my greatest regret in life essay

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The 25 biggest regrets in life. what are yours.

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We are all busy. Life happens. There's always something to distract us from getting around to certain things we know we should do.

Soccer practice.  Work. Home renovations. Getting that next big promotion.

And with the explosion of always-on smartphones and tablets delivering a fire hose of urgent emails, not to mention Twitter and Facebook (FB), in recent years, things have only gotten busier.

In the backs of our minds, we know we're neglecting some stuff we should do. But we never get around to it.

Then, something happens.  A good friend or loved one - maybe close to us in age - drops dead unexpectedly.  We begin to think about what our biggest regrets would be if we were suddenly sitting on our death bed.

Here is a list of the 25 biggest ones we'll probably have.

The question is, are you going to change anything this afternoon or tomorrow in light of this list?  Or are you going to go back to your busy life?

1. Working so much at the expense of family and friendships.   How do you balance meeting that short-term deadline at work and sitting down for dinner with your family?  It's tough.  There are always worries. "What will my boss and co-workers think? It's not a big deal if I stay late this one time.  I'll make it up with the family this weekend."  But the "making up" never seems to happen.  Days turn to months and then years and then decades.

2. Standing up to bullies in school and in life .  Believe it or not, a lot of our biggest regrets in life have to do with things that happened to us in grade 4 or some other early age. We never seem to forget - or forgive ourselves - for not speaking up against the bullies.  We were too scared. We wish we had been more confident.  And by the way most of us have also met up with a bully in our work life.  Maybe he was our boss.  We remember that one time we wish we'd told him off - even if it cost us our job.  We usually take some small solace in hearing that that bully later on made some unfortunate career stumble.

3. Stayed in touch with some good friends from my childhood and youth.  There's usually one childhood or high school friend who we were best buddies with.  Then, one of us moved away.  We might have stayed in touch at first but then got busy.  Sometimes, we thought to pick up the phone, but maybe we don't have their number or email any more.  We always wonder what it would be like to sit down with them again for a coffee.

4. Turned off my phone more/Left my phone at home.  Many of us can't get off our phone/email addiction.  We sleep with it next to us. We carry it with us constantly. It's right next to us in the shower, just in case we see a new email icon light up through the steamed up shower glass.  We know constantly checking email and Twitter in the evenings and on weekends takes us away from quality time with family and friends. Yet, we don't stop.

5. Breaking up with my true love/Getting dumped by them.  Romance is a big area of regret for most of us.  Maybe we dumped someone that we wish we hadn't. Maybe they dumped us.  Most play a never-ending game of "what might have been" for the rest of their lives.  It is tough to simply be happy with the love that you've found and takes away from the special moments you have today, if you're constantly thinking back to what you once had -- which actually might not have been half as good as we think it was.

6. Worrying about what others thought about me so much.  Most of us place way too much importance on what other people around us think about us.  How will they judge us?  In the moment, we think their opinions are crucial to our future success and happiness.  On our death beds, none of that matters.

7. Not having enough confidence in myself.  Related to the previous point, a big regret for most of us is questioning why we had such little confidence in ourselves.  Why did we allow the concerns of others to weigh so heavy on us instead of trusting our own beliefs?  Maybe we didn't think we were worth having what we wanted.  Maybe we just thought poorly of ourselves.  Later on, we wish we could have been more self-confident.

8. Living the life that my parents wanted me to live instead of the one I wanted to.  Related to that lack of confidence, a lot of us get sucked into living the life that we think a good son or daughter should live.  Whether because we're explicitly told or just because we unconsciously adopt it, we make key life choices - about where to go to school, what to study, and where to work -- because we think it's what will make our parents happy.  Our happiness is derived through their happiness - or so we think. It's only later - 1o or 20 years on - where we discover that friends around us are dying and we're not really doing what we want to do.  A panic can start to set in.  Whose life am I living any way?

9. Applying for that "dream job" I always wanted.  Maybe we didn't apply for that job we always wanted to because of a child, or because our spouse didn't want to move cities.  It might not have been the perfect job for us, but we always regret not trying out for it.  Do you think Katie Couric regrets giving the nightly news gig a shot?  No way. Sometimes you swing and you miss, but you have no regrets later on.

10. Been happier more. Not taken life so seriously.  Seems strange to say, but most of us don't know how to have fun.  We're way too serious.  We don't find the humor in life.  We don't joke around.  We don't think we're funny.  So, we go through life very serious.  We miss out on half (or maybe all) the fun in life that way.  Do something a little silly today. Crack a joke with the bus driver - even if he ends up looking at you weird.  Do a little dance.  You'll probably smile, on the inside if not the outside.  Now keep doing that, day after day.

11. Gone on more trips with the family/friends.  Most folks stay close to home. They don't travel all that much.  Yet, big trips with friends and family - to Disney World, to Paris, or even to the lake - are the stuff that memories are made of later in life.  We're all thrown in to some new unfamiliar situation together.  We've got to figure it out as a group - and it's fun, even when it rains.  We really remember trips.

12. Letting my marriage break down.  Back to romance now. More people will divorce than stay together.  If you ask these folks, they'll tell you that it was for the best. They couldn't take it any more.  And, of course, there are some marriages that shouldn't go on and where divorce is the best for all parties involved.  However, if you talk to many people privately, they'll tell you they regret their marriage breaking up.  It's never just one thing that ends a marriage - even if that one thing is infidelity. There are usually lots of signs and problems leading up to that.  The regrets most of us have is that we didn't correct some or most of those "little things" along the way.  We can't control our spouse but we can control our actions and we know - deep down - we could have done more.

