Supervisor Support and Intervention
• The Relationships Among Family Problems, Friends’ Troubled Behavior, and High Risk Youths’ Alcohol Use and Delinquent Behavior
• Conditions Not Attributable to a Mental Disorder: An Epidemiological Study of Family Problems
• Preventing Family Problems: Troubling Trends and Promising Opportunities
• Use of School and Community Health Care Resources for Behavioral, Educational, and Social-Family Problems
• An Evaluation of the Psychosocial Problems of the Homebound Cancer Patient: Patient Adjustment and Family Problems
• Female Gender, Marital and Family Problems, and Feelings of Guilt Are Related to Self-Immolation Suicide Attempts
• Prisoner Re-Entry, Family Problems and State Coercion in the Era of Neoliberalism
• Gender Differences in an Exploratory Model of Family Problems and Stress-Related Experiences Among Justice-Involved Youth
• Baccalaureate Student Perceptions of Challenging Family Problems: Building Bridges to Acceptance
• Family Problems and Sports Performance: The Role of Couple’s Therapy in Treating Athletes and Their Families
• Family Problems and Family Therapy in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
• Family Problems, Mental Health and Trauma Experiences of Justice-Involved Youth
• Another Look at the Diagnosis and Treatment of Orthodox Jewish Family Problems
• Police Intervention Into Family Crisis: The Role of Law Enforcement in Family Problems
• Family Problems and Children’s Competencies Over the Early Elementary School Years
• Family Problems Associated With the Presence of a Child With Handicap in Nigeria
• The Secondary Emotional, Social, and Family Problems Found With Children and Adolescents With Learning Disabilities
• How Can We Solve Family Problems?
• What Are the Possible Consequences of Family Problems for Children?
• How Do Teens Deal With Family Problems?
• Will It Be Easier to Let Go With Families Problems by Ignoring Them, Instead of Always Thinking About Them?
• What Are the Family Problems That Arise After Marriage?
• What Are the Biggest Contemporary Family Problems?
• How To Avoid Marital Problems With Teens?
• Is Domestic Violence One of the Graetest Family Problems?
• What Are the Four Types of Family Problems?
• Which Are the Worst Family Problems That You Have Ever Faced?
• What Family Problems Do People Face Today?
• Do Family Problems Affect Pregnancy?
• What Are China’s Modern Family Problems?
• How Can I Avoid Family Problems During Pregnancy?
• What Are the Family Problems in Saudi Arabia?
• How to Cope With Family Problems Without Losing Your Sanity?
• What Are the Main Family Problems?
• How Can Family Problems Be Improved?
• How Do Parents Solve Family Problems?
• What Are Common Family Problems?
• How Can Family Problems Affect a Child?
• How Can We Avoid Our Family Problems After Marriage?
• What Are the Five Causes of Family Problems?
• How Do You Ignore Family Problems?
• When Your Relatives Ignore Family Problems, Can You Break the Cycle on Your Own?
• How Does Family Problems Affect Mental Health?
• Is There Anyone in the World Who Doesn’t Have Family Problems?
• What Are the Causes of Family Problems Between Husband and Wife?
• How to Resolve Family Problems Till They Get Too Far?
• What Are the Social Causes of Family Problems?
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How to Answer the Essay Prompt "Describe a Challenge You Overcame"

Late fall is officially college admissions season! Some students have already sent in their early decision applications and are working hard on those regular decision deadlines, which means it may be time to work on your essays.

These essays from the Common App , Coalition App , or your prospective school’s specific format can vary in topic, and you may get to choose what you write about. But no matter the school or set of schools to which you’re applying, you will likely come across a version of the “Describe a Challenge You Overcame” or “Overcoming a Challenge” essay prompt.

For some people, the answer to this could be evident. But if you have no idea what to write about, the first rule is:

Don’t panic

So many students are plagued with questions like: What if I’ve never overcome an obstacle? Is my life boring? What if I have nothing to write about, and the admissions officers hate me? What if they judge me for what I've been through?

Deep breath.

All of these fears are normal, but everyone has overcome some sort of challenge or obstacle, whether small or completely overwhelming. By being authentic to yourself, yours will be compelling to readers and help them get to know the kind of student you are now and will be at their college or university.

You will need more than panicking to help you write an essay. Remember that everyone has something valuable to say, and the obstacle you choose will matter less than your ability to write about it and highlight your resilience.

Brainstorm an authentic but impactful challenge

The first thing you'll need to do is think through some challenges you’ve faced . 

A challenge can be as seemingly simple as learning to trust yourself after a failure in school or an extracurricular activity or as complicated as overcoming significant discrimination and prejudice.

You had to overcome a specific fear to succeed at an activity you love. You may have had to rebuild your life after losing a relative. Maybe your family moved, which shook up your life. Or, receiving one terrible grade or criticism led you to change your outlook on life and motivated you to work harder than ever.

Whatever the obstacle you face (no inventing, please), it should be impactful.

That means thinking of a challenge that changed something about you. As a result of overcoming this obstacle, you should have learned significant lessons about yourself or the world around you and made changes in your life.

Colleges and universities want to know what traits you possess that will help you succeed in college and your future career, so the obstacle you choose to share should have helped you develop one of your defining traits. They will care more about your reaction to this challenge, how it shaped you, and how you articulate it than what the problem was in the first place.

Generally, the obstacle you choose to share should also be pretty recent or have had a current impact on your life, rather than a challenge that happened when you were very young that doesn’t impact you today.

Begin at the end

The opening sentence of your essay about overcoming a challenge should be compelling and make the reader want to continue. It can be tempting to tell the story chronologically, but it can sometimes be adequate to start with the ending or a positive memory.

So, think about when you overcame your challenge or realized that you had improved after facing an obstacle. You might even share a moment when you realized your chosen barrier significantly. Recount this moment as your introductory hook in some way.

You can even preview the lessons you learned in your introduction. That way, readers already know that you will share what you’ve learned rather than just share a story recounting a terrible moment or difficult challenge in your life. This can also make them want to keep reading to see how you got to that place.

Share context about the situation but make it brief

You want the reader to learn about you and your challenges rather than overdoing it in detail. They don't need to know every step of the process or every player in the story.

Of course, you should share the context behind what happened to you that challenged you and changed your life or perspective, but you should not dwell too much on the details. Provide only the ‘need to know’ moments and how they led to changes in your life.

With this kind of essay, readers want to know less about what happened and more about what you learned due to your experience.

Focus on what you learned

Your reflection about what you learned due to your experience should be your primary focus within your essay. This section will help readers understand how you’ve changed after facing your challenge or obstacle to become the stellar student you are today. It can also show the maturity and self-reflection colleges may seek in a student.

By sharing lessons learned in this type of essay, you also share how you will contribute to any college campus with your newly acquired traits and perspectives.

If you had to move from one city to another, perhaps you learned to be flexible or met new friends who helped you discover your fascination with science and technology. If you faced bullying, maybe you learned how to respect yourself without outside validation and gained resilience. Whatever the challenge, the lessons associated with overcoming it are most important.

Share actions you took as a result of overcoming the challenge

To help readers understand how you overcame the challenge and how the lessons you learned tangibly affected your life, you should also consider your actions after overcoming your obstacle.

For example, if you witnessed discrimination at school, you could have founded an anti-bullying campaign or student organization. If you lost a family member to a specific disease, you may have volunteered with an organization to help fund research for a cure.

Remember, all of this information needs to be authentic to your experience. Even the most minor actions can be impactful. So, truth is always best, even if you just learned to treat your family better or significantly improve your grades after facing this obstacle.

Connect the lessons you learned to your future

Finally, you can strengthen your response even more by connecting the lessons you learned and actions you took with your future goals.

Think about how you will show up in college after facing this challenge. And consider how you are better equipped now to achieve your future goals because of the lessons you learned. You can then tie this into how attending each college will help you reach those goals.

Seek support!

Admissions officers should never be the first people to read your essay. Get help from a teacher or college counselor, your parents or guardians, an online college essay writing site like Prompt , or fellow scholars like other NSHSS members   before you hit "submit." 

Have them read your essay and provide you with constructive feedback about content and structure. If you're stuck, you can ask for some "overcoming an obstacle" essay examples or ideas from those who know you well.

Then, submit your essay and enjoy that feeling of accomplishment!

Answering the essay prompt "Describe a Challenge You Overcame" offers a unique opportunity to showcase your resilience, growth, and problem-solving skills. By focusing on the specifics of the challenge, the steps you took to overcome it, and the lessons you learned, you'll answer the prompt effectively and make a lasting impression on the admissions team.

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Essays About Overcoming Challenges: Top 5 Examples

Confront challenges in writing by reading our guide with example essays about overcoming challenges and helpful prompts. 

Whether your problems have been failing a subject, getting retrenched at work, or losing someone you love, overcoming challenges is a relief and successful feat always worthy of celebration. 

Overcoming challenges requires patience and persistence to advance your goals despite failures. If you aim for something great in life, you can anticipate facing constant obstacles on your way. However, to successfully hurdle them, a positive and focused mindset coupled with the ability to regulate your emotions will help you go a long way.