13. Taught my kids to do stuff more.   Kids love their parents, but they love doing stuff with their parents even more.  And it doesn't have to be a vacation at the Four Seasons.  It could be raking leaves, learning how to throw a football, or cleaning up a play room together.  We learned all the little habits that we take for granted in our own behavior from mimicking our parents.  If we're not making the time to do stuff with our kids, we're robbing them of the chance to mimic us.

14. Burying the hatchet with a family member or old friend.  I know family members that haven't talked to a brother or sister for 30 years.  One's in bad health and will probably die soon.  But neither he nor the other brother will make an effort.  They've both written each other off.  And there's blame on both sides - although I take one's side more.  But these were two guys that were inseparable as kids. They got washed in a bucket in their parents' kitchen sink together.  Now, neither one will make a move to improve things because they think they've tried and the other one is too stubborn.  They think they've done all they can and washed their hands of the relationship. They'll regret that when one of them is no longer around.

15. Trusting that voice in the back of my head more. Whether it's as simple as taking a job we weren't really thrilled about or as complex of being the victim of some crime, most of us have had the experience of a little voice in the back of our heads warning us that something was wrong here.  A lot of times, we override that voice. We think that we know best.  We do a matrix before taking that job and figure out a way to prove to ourselves that, analytically, this makes sense. Most of the time, we learn later that voice was dead right.

16. Not asking that girl/boy out. Nerves get the best of us - especially when we're young.  We can forgive ourselves that we didn't screw up enough courage to ask that boy or girl out on a date or to the prom.  But that doesn't mean that we still won't think about it decades later.  Sometimes people regret seeing someone famous or well-known in real life and not going up to them and telling them how much they inspired them in our lives.  It's the same underlying fear.  We always we could have just said what we really felt at that moment.

17. Getting involved with the wrong group of friends when I was younger.  We do dumb stuff when we're young.  We're impressionable.  We make friends with the wrong crowd, except we don't think there's anything wrong with them.  They're our friends and maybe the only people we think that truly understand us.  However, we can really get sidetracked by hooking up with this group.  Sometimes it leads to drugs or serious crimes.  We never start out thinking our choice of friends could lead us to such a difficult outcome.

18. Not getting that degree (high school or college).  I've spoken with lots of folks who didn't graduate with a high school or college degree.   When I met them, they were already well-known at their job.  And there are many examples I can think of where their jobs were very senior and they were very well-respected. However, if the education topic ever came up in private conversation, almost universally, you could tell they regretted not getting their degree.  It made them insecure, almost like they worried they were going to be "found out."  Most of these folks will never go back to get it now.  Whether they do or not, they're great at what they do and don't need to feel bad about not having that piece of paper.

19. Choosing the practical job over the one I really wanted. I was watching CNBC the other day and one finance guy was being asked for advice on what college kids should major in today. He said: "It sounds corny but they've got to do what they love." He's right. Of course, as a country, we need more engineers, scientists, and other "hard" science folks.  But, at the end of the day, you've got to live your life, not the government's.  There are many who think they need to take a "consulting job" to build up their experience before settling in to a job they love.  Although there are many roads that lead to Rome, you're probably better off just starting immediately in the area that you love.

20. Spending more time with the kids.  I had an old mentor who used to tell me, "when it comes to parenting, it's not quality of time that's important, it's quantity of time ."  When we get so busy at work, we comfort ourselves knowing that we're going to stay late at the office again with the idea that we'll make it up by taking our son to a ballgame on the weekend.  As long as I spend some quality time with him, we think, it will all balance out.  It probably won't.  There are lots of busy executives who take control of their schedules in order to either be at home for dinners more or be at those special school events with the kids.  Kids do remember that.

21. Not taking care of my health when I had the chance.  Everyone doesn't think of their health - until there's a problem.  And at that point, we promise ourselves if we get better we'll do a better job with our health. It shouldn't take a major calamity to get us to prioritize our health and diet.  Small habits every day make a big difference here over time.

22. Not having the courage to get up and talk at a funeral or important event.  I remember at an old Dale Carnegie class I attended, they told us more people were afraid of public speaking than dying.  They'd rather die than give a speech apparently.  Yet, when you're close to death, you're probably going to wish you'd gotten over those fears on at least a few occasions, but especially at a loved one's funeral or some important event like a wedding.

23. Not visiting a dying friend before he died. I had a buddy I went to high school with who died 3 years ago.  He was in his late 30s with a great wife and 3 great boys.  He had cancer for the last 3 years of his life. We'd talked off and on over that time. Two months before he died, he called me and asked if I could come by to visit. I was in the process of moving and too busy with my own family.  I said I'd come soon.  A month later, it was clear he had days to live.  I rushed to the hospital and did get to visit at his bedside before he passed, but he was a different guy from the one I'd spoken to only a month earlier on the phone. He was just hanging on. We hadn't been best friends and we hadn't seen much of each other since high school, but I know I'll always regret not going to visit him earlier when I'd had the chance.  What I'd give to have one last regular chat with him.

24. Learning another language. A lot of us travel a lot. Fewer still have studied a second language. And this is a big regret down the road for many of us, even though it might seem like a small thing next to family, career, and romance.  A lot of us wish we'd made the time to learn a new language to open up a whole new culture to us.

25. Being a better father or mother.  There's no bigger legacy than our children.  Often, they turn out great.  When our kids struggle though, there's nothing bigger than makes us feel guilty.  Yet, when they start showing signs of problems - with school, or friends, or otherwise -- there's often been many years that have passed in which we could have and probably should have been spending more time with them.  No situation is ever lost though.  There is always time to improve our relationships with our kids.  But, it can't wait another day, especially if it's a relationship that's been neglected for years.