5 Essay Examples

1. ​​how to succeed at failure by arthur brooks, 2. how to overcome family problems by vinaya ghimre, 3. when obstacles become opportunities to work better by tim harford, 4. how you can stop global warming by melissa denchak, 5. how countries deal with debt, 10 helpful writing prompts on essays about overcoming challenges, 1. my inspiration for overcoming challenges, 2. helping persons with disabilities (pwds) overcome discrimination, 3. overcoming challenges for students, 4. overcoming mental health issues, 5. overcoming challenges in budgeting, 6. overcoming challenges from childhood, 7. how startups overcome financing challenges, 8. overcoming bullies, 9. overcoming challenges in memory retention, 10. overcoming challenges in income inequality.

“After you have been hurt by a failed relationship, for example, rumination can make you focus on the past instead of the future, so you are less likely to get out there and try again. You’re frozen in your moment of failure as you turn defeat over and over in your mind. You become fearful, lose confidence, and miss your opportunities for new success.”

This essay explores the cognitive studies of a professor’s happiness and includes success tips to help one overcome challenges. One tip that eches with relevance is our need to stop aiming for success and shift toward learning and improvement. For more, check out these essays about life challenges .

“Culture and tradition ask young people to respect their parents and elders’ decisions, whereas modern education teaches them to have their own view of life. Neither the educational system is wrong nor are the parents trying to harm their children. However, truth is, the difference in opinions creates family conflict.”

This essay strives to explain the root causes of conflicts to help readers better navigate the nature of their family problems. The author also offers tips to overcome family tensions, such as being more tolerant and understanding of family members. 

“A shock can prompt us to find new and better ways to live our lives, both individually and collectively. We try new ideas, develop new skills, invest in new kit and draw strength from the fact that others are doing likewise. Resilience is essential but not enough: we need to be able to explore, experiment and adapt.”

As COVID-19 redefined the way we live, we are forced to find new paths to rediscovering better ways of living. Offering lessons from the life of musician Django Reinhardt and the pandemic, the author notes that with the right mindset and commitment to more significant change, we can bring light to a dark period and even rebound stronger and better. 

“ The effects of climate change are already threatening our health, our communities, our economy, our security, and our children’s future. What can you do? A whole lot, as it turns out. ”

Slowing down global warming and building resilience against climate change are critical missions to the world that everyone has to be part of. This essay lists 12 specific actions one can take to help combat global warming in their day-to-day lives, with each tip backed by data showing how big this seemingly small act can mean.

“While higher debt can slow growth and slower growth may cause sovereign debt to rise, the level of debt at which it turns into a problem depends on a country’s particulars, including sources of its debt financing and economic growth catalysts.”

As debts in several countries have ballooned to record highs during the COVID-19 pandemic, governments are finding new sources of revenue to reduce this debt. The article explains dominant economic beliefs about debt and cites its negative consequences on countries. 

Whoever it may be, write about the person whose accomplishments and constant efforts always remind you that you can overcome challenges in life. List down the qualities you admire and how you practice adopting these qualities. You can also elaborate on why these qualities are crucial for the younger generations.

PWDs face discrimination every day and are forced to make adjustments to be part of society. So first, spell out the current challenges PWDs face. Next, you can narrow down this discussion to the situation in your locality. And then, write down what your government is doing to move toward genuine inclusiveness and enable PWDs to cope better in their daily lives. Some examples could be educating the public about how society should accommodate PWDs and creating more wheelchair-accessible destinations. 

Students may struggle in their academic and extracurricular performance while dealing with anxieties over social relationships and growing up. Enumerate the multiple challenges students face on campus and at home. You can share your own experiences and relay how you have overcome them. You can also interview some friends and consolidate their responses. 

With raging geopolitical tensions and the road to recovery from COVID-19 still a long way to go, cases of anxiety and depression are on the rise . First, write about the detrimental effects of such mental health issues on overall well-being and life – as depression is a trigger to suicide. Then write about what specific parts of society are doing to address the mental health crisis. For example, you can cite the efforts your city health office is providing.

With more uncertainties looming for the economy, overcoming bad money habits is imperative. This essay describes the colossal challenge of balancing the need to save, spend for basic needs and invest. Then provide tips on saving and doing away with bad habits. One prudent advice would be to review spending patterns through a statement of accounts. 

Feelings of emptiness can plague even the most successful people. Often, this emptiness could be traced back to challenges in childhood. This essay explains adults’ difficulties in facing their repressed childhood trauma—research recommendations by psychology experts on breaking free from the contempt against parents. Here, you can tackle the benefits of cognitive behavioral therapy to alter harmful thoughts and behavioral patterns.

The biggest obstacle to the commercial success of startups is adequate financing to bring their concepts into reality. For this essay, lay down the financing options available to startups in your country. Often, countries promoting innovative startups have assistance funds. You can encourage startups to tap these funds by enumerating the eligibility criteria of each fund. Look also into the latest surveys and reports showing trends in investing preferences worldwide. 

Bullying can come in different forms and may even initially disguise itself as a playful joke. Help your readers detect bullying and overcome these challenges early. Write about the early signs of bullying and the best ways to defend against it. Keeping records of the incident and immediately filing a report to higher authorities is often the best way to deter bullies. If you want to be guided more on this topic prompt, check out our essays about bullying . 

Forgetting is normal. But the pressures to remember an overwhelming load of information can be high during examination week. For an interesting kick in your essay, talk about famous memory theories such as the Forgetting Curve by German psychologist Hermann Ebbinghaus , which sheds light on why we forget and how we can remember better. Then, write more tips on how one can retain information longer. Not cramming is one helpful suggestion.

First, point out historical events and trends that have exacerbated the divide between the rich and the poor. For instance, several studies have blamed the digital divide. Next, think about what societies can do to narrow this gap. With this, you can also touch on how much your government is spending to improve digital infrastructure in rural areas and look into whether these resources are mobilized efficiently. 

For more help with your essay, check out our roundup of the best grammar checkers .  Grammarly is one of our top grammar checkers, and you can find out why in this Grammarly review .

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, overcoming a challenge essay examples.

I'm working on writing a 'overcoming a challenge' essay for one of my college applications. Does anyone have any examples or advice on how to approach this type of essay? I'd really appreciate some guidance here!

How's it going! Here are a few pointers on how to approach this kind of essay:

1. Choose a significant challenge: Select an experience that was truly challenging for you, and not just a minor inconvenience. The challenge could be personal, academic, or related to an extracurricular activity. It should be something that genuinely impacted your life and required you to grow in order to overcome it.

2. Be specific and descriptive: Detail the challenge and provide context for the reader. Use vivid language to paint a picture of the situation, sharing how you felt and what you were going through at the time. This will help the reader understand the significance of the challenge and empathize with you.

3. Focus on your response and growth: When describing how you overcame the challenge, emphasize the steps you took and the strategies you employed. Explain what you learned from the experience and how it changed you. Show how you grew as a person and developed new skills or perspectives as a result of facing the challenge.

4. Highlight your resilience: Illustrate your resilience by describing how you persevered through difficulties and setbacks. Show how you were able to adapt and find solutions, even when the path was not clear. This will demonstrate your determination and ability to withstand adversity.

5. Share lessons you learned: Consider the broader implications of your experience. What life lessons did you learn from this challenge? How has it shaped your understanding of yourself and the world around you? By reflecting on these lessons, you can provide a meaningful conclusion that showcases your growth.

For example, let's say you faced a significant health issue during high school. You might start by describing the day you were diagnosed, how it affected your daily life, and the challenges you faced in maintaining your grades and extracurricular activities. Then, you could discuss the steps you took to manage your health, such as adopting new routines, finding resources, and learning to prioritize your well-being. You would explain how the experience taught you about resilience, self-advocacy, and the importance of health and wellness in your life. Finally, you might connect this personal growth to your future endeavors, explaining how this experience has prepared you to overcome obstacles and seize opportunities in college and beyond.

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CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

Eight Situations That Commonly Cause Family Conflict

Writer Leo Tolstoy once observed that “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” This may be true in the sense that families are complex units made up of complex individuals, and the ways in which they relate to each other and the circumstances in which they find themselves are unique. One  family’s issues  may be completely distinct from another’s. 

That said, however, there’s a set of broad patterns that tend to cause conflict across many families—whether biological or chosen. To compound the issue, many lack the tools to handle these challenges in a healthy way. Read on for eight of the most common sources of conflict in families, along with steps you can take to try and address or cope with them.

Signs of unhealthy family conflict: Common issues within the family unit

Every family will inevitably face conflict from time to time. However, those that go unresolved or that are dealt with in unhealthy ways can take a toll on members and their relationships with each other. They can lead to chronic stress levels (which can lead to health problems), mental health challenges, and even estrangement, which can make family life difficult.

Some signs of ongoing family conflict that’s not being handled in a healthy way can include:

Passive-aggressive behaviors

Sweeping issues ‘under the rug’

Frequent bickering and/or fighting

Disagreements frequently escalating to yelling/screaming

Frequent periods where some members aren’t speaking to others

A lack of trust between members

Codependent behavior

Abuse of any kind

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

8 common causes of family conflict

If you’ve recognized that your family is experiencing conflict, identifying the root cause can be the next step toward managing it. Although many people are already aware of what’s causing the core conflict within their family, it can be helpful to see some of the most common ones listed out—both to provide insight into how multiple issues can overlap and interact, and to take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in your experience of family problems. See below for some of the most common  causes of family stress  or discord.