We can all relate to most of these regrets. We can't change the past, so this list isn't meant for you to start a pity party.

The question is what are we going to do with the rest of our lives to ensure we don't experience any of these regrets later on when we're in the hospital preparing to say goodbye.

If you have some regrets you'd like to share, please leave them below in the comments for all to read.  I'll call them all out.

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I asked hundreds of people about their biggest life decisions. Here’s what I learned

Senior Lecturer in Marketing, University of Technology Sydney

Disclosure statement

Adrian R. Camilleri does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

University of Technology Sydney provides funding as a founding partner of The Conversation AU.

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You make decisions all the time. Most are small. However, some are really big : they have ramifications for years or even decades. In your final moments, you might well think back on these decisions — and some you may regret.

Part of what makes big decisions so significant is how rare they are. You don’t get an opportunity to learn from your mistakes. If you want to make big decisions you won’t regret, it’s important you learn from others who have been there before.

There is a good deal of existing research into what people regret in their lives. In my current project, I decided to approach the problem from the other end and ask people about their life’s biggest decisions.

What are life’s biggest decisions?

I have spent most of my career studying what you might call small decisions: what product to buy , which portfolio to invest in , and who to hire . But none of this research was very helpful when, a few years ago, I found myself having to make some big life decisions.

To better understand what life’s biggest decisions are, I recruited 657 Americans aged between 20 and 80 years old to tell me about the ten biggest decisions in their lives so far.

Each decision was classified into one of nine categories and 58 subcategories. At the end of the survey, respondents ranked the ten decisions from biggest to smallest. You can take the survey yourself here . (If you do, your answers may help develop my research further.)

The following chart shows each of the 58 decision subcategories in terms of how often it was mentioned (along the horizontal axis) and how big the decision was considered in retrospect (along the vertical axis).

In the upper right of the chart we see decisions that are both very significant and very common. Getting married and having a child stand out clearly here.

Other fairly common big life decisions include starting a new job and pursuing a degree. Less common, but among the highest ranked life decisions, include ending a life – such as that of an unborn child or a dying parent – and engaging in self-harm.

Of course, the results depend on who you ask. Men in their 70s have different answers than women in their 30s. To explore this data more deeply, I’ve built a tool that allows you to filter these results down to specific types of respondents.

Read more: How to help take control of your brain and make better decisions

What are life’s biggest regrets?

Much can also be learned about how to make good life decisions by asking people what their biggest regrets are. Regret is a negative emotion you feel when reflecting on past decisions and wishing you had done something differently.

In 2012, Australian caregiver Bronnie Ware wrote a book about her experiences in palliative care. There were five regrets that dying people told her about most often:

• I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
• I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
• I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
• I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends
• I wish I had let myself be happier.

This anecdotal evidence has received support from more rigorous academic research. For example, a 2011 study asked a nationally representative sample of 270 Americans to describe one significant life regret. The six most commonly reported regrets involved romance (19.3%), family (16.9%), education (14.0%), career (13.8%), finance (9.9%), and parenting (9.0%).

Although lost loves and unfulfilling relationships were the most common regrets, there was an interesting gender difference. For women, regrets about love (romance/family) were more common than regrets about work (career/education), while the reverse was true for men.

What causes regret?

Several factors increase the chances you will feel regret.

In the long run it is inaction — deciding not to pursue something — that generates more regret . This is particularly true for males, especially when it comes to romantic relationships . If only I had asked her out, we might now be happily married.

Poor decisions produce greater regret when it is harder to justify those decisions in retrospect. I really value my friends and family so why did I leave them all behind to take up that overseas job?

Given that we are social beings, poor decisions in domains relevant to our sense of social belonging — such as romantic and family contexts — are more often regretted . Why did I break up my family by having a fling?

Regrets tend to be strongest for lost opportunities : that is, when undesirable outcomes that could have been prevented in the past can no longer be affected. I could have had a better relationship with my daughter if I had been there more often when she was growing up.

The most enduring regrets in life result from decisions that move you further from the ideal person that you want to be . I wanted to be a role model but I couldn’t put the wine bottle down.

Making big life decisions without regrets

These findings provide valuable lessons for those with big life decisions ahead, which is nearly everyone. You’re likely to have to keep making big decisions over the whole course of your life.

The most important decisions in life relate to family and friends. Spend the time getting these decisions right and then don’t let other distractions — particularly those at work — undermine these relationships.

Seize opportunities. You can apologise or change course later but you can’t time travel. Your education and experience can never be lost.

Read more: Running the risk: why experience matters when making decisions

Avoid making decisions that violate your personal values and move you away from your aspirational self. If you have good justifications for a decision now, no matter what happens, you’ll at least not regret it later.

I continue to ask people to tell me about their biggest life decisions. It’s a great way to learn about someone. Once I have collected enough stories, I hope to write a book so that we can all learn from the collective wisdom of those who have been there before.

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What Are Your Biggest Regrets in Life?

By Frank Sonnenberg Leave a Comment

How would you feel if you discovered that you were chasing the wrong priorities — but the realization came too late for you to make any meaningful changes? That doesn’t have to happen. If you asked seniors to describe their biggest regrets, their answers would be surprisingly similar. Here’s what I learned from my non-scientific survey.