Parental relationship problems

Parents who are constantly fighting—whether they're still together or separated or divorced—can cause tension for all members, especially children. One parent who is in an unhealthy relationship with someone can also be distressing for the other members to observe.

Financial concerns

Many families face serious challenges in meeting the basic needs of all members. Whether it’s because of systemic issues, job loss, inability to work, uncontrolled spending, gambling problems, or another reason, stress and conflict related to money and bills is common.

Health conditions 

When one or more family members is experiencing a health challenge—from a chronic physical condition to a mental illness to a disability—it can affect the others. Stress and worry as well as providing care and paying medical bills can sometimes result in tension and other family issues.

Toxic behaviors between family members

Sometimes, stress or dysfunction in a family can be traced primarily to the toxic behaviors of one member. For example, someone who frequently engages in manipulation tactics, dishonesty, scapegoating, or similar behaviors can be extremely difficult or even dangerous to live with. These can be personality traits or signs of certain  personality disorders .

Unaddressed trauma related to family issues

In most cases, trauma that has not been effectively and healthily recognized, processed, and healed will cause issues in a person’s life in some way. A family unit that experiences trauma together—such as war, a natural disaster, or the sudden death of a loved one—or vicariously through one member may experience conflict that arises as a result of this unaddressed pain. This can be especially true for various forms of intergenerational trauma.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Unhealthy expectations

Family members who feel pressure to conform to unhealthy and/or impossible standards may experience negative effects as a result. For example, a household where each child is expected to perform perfectly in school, never express negative emotions, or never bring up conflict can eventually cause them to disengage or lash out.

Too much or too little time together

Families that have to live in close quarters and spend most or all of their time together are liable to face conflict, as many learned  during the COVID-19 lockdown . On the other hand, families that are so busy or live so far apart that they rarely get to spend quality time together could also end up experiencing conflict.

Poor or nonexistent communication

Healthy, honest, frequent communication is widely considered to be the foundation of healthy relationships of all types. Families without it are likely to experience recurrent conflict as issues that arise may not be properly addressed and members may not feel heard.

Addressing family conflict and promoting healthy relationships

After you’ve uncovered the root of the conflict your family is experiencing, the next recommended course of action is usually to engage in open communication about it with your family members. If you’re wondering  how to resolve family conflict , setting aside a time when you can calmly and reasonably bring up the issue(s) without being aggressive or accusatory can be effective in some cases. Although you may not be able to solve all the issues with one conversation, it can represent a first step toward collaborating to create a happier, healthier family dynamic together over time. 

However, sometimes it’s not feasible or not safe for one person to communicate something that’s been bothering them to others. Some family members may be resistant to even speaking openly about it, much less working toward solutions. Others may engage in extreme reactions that make it difficult to ever get to the root of the problem. In cases like these, therapy could be the next step to consider.

How family therapy can help

Families that are willing to engage in therapy can rely on a family therapist to guide the discussion and the handling of conflict. This type of healthcare professional can equip members with techniques to help with things like communication, problem-solving, and stress management that they can use in the present conflict and in the future. They can also identify and address any mental health challenges that could be affecting any member and, in turn, their family. If you’re interested in locating a family therapist in your area, you can find directories  of licensed providers online or ask your physician, friends, or community members for a recommendation.

However, if some or all of your family is unwilling to attend family therapy, you may find it useful to attend individual sessions on your own. While this won’t change the behavior of your family members, it can offer you a safe, nonjudgmental space to express your feelings and get advice on healthy, constructive strategies to try when engaging with them. 

If in-person therapy is inaccessible or unaffordable for you, you might consider an  online therapy platform  like BetterHelp instead where you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with from home or anywhere else you have an internet connection. Plus, session costs are less than the average in-person visit and comparable to most insurance co-pays. Research suggests that there is likely “no difference in effectiveness” between in-person therapy and online therapy, so you can typically feel confident in whichever format you may choose. See below for reviews of BetterHelp counselors from clients who have faced similar challenges. 

Counselor reviews

“Nicole is great! I’ve been seeing her for both couples counseling and individual therapy. She is kind and sympathetic while still being straightforward and practical. She always helps me find ways to overcome obstacles or look at things from another perspective. Also, she has a ton of helpful resources that she has given through the BetterHelp app. It is very convenient and just what I needed to get through a difficult year!”

“Danielle is amazing! She’s helping me grapple with incredibly difficult challenges in one of my most important relationships. She listens well, synthesizes my scattered thoughts & feelings, and offers helpful tools, activities & resources to work on outside of our sessions. Danielle provides honest feedback and creates a safe space. I can feel that she genuinely cares.

Family conflict can be challenging, frustrating, draining, and difficult to face on your own. If you’re looking for support in identifying or handling conflict within your own family, you might consider connecting with a therapist. A family therapist can work with your entire family to build communication and problem-solving skills, while an individual therapist can offer you in particular a safe space to express your emotions and get constructive advice—whether online or in person.

• Improving Family Dynamics And Communication Medically reviewed by Dr. Jerry Crimmins , PsyD, LP
• Family Therapy Methods: Exploring Family Counseling Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson , MA, LCSW
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How to Deal With Family Problems

Last Updated: August 6, 2024

This article was co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW . Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014. This article has been viewed 366,213 times.

Death, addiction, money troubles, mental illness, separation/divorce, and transitional adjustments all take a toll on the members of a family. During stressful events or when the family’s resources are severely taxed, problems may not be resolved easily. This may lead to hostile disagreements, tension, and resentment. Conflict in the family can affect everyone’s functioning. Handle your family problems by learning effective problem-solving skills.

Developing Healthy Problem-Solving

• Schedule a meeting at a time that is most convenient for everyone. Make everyone aware of the purpose of the meeting and that you want them to arrive with suggestions and solutions at the ready.
• Be mindful that young children may be a hindrance to a family meeting. Huddle them in a separate room if you expect tempers to flair or sensitive information to be discussed.
• Therapists often suggest holding regular family meetings. [1] X Research source This tactic enables family members to bring issues out in the open before resentments develop. Talking with your family regularly can improve communication and the bond that you share.

• Strive to uncover what is important about the current problem. Building a case or bringing up old misdeeds will not assist you in resolving this issue.

• Remember, you are aiming to de-escalate the conflict and work towards a solution. Using “I” statements allows everyone to express themselves while showing respect for others listening. Making an “I” statements allows each person to take ownership of what they are feeling, and suggest a remedy for the problem at the same time.
• Examples of “I” statements include: “I am worried that our family is falling apart. I would like us to work things out.” or “I get scared when Dad drinks a lot because he starts yelling. I wish he could stop drinking”.

• Effective listening allows the other person to feel heard, motivates the other parties to want to listen to you, defuses arguments and strong emotions, and rebuilds the relationship during the conflict.

• Validate your family members by saying something like “I’m really glad you felt comfortable enough to share this with me” or “I appreciate your willingness to work towards a solution”.

Recognizing Communication Roadblocks

• For some people, conflict causes them to become hostile and defensive. This is the “fight” aspect of the physiological “fight or flight” response. These individuals may argue endlessly to remove any responsibility from themselves, or refuse to hear others’ points-of-view.
• Others resort to the “flight” aspect. These individuals may run from conflict at all costs. They may deny there’s a problem or believe there’s nothing they can do to resolve it anyway. Such family members may pretend as if they don’t notice any tension in the household, or downplay its effect on them.

• First work on trying to identify your emotions. Consider what thoughts you’re having, what you feel in your body, and what actions you want to take? For example, maybe you’re thinking “I hate this family.” Your fists are clenched and you want to punch something. Such a strong emotion could be labeled as anger or contempt.
• Next, aim to control and ease these strong emotions so that you can effectively problem-solve. Depending on how you’re feeling participate in a complementary activity to ease your discomfort. For example, if you are sad, you might want to watch a funny movie. If you are angry, it might be helpful to vent to a friend or engage in intense physical activity.

• Using “I” statements are one of the best strategies for minimizing blame and subsequent defensiveness. Say “I fear that your addiction will lead to someone getting hurt” rather than “Addicts are just dangerous people to be around”

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

The blame game won't lead to anything productive. That's why it's so important to speak your mind clearly and respectfully, and to actively listen when other people share their viewpoints.

Expert Q&A

• Your family consists of some of the most important relationships in your life. Having continuous conflict in this area can drastically affect your life satisfaction. If you cannot resolve family issues, seek professional help. Thanks Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0

Tips from our Readers

• Sometimes, creating distance by leaving is the healthiest thing you can do. Not all family members are inherently trustworthy, beautiful, or helpful, and getting some space can keep a bad problem from getting worse.
• Understand that it is not always your fault. Don't get upset or angry if someone gets on your nerves and you didn't do anything wrong.

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201209/10-tips-holding-family-meeting
• ↑ https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/luve-a-five-step-communication-process-for-conflict-resolution/validation-is-the-third-step-to-conflict-resolution-in-luve
• ↑ https://www.webmd.com/parenting/family-therapy-overview
• ↑ http://www.drnadig.com/conflict.htm

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Navigating the Challenges: How to Overcome Family Problems and Strengthen Relationships

Family is the foundation of our lives, providing love, support, and a sense of belonging. However, no family is immune to challenges and difficulties. Whether it's conflicts, financial issues, or personal struggles, family problems can take a toll on our relationships and overall well-being.