The Top 20 Regrets in Life

• “I spent so much time trying to please others that I neglected my own needs.”
• “When I was forced to choose between work and family, I chose work.”
• “I did some pretty ugly things to get ahead, and my conscience never let me forget them.”
• “I hung around the wrong people . And I became more like them, every day.”
• “I placed so much value on possessions that I failed to see that memories matter most.”
• “I never forgave him, and the anger consumed me.”
• “I spent so much time comparing myself to what others had that I never fully appreciated my blessings.”
• “I wanted to be accepted so much that I compromised my principles.”
• “I lost touch with people I really cared about.”
• “I took life so seriously that I rarely let my hair down.”
• “I was so afraid of failing that I passed up some wonderful opportunities.”
• “I spent so much time doing have-tos that I rarely had time for my want-tos.”
• “I refused to let go of disappointments and permit myself to move on.”
• “I wish I said, ‘I love you.’ Now that she’s gone, I’ll never have the chance.”
• “I worried so much about tomorrow that I failed to enjoy my todays.”
• “I had such big dreams, but never took steps to pursue them.”
• “I thought everyone knew better — and learned the hard way that they don’t.”
• “I spent so much time pretending to be someone else that I lost sight of who I am.”
• “I put myself down so much that I became my own worst enemy.”
• “I spent so much time believing I had no chance that I convinced myself not to try .”

There’s no reason to be saddled with regret one day. Know what matters most to you and be unwilling to compromise those priorities at any price. Don’t be the person who says, “I didn’t take the time to clarify my priorities and now it’s too late to do anything about it.” Do you have regrets?

Make your priorities a priority or you may live to regret it.

What Do You Think?

Please leave a comment and tell us what you think or share it with someone who can benefit from the information.

Additional Reading: 6 Ways You Know You Need a Course Correction Do You Compare Yourself to Others? 10 Critical Rules for Living a Happy Life You May Regret Not Reading This Prosperity Isn’t About Money Change Your Priorities: Change Your Life Living Life With a Purpose

If you like this article, subscribe to our blog so that you don’t miss a single post. Get future posts by RSS feed, email or Facebook . It’s FREE.

Check out Frank’s new book , BECOME: Unleash the Power of Moral Character and Be Proud of the Life You Choose

About Frank Sonnenberg

Frank Sonnenberg is an award-winning author and a well-known advocate for moral character, personal values, and personal responsibility. He has written 11 books and has been named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders” and one of “America’s Most Influential Small Business Experts.” Frank has served on several boards and has consulted to some of the largest and most respected companies in the world. Frank’s newest book, BECOME: Unleash the Power of Moral Character and Be Proud of the Life You Choose , was released June 2024.

Additionally, his blog — FrankSonnenbergOnline — has attracted millions of readers on the Internet. It was recently named one of the “Best Self-Improvement and Personal Development Blogs” in the world and continues to be listed among the “Best Inspirational Blogs on the Planet.”

© 2024 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from FrankSonnenbergOnline.com is strictly prohibited.

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How examining our regrets can make for a more meaningful life

Andee Tagle

Instead of the all-too-familiar notion of living a life with no regrets, what if we embraced them? What if we used the past as a guide for better living?

That's what author Daniel H. Pink asks us to consider, after spending years researching human regret — an emotion distinct from sadness or disappointment because of the agency involved in it.

A journalist and author of several non-fiction books, including The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward , Pink got curious about regret and decided to compile data on it in a qualitative way — he surveyed regret all over the world, asking anyone to write in with their regrets, ultimately receiving tens of thousands of stories and missives with which he could compile, classify, analyze and recognize patterns.

People regret not taking action

A key takeaway, he found, was that regrets of inaction outnumber regrets of action 2:1, and it goes up as people age. That's because "action" regrets, like marrying the wrong person, can be undone, and you can think about them in terms of "at leasts." For example, many people who felt they married the wrong person would say, "At least I have these great kids." With regrets of inaction, that's impossible.

"One of the big categories of regrets that you see are boldness regrets. If only I'd taken the chance. If only I'd asked out that person on a date. If only I traveled. If only I'd spoken up. If only I'd launched a business. We should have a bias for action because we overstate the amount of risk and difficulty sometimes. What's more, I think ... we plan too much and act too little. Sometimes we don't realize that action is a form of knowing. That we can figure stuff out by doing it," Pink said.

Boldness regrets are common, but they're not the only type.

Pink's data showed regrets tend to cluster into four different types

6 tips for making a career change, from someone who has done it

How to be less indecisive about everyday decisions

Foundation regrets: These are the regrets from not "doing the work." Not laying the foundation for a more stable, less precarious life. Things like, not saving money for retirement. Not getting a certain degree, not exercising and eating right to take good care of your body.

Moral regrets: Regrets in which you did the wrong thing. Bullying is an example, or choices of unkindness. "I was stunned by how many people regretted bullying people younger in their life, and marital infidelity," Pink said.

Connection regrets: "If only I'd reached out," is the telltale sign of a connection regret. It is the largest category of regrets, and they are about relationships — family, friendships, romantic and beyond. These regrets come about when people drift apart, but neither tries to connect for fear it's awkward. Reaching out, Pink says, is "very rarely as awkward as people think, and it's almost always well-received."

Boldness regrets: Boldness regrets are about a chance that wasn't taken. Things like opportunities to study abroad or leaving a dead-end job, but for whatever reason, you chose to play it safe.

Faced With A Tough Decision? The Key To Choosing May Be Your Mindset

Faced with a tough decision the key to choosing may be your mindset.

These four types of regrets revealed what humans value, Pink says. They have something to teach us. Pink uses the example of photographic negatives to explain how each of the most common regret types reveal, in their inverse, a deep human need. The human need for growth is linked to boldness regrets, for example. With moral regrets, the need is goodness. With foundation regrets, it's stability. And with connection regrets, the human need is love.

"Looking back can help us moving forward, but only if we do it right," he writes.

Doing regret right

So if we're not living a life without regrets, but instead maximizing our regrets to live a fuller, more flourishing life, how do we actually do that? Pink suggests a three-part strategy: inward, outward and forward.

1. Look inward : Reframe how we think about our regrets. We speak to ourselves more cruelly than we'd speak to anyone else. Practice self-compassion.

2. Look outward : Practice disclosure. Sharing your emotions is a form of unburdening. We can make sense of regret through talking or writing.

3. Move forward : Extract a lesson from your regret. You need to create distance to help yourself process. Some ideas:

• Talk to yourself in the third person. "What should Dan do?" 
• Imagine making a phone call to yourself in 10 years. Ask yourself about your choice, "Should I buy a blue car or a green car?" You'll quickly see that the future you doesn't care. "Should I go to this funeral or reach out to a friend?" You'll see that the you in the year 2032 will be bugged by the fact that you didn't do those things. 
• Ask yourself: what advice would I give my best friend?

Exercises to help you 'optimize' regret

"Our goal should not be to minimize regret. It should be to optimize it," Pink writes. So in addition to the "inward, outward, forward" system, he also offers some fun, practical ways to work regrets into living more fully.

For example, we all have resumes full of our accomplishments. What about a failure resume? This is an idea he credits to Tina Seeling . It's a way to metabolize our past missteps by putting them in writing.

Or combining our annual New Year's Resolutions with last year's regrets , so that the feeling of regret can be used for thinking and reflection, and that reflection can then power action.

Because a relentless drive forward, a relentless posture of happiness, does not make for a full life. "Americans have been sold a bill of goods that we should be positive all the time, that we should always look forward," Pink says. "There's a reason we experience negative emotions. They're useful if we treat them right. Regret, you don't want to wallow in it. You don't want to ruminate over it. But if you think of it as a signal, as information, as a knock at the door, it is a powerfully transformative emotion."

Looking backward can point us to a fuller, more meaningful life.

Feeling Lots Of....Feelings? Journaling Can Help

Elise Hu is the host of TED Talks Daily .

The podcast portion of this story was produced by Andee Tagle.

We'd love to hear from you. If you have a good life hack, leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at [email protected] . Your tip could appear in an upcoming episode.

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It’s Time to Make Peace with Your Regrets

• Vasundhara Sawhney

Learn to leave things in the past — where they happened.

For some of us, good things have happened this past year. We’ve been able to spend more time with loved ones, get back into hobbies, and learn new things. But for others, so much has been lost — in work, in social capital, and in life. Many of us are also feeling regret.

• Regret is an emotion we’re all familiar with and it surfaces with action as well as inaction. We tend to feel regret about the things we haven’t done (missed opportunities) more intensely than regret about the things we did do.
• Regret, like all difficult emotions, is neither intrinsically good nor bad. It is the actions we carry out in response to feeling regret that impact our long-term wellbeing.
• To cope with regret and leave the past where it happened we need to: 1) Recognize our feelings and let them out. 2) Look at the past with gratitude rather than the lost opportunity costs. 3) Make regret productive by thinking about what we value and what actions we can take to get closer to the things that matter to us.

Do we still need to talk about the many ways this pandemic has impacted our lives? I think I’m past that stage. But I do occasionally sit with myself and feel sad, mostly for something that I’ve lost: time. While chatting with a friend recently — over Zoom, of course — we spoke about how we had made so many plans when 2020 began: We set goals for our careers, booked elaborate travel arrangements, and were prepared to celebrate milestone birthdays, including the day I would meet my nephew and my sister’s first child.

• Vasundhara Sawhney is a senior editor at Harvard Business Review.

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What is your biggest regret in life? 7 Sample Answers

Regrets are an inescapable part of life. We all have things we wish we had done differently, choices we wish we had made differently, and opportunities we wish we had seized. In this article, I will explain how to answer to the interview question “What is your biggest regret in life?” to give you some inspiration and guidance on how to approach this question.

Whether you’re asked about your regrets in a job interview, a therapy session, or a casual conversation, it’s important, to be honest, self-reflective, and constructive when discussing your regrets. By examining our regrets and learning from them, we can grow and move forward in a positive direction. So, let’s get started!

Table of Contents

What is regret?

A regret is a feeling of remorse or sadness about something that has happened in the past and cannot be changed. Regrets can be about choices, things we have done or not done, or opportunities that have passed us by. We may regret not being a better friend or family member, not taking better care of our health, not pursuing our dreams or passions, not standing up for ourselves or others, or not taking risks or trying new things.

Regrets can be small and fleeting, or they can be deeply ingrained and long-lasting. They can be a source of guilt, self-blame, and frustration, or they can be a source of insight, learning, and growth. Ultimately, how we think about and deal with our regrets can greatly impact our happiness, well-being, and success in life.

Tips on answering the question “What is your biggest regret in life?”:

• Be honest:  It’s important to be genuine and authentic when answering this question. Don’t downplay your regrets or pretend you don’t have any.
• Don’t overshare:  While honesty is important, it’s also important to be mindful of your audience and the context in which you’re answering the question. Only go into a little detail or share sensitive or personal information that is necessary.
• Focus on the lesson:  Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects of your regret, try to focus on what you learned from the experience and how you grew.
• Keep it positive:  While it’s okay to acknowledge your regrets, try to avoid getting stuck in negative emotions or self-pity. Instead, focus on the positive things you’ve gained from your experiences and how you can move forward.
• Practice self-compassion:  Be kind to yourself when answering this question. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and regrets, and it’s important to understand and forgive yourself.