Gaston Molina

February 25, 2024.

Family is the foundation of our lives, providing love, support, and a sense of belonging. However, no family is immune to challenges and difficulties. Whether it’s conflicts, financial issues, or personal struggles, family problems can take a toll on our relationships and overall well-being. In this article, I will explore the common family problems that many of us face, the impact they can have on our relationships, and strategies to overcome these challenges and strengthen our family bonds.

Understanding Common Family Problems

Family problems come in various forms and can arise from a multitude of factors. Financial stress, lack of communication , and unresolved conflicts are just a few examples of common issues that can strain family relationships. It’s essential to understand that these problems are a normal part of family life, and no family is perfect. By acknowledging and accepting the presence of these challenges, we can begin to address them and work towards solutions.

Impact of Family Problems on Relationships

Family problems can have a significant impact on our relationships. Constant conflicts and unresolved issues can create a hostile environment, leading to emotional distance between family members. Trust and respect may deteriorate, and the overall sense of connection within the family can weaken. These challenges can also affect our mental and emotional well-being, causing stress , anxiety , and even depression . It is crucial to recognize the effects of family problems on our relationships and take proactive steps to address them.

Signs and Symptoms of Family Problems

Identifying the signs and symptoms of family problems is the first step towards finding solutions. Each family is unique, and the signs may vary, but some common indicators include frequent arguments, lack of communication, withdrawal from family activities, and a general sense of tension or unhappiness within the household. Children may exhibit behavioral changes, such as acting out or isolating themselves. It’s important to pay attention to these signs and address them promptly to prevent further damage to our relationships.

Communication Strategies

Communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships, and it plays a crucial role in resolving family problems. Effective communication involves active listening , empathy, and open-mindedness. It’s essential to create a safe and non-judgmental space where each family member can express their thoughts and feelings. Regular family meetings or counseling sessions can provide a structured platform for open communication. It’s important to remember that communication is a two-way street and requires effort from all family members to maintain a healthy dynamic.

Seeking Professional Help

Sometimes, family problems can be complex and deeply rooted, requiring professional intervention. Seeking the help of a family therapist or counsellor can provide valuable guidance and support. These professionals are trained to navigate complex family dynamics and provide strategies to overcome challenges. Therapy sessions can help identify underlying issues, improve communication skills, and offer tools to resolve conflicts. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness but rather a proactive step towards creating a healthier and more harmonious family environment.

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Building Resilience and Strengthening Relationships

Overcoming family problems requires resilience and a commitment to change. It’s crucial to approach these challenges as opportunities for growth and learning. Building resilience involves developing coping strategies, fostering empathy, and practicing forgiveness. By focusing on the positive aspects of our relationships and celebrating small victories, we can gradually strengthen the bonds within our family. It’s important to remember that change takes time, and patience is key as we navigate the path towards a healthier and more fulfilling family life.

Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Family Dynamic

Maintaining a healthy family dynamic is an ongoing process that requires effort and dedication from all family members. Here are some tips to help nurture strong and loving relationships:

• Prioritize quality time: Set aside dedicated time for family activities and bonding. Engage in shared hobbies or plan regular outings to strengthen connections.
• Practice active listening: Show genuine interest in what each family member has to say. Avoid interrupting and truly listen to understand their perspective.
• Resolve conflicts constructively: Encourage open communication and find compromises when conflicts arise. Focus on finding solutions rather than placing blame.
• Celebrate milestones and achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate each family member’s accomplishments, no matter how small. This fosters a supportive and positive environment.
• Encourage individuality: Respect each family member’s unique interests, opinions, and aspirations. Embrace diversity and encourage personal growth.

Self-Care Strategies

Taking care of ourselves is essential to maintaining healthy relationships within our family. When we neglect our own well-being, it becomes challenging to provide support and love to others. Here are some self-care strategies to incorporate into our daily lives:

• Prioritize self-care activities: Carve out time for activities that bring you joy and help you relax, such as exercise, hobbies, or meditation.
• Set boundaries : Establish clear boundaries to protect your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Learn to say no when necessary.
• Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends or support groups when you need assistance or a listening ear. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it.
• Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and avoid self-criticism. Treat yourself with the same love and understanding you would offer to a loved one.

Family problems are an inevitable part of life, but they do not have to define our relationships. By understanding common family challenges, actively communicating, seeking professional help when needed, and prioritizing self-care, we can navigate these difficulties and strengthen our family bonds. Remember, building a healthy family dynamic is an ongoing process that requires patience, resilience, and a commitment to growth. With dedication and effort, we can overcome family problems and create a loving and supportive environment for ourselves and our loved ones.

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Essay on Family Financial Problem

Students are often asked to write an essay on Family Financial Problem in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Family Financial Problem

Understanding family financial problems.