What is Your Aim in Life? Best Answer for Interview

Describe a Positive Change in Your Life? 6 Sample Answers

7 Sample Answers to “What is your biggest regret in life?”

• “My biggest regret is not pursuing my dream of becoming a writer. I always loved writing and wanted to be a novelist, but I let fear and insecurity hold me back. I wish I had mustered the courage to follow my passion and give it a shot. Now, I’m in a career I’m not fully satisfied with, and I regret not taking the chance on my dream when I had the chance.”
• “My biggest regret is not being a better friend to someone who needed my support. I had a close friend going through a tough time, and I wasn’t there for them like I should have been. I was too caught up in my own life and problems, and I didn’t try to be there for them like a true friend should. I regret not being a better friend and not showing them the love and support they needed.
• “My biggest regret is not taking better care of my health. I used to be active and fit, but I let my health slip over the years. I ate unhealthy foods, didn’t exercise enough, and didn’t prioritize my health. Now, I have many health issues that could have been avoided if I had made healthier choices. I regret not taking better care of myself and not valuing my health more.
• “My biggest regret is not standing up for myself or others when it mattered. There have been times in my life when I didn’t speak up or take action when I saw something wrong or unfair. I regret not being braver, more assertive, and not standing up for what I believed in.
• “My biggest regret is not taking risks or trying new things. I’ve always been a bit of a risk-averse person, and I’ve missed many opportunities because of it. I regret not stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new things, whether traveling to a new country, starting my own business, or learning a new skill. I wish I had taken more chances and not been so afraid of failure.”
• “My biggest regret is not being more present and attentive in my relationships. I’ve always been a workaholic, and I’ve let my career and other obligations take priority over my relationships. As a result, I’ve missed a lot of quality time with my friends and family, and I’ve taken them for granted. I regret not making more of an effort to be present and engaged in my relationships and not valuing them more.
• “My biggest regret is not taking more time for myself and my personal growth. I’ve always been driven and ambitious, and I’ve always had a lot of goals and projects on the go. However, I’ve often neglected my well-being and self-care in pursuing these goals. I regret not taking more time to relax, recharge, and invest in my personal growth and development. I wish I had made more of an effort to prioritize my well-being and happiness.”

List of Common Interview Questions and Answers

Recap the article’s main points: In this article, we explored the concept of regrets and how to think about them. We also provided five example answers to the question, “What is your biggest regret in life?”

Emphasize the importance of learning from regrets and not dwelling on the past too much: It’s important to try to learn from our regrets and use them as a source of insight and growth rather than dwelling on the past and getting stuck in negative emotions.

Encourage readers to think about their biggest regrets and how they can move forward positively: Take some time to reflect on your biggest regrets and what you can learn from them. Remember that there is always time to move forward in a positive direction and make the most of your present and future.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Personal Experience — A Personal Experience of the Meaning of Regret

A Narrative About Regrets in Life

• Categories: Personal Experience Regret

About this sample

Words: 1117 |

Published: Oct 4, 2018

Words: 1117 | Pages: 2 | 6 min read

My biggest regret (essay)

Works cited.

• Davis, T. (2015). The Power of Regret: Reflection and Action. American Journal of Public Health, 105(12), e17–e19. https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2015.302907
• Roese, N. J. (2005). Counterfactual Thinking. Psychological Bulletin, 131(1), 133–167. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.131.1.133
• Zeelenberg, M., van Dijk, W. W., Manstead, A. S. R., & van der Pligt, J. (2000). On bad decisions and disconfirmed expectancies: The psychology of regret and disappointment. Cognition and Emotion, 14(4), 521–541. https://doi.org/10.1080/026999300402745
• Gilovich, T., & Medvec, V. H. (1995). The Experience of Regret: What, When, and Why. Psychological Review, 102(2), 379–395. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.102.2.379
• Linley, P. A., & Joseph, S. (2004). Positive change following trauma and adversity: A review. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 17(1), 11–21. https://doi.org/10.1023/B:JOTS.0000014671.27856.7e
• Ersner-Hershfield, H., Garton, M. T., Ballard, K., Samanez-Larkin, G. R., & Knutson, B. (2009). Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow: Individual Differences in Future Self-Continuity Account for Saving. Judgment and Decision Making, 4(4), 280–286.
• Folkman, S., & Greer, S. (2000). Promoting psychological well-being in the face of serious illness: When theory, research and practice inform each other. Psycho-Oncology, 9(1), 11–19. https://doi.org/10.1002/(SICI)1099-1611(200001/02)9:13.0.CO;2-6
• Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.117.3.497
• Newman, D. B., & Whiteman, M. L. (2018). Missing Out: The Effects of Missed Opportunities on Regret and Motivation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 114(3), 437–461. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000135
• Zeelenberg, M., Nelissen, R. M. A., Breugelmans, S. M., & Pieters, R. (2008). On Emotion Specificity in Decision Making: Why Feeling Is for Doing. Judgment and Decision Making, 3(1), 18–27.

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Follow YES! For Teachers

Eight brilliant student essays on what matters most in life.

Read winning essays from our spring 2019 student writing contest.

For the spring 2019 student writing contest, we invited students to read the YES! article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age” by Nancy Hill. Like the author, students interviewed someone significantly older than them about the three things that matter most in life. Students then wrote about what they learned, and about how their interviewees’ answers compare to their own top priorities.

The Winners

From the hundreds of essays written, these eight were chosen as winners. Be sure to read the author’s response to the essay winners and the literary gems that caught our eye. Plus, we share an essay from teacher Charles Sanderson, who also responded to the writing prompt.

Middle School Winner: Rory Leyva

High School Winner:  Praethong Klomsum

University Winner:  Emily Greenbaum

Powerful Voice Winner: Amanda Schwaben

Powerful Voice Winner: Antonia Mills

Powerful Voice Winner:  Isaac Ziemba

Powerful Voice Winner: Lily Hersch

“Tell It Like It Is” Interview Winner: Jonas Buckner

From the Author: Response to Student Winners

Literary Gems

From A Teacher: Charles Sanderson

From the Author: Response to Charles Sanderson

Middle School Winner

Village Home Education Resource Center, Portland, Ore.

The Lessons Of Mortality 

“As I’ve aged, things that are more personal to me have become somewhat less important. Perhaps I’ve become less self-centered with the awareness of mortality, how short one person’s life is.” This is how my 72-year-old grandma believes her values have changed over the course of her life. Even though I am only 12 years old, I know my life won’t last forever, and someday I, too, will reflect on my past decisions. We were all born to exist and eventually die, so we have evolved to value things in the context of mortality.

One of the ways I feel most alive is when I play roller derby. I started playing for the Rose City Rollers Juniors two years ago, and this year, I made the Rosebud All-Stars travel team. Roller derby is a fast-paced, full-contact sport. The physicality and intense training make me feel in control of and present in my body.

My roller derby team is like a second family to me. Adolescence is complicated. We understand each other in ways no one else can. I love my friends more than I love almost anything else. My family would have been higher on my list a few years ago, but as I’ve aged it has been important to make my own social connections.

Music led me to roller derby.  I started out jam skating at the roller rink. Jam skating is all about feeling the music. It integrates gymnastics, breakdancing, figure skating, and modern dance with R & B and hip hop music. When I was younger, I once lay down in the DJ booth at the roller rink and was lulled to sleep by the drawl of wheels rolling in rhythm and people talking about the things they came there to escape. Sometimes, I go up on the roof of my house at night to listen to music and feel the wind rustle my hair. These unique sensations make me feel safe like nothing else ever has.

My grandma tells me, “Being close with family and friends is the most important thing because I haven’t

always had that.” When my grandma was two years old, her father died. Her mother became depressed and moved around a lot, which made it hard for my grandma to make friends. Once my grandma went to college, she made lots of friends. She met my grandfather, Joaquin Leyva when she was working as a park ranger and he was a surfer. They bought two acres of land on the edge of a redwood forest and had a son and a daughter. My grandma created a stable family that was missing throughout her early life.

My grandma is motivated to maintain good health so she can be there for her family. I can relate because I have to be fit and strong for my team. Since she lost my grandfather to cancer, she realizes how lucky she is to have a functional body and no life-threatening illnesses. My grandma tries to eat well and exercise, but she still struggles with depression. Over time, she has learned that reaching out to others is essential to her emotional wellbeing.  

Caring for the earth is also a priority for my grandma I’ve been lucky to learn from my grandma. She’s taught me how to hunt for fossils in the desert and find shells on the beach. Although my grandma grew up with no access to the wilderness, she admired the green open areas of urban cemeteries. In college, she studied geology and hiked in the High Sierras. For years, she’s been an advocate for conserving wildlife habitat and open spaces.

Our priorities may seem different, but it all comes down to basic human needs. We all desire a purpose, strive to be happy, and need to be loved. Like Nancy Hill says in the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” it can be hard to decipher what is important in life. I believe that the constant search for satisfaction and meaning is the only thing everyone has in common. We all want to know what matters, and we walk around this confusing world trying to find it. The lessons I’ve learned from my grandma about forging connections, caring for my body, and getting out in the world inspire me to live my life my way before it’s gone.

Rory Leyva is a seventh-grader from Portland, Oregon. Rory skates for the Rosebuds All-Stars roller derby team. She loves listening to music and hanging out with her friends.

High School Winner

Praethong Klomsum

  Santa Monica High School, Santa Monica, Calif.

Time Only Moves Forward

Sandra Hernandez gazed at the tiny house while her mother’s gentle hands caressed her shoulders. It wasn’t much, especially for a family of five. This was 1960, she was 17, and her family had just moved to Culver City.

Flash forward to 2019. Sandra sits in a rocking chair, knitting a blanket for her latest grandchild, in the same living room. Sandra remembers working hard to feed her eight children. She took many different jobs before settling behind the cash register at a Japanese restaurant called Magos. “It was a struggle, and my husband Augustine, was planning to join the military at that time, too.”

In the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” author Nancy Hill states that one of the most important things is “…connecting with others in general, but in particular with those who have lived long lives.” Sandra feels similarly. It’s been hard for Sandra to keep in contact with her family, which leaves her downhearted some days. “It’s important to maintain that connection you have with your family, not just next-door neighbors you talk to once a month.”

Despite her age, Sandra is a daring woman. Taking risks is important to her, and she’ll try anything—from skydiving to hiking. Sandra has some regrets from the past, but nowadays, she doesn’t wonder about the “would have, could have, should haves.” She just goes for it with a smile.

Sandra thought harder about her last important thing, the blue and green blanket now finished and covering

her lap. “I’ve definitely lived a longer life than most, and maybe this is just wishful thinking, but I hope I can see the day my great-grandchildren are born.” She’s laughing, but her eyes look beyond what’s in front of her. Maybe she is reminiscing about the day she held her son for the first time or thinking of her grandchildren becoming parents. I thank her for her time and she waves it off, offering me a styrofoam cup of lemonade before I head for the bus station.

The bus is sparsely filled. A voice in my head reminds me to finish my 10-page history research paper before spring break. I take a window seat and pull out my phone and earbuds. My playlist is already on shuffle, and I push away thoughts of that dreaded paper. Music has been a constant in my life—from singing my lungs out in kindergarten to Barbie’s “I Need To Know,” to jamming out to Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” in sixth grade, to BTS’s “Intro: Never Mind” comforting me when I’m at my lowest. Music is my magic shop, a place where I can trade away my fears for calm.

I’ve always been afraid of doing something wrong—not finishing my homework or getting a C when I can do better. When I was 8, I wanted to be like the big kids. As I got older, I realized that I had exchanged my childhood longing for the 48 pack of crayons for bigger problems, balancing grades, a social life, and mental stability—all at once. I’m going to get older whether I like it or not, so there’s no point forcing myself to grow up faster.  I’m learning to live in the moment.

The bus is approaching my apartment, where I know my comfy bed and a home-cooked meal from my mom are waiting. My mom is hard-working, confident, and very stubborn. I admire her strength of character. She always keeps me in line, even through my rebellious phases.

My best friend sends me a text—an update on how broken her laptop is. She is annoying. She says the stupidest things and loves to state the obvious. Despite this, she never fails to make me laugh until my cheeks feel numb. The rest of my friends are like that too—loud, talkative, and always brightening my day. Even friends I stopped talking to have a place in my heart. Recently, I’ve tried to reconnect with some of them. This interview was possible because a close friend from sixth grade offered to introduce me to Sandra, her grandmother.  

I’m decades younger than Sandra, so my view of what’s important isn’t as broad as hers, but we share similar values, with friends and family at the top. I have a feeling that when Sandra was my age, she used to love music, too. Maybe in a few decades, when I’m sitting in my rocking chair, drawing in my sketchbook, I’ll remember this article and think back fondly to the days when life was simple.

Praethong Klomsum is a tenth-grader at Santa Monica High School in Santa Monica, California.  Praethong has a strange affinity for rhyme games and is involved in her school’s dance team. She enjoys drawing and writing, hoping to impact people willing to listen to her thoughts and ideas.

University Winner

Emily Greenbaum

Kent State University, Kent, Ohio 

The Life-Long War

Every morning we open our eyes, ready for a new day. Some immediately turn to their phones and social media. Others work out or do yoga. For a certain person, a deep breath and the morning sun ground him. He hears the clink-clank of his wife cooking low sodium meat for breakfast—doctor’s orders! He sees that the other side of the bed is already made, the dogs are no longer in the room, and his clothes are set out nicely on the loveseat.

Today, though, this man wakes up to something different: faded cream walls and jello. This person, my hero, is Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James.

I pulled up my chair close to Roger’s vinyl recliner so I could hear him above the noise of the beeping dialysis machine. I noticed Roger would occasionally glance at his wife Susan with sparkly eyes when he would recall memories of the war or their grandkids. He looked at Susan like she walked on water.

Roger James served his country for thirty years. Now, he has enlisted in another type of war. He suffers from a rare blood cancer—the result of the wars he fought in. Roger has good and bad days. He says, “The good outweighs the bad, so I have to be grateful for what I have on those good days.”

When Roger retired, he never thought the effects of the war would reach him. The once shallow wrinkles upon his face become deeper, as he tells me, “It’s just cancer. Others are suffering from far worse. I know I’ll make it.”

Like Nancy Hill did in her article “Three Things that Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I asked Roger, “What are the three most important things to you?” James answered, “My wife Susan, my grandkids, and church.”

Roger and Susan served together in the Vietnam war. She was a nurse who treated his cuts and scrapes one day. I asked Roger why he chose Susan. He said, “Susan told me to look at her while she cleaned me up. ‘This may sting, but don’t be a baby.’ When I looked into her eyes, I felt like she was looking into my soul, and I didn’t want her to leave. She gave me this sense of home. Every day I wake up, she makes me feel the same way, and I fall in love with her all over again.”

Roger and Susan have two kids and four grandkids, with great-grandchildren on the way. He claims that his grandkids give him the youth that he feels slowly escaping from his body. This adoring grandfather is energized by coaching t-ball and playing evening card games with the grandkids.

The last thing on his list was church. His oldest daughter married a pastor. Together they founded a church. Roger said that the connection between his faith and family is important to him because it gave him a reason to want to live again. I learned from Roger that when you’re across the ocean, you tend to lose sight of why you are fighting. When Roger returned, he didn’t have the will to live. Most days were a struggle, adapting back into a society that lacked empathy for the injuries, pain, and psychological trauma carried by returning soldiers. Church changed that for Roger and gave him a sense of purpose.

When I began this project, my attitude was to just get the assignment done. I never thought I could view Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James as more than a role model, but he definitely changed my mind. It’s as if Roger magically lit a fire inside of me and showed me where one’s true passions should lie. I see our similarities and embrace our differences. We both value family and our own connections to home—his home being church and mine being where I can breathe the easiest.

Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James has shown me how to appreciate what I have around me and that every once in a while, I should step back and stop to smell the roses. As we concluded the interview, amidst squeaky clogs and the stale smell of bleach and bedpans, I looked to Roger, his kind, tired eyes, and weathered skin, with a deeper sense of admiration, knowing that his values still run true, no matter what he faces.

Emily Greenbaum is a senior at Kent State University, graduating with a major in Conflict Management and minor in Geography. Emily hopes