Money issues in a family can lead to stress. When there isn’t enough money, paying for basic things like food, house, and clothes becomes hard. Parents may work long hours or multiple jobs, which can be tiring and leave less time for family.

Causes of Money Troubles

Money problems can come from losing a job, having a lot of debt, or not planning how to spend money wisely. Sometimes, unexpected events like illness can also cause financial strain.

Effects on the Family

When a family faces money issues, it can cause arguments and worry. Kids might not be able to join sports or go on trips, which can make them feel left out.

Finding Solutions

Families can overcome money problems by creating a budget, cutting unnecessary spending, and saving money. Talking openly about money and making plans together can also help.

250 Words Essay on Family Financial Problem

Effects on daily life.

Financial problems can change how a family lives every day. Parents might have to work more hours or find extra jobs. This means they have less time to spend with their children. Kids might not be able to join sports or do fun activities because they cost money. Also, families might have to move to a cheaper home or cut back on buying new things.

Working Together to Solve Problems

Families can work together to fix their money problems. This could mean making a plan for how to spend their money wisely. Parents can teach their children about saving money and not wasting it. They can also look for ways to reduce costs, like using coupons or buying things on sale.

Getting Help

It’s okay to ask for help when dealing with money issues. Families can talk to friends, relatives, or professionals who know about finances. There are also programs that help families with food and other needs. By reaching out, families can find support and advice to get through tough times.

In conclusion, family financial problems are challenging, but with careful planning and help from others, families can overcome these issues. It’s important to talk about money worries and work together to find solutions.

500 Words Essay on Family Financial Problem

Money issues within a family can be a big source of stress. When a family does not have enough money to cover all its needs, it is facing a financial problem. This can mean not being able to pay for important things like food, a home, or medical care. Sometimes, these problems come up because a family member loses a job, gets sick, or has to deal with an unexpected expense like a car repair.

There are many reasons why a family might have money problems. One common reason is not earning enough money. This can happen if jobs in the area don’t pay very well or if there aren’t enough jobs for everyone who needs one. Another reason is high costs. Sometimes, the price of things like rent, groceries, and gas goes up, but the money people make does not. Also, if someone in the family gets sick and the medical bills are high, this can lead to financial stress.

Effects on Family Life

When a family struggles with money, it can affect everyone in the house. Parents might argue more about money, which can make the home feel stressful. Kids might notice these problems and feel worried or sad. They might not be able to do fun activities or have certain things that their friends do. This can make them feel left out or different.

Managing Money Wisely

One way to help with financial problems is to manage money wisely. This means making a plan for how to spend money, which is called a budget. A budget helps a family see where their money is going and find ways to spend less. For example, they might decide to eat at home instead of going out or to walk instead of taking the bus to save on transportation costs.

Moving Forward

Working through financial problems can be hard, but it’s not impossible. Families can come together to make a plan and support each other. Talking openly about money issues can help everyone understand the situation and think of ways to improve it. By being careful with spending and looking for help when needed, families can overcome these challenges.

In conclusion, family financial problems are tough but common. They can happen for many reasons, like low income or high costs. These problems can make family life hard, but there are ways to deal with them. Making a budget, using community resources, and supporting each other can help families get through these hard times. With patience and effort, families can work towards a more stable financial future.

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

Happy studying!

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Band 4+: People aim to achieve a balance between their work and personal life, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

Owning a balance in pressional and personal life is a dream of many indivisuals around the, but unfortunately, some of them rarely reach the freedom of work-life balance. This essay will discuss the cause of this problems and ways of solving it.

With the rise in high quality of life nowadays, people earn desires with glorious lifestyles. Due to, they need to work harder in a week to earn more money in order to achieve those subjects. For instance, my father is a workaholic, he work 16 hours a day, though that leads to the lack of health in him but nor he sleep very little, although his work was greatly efficient but he struggled with mental and physical health.

To surmount these problems, at first people need to control there working schedule to gain more flexible arrangements. By offering such a good advice, they take over there work more efficiency, improve their mindset of overworking.Moreover, high quality in work attached with more personal time which help them dealed with their work-life balacnce issues.

To sum up, to have control and manage the professional and personal life do a very good effect in somebody life. In my point of view, people seems to be more happy in life if they can balance their work and life activities.

Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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Many people want their work and personal lives to go hand in hand. However, it is not everyone’s intention in this life, and this situation is observed only in a few situations. Firstly, balancing everything in life requires limits on some activities. People around the world are always in a hurry and always busy; they […]

It is true that people strive to have a work-life balance, but only a few accomplish it. There could be several reasons for this, and there are possible solutions which can be put forward to tackle this problem. There are a number of rationales why many people aim to balance their work and personal lives. […]

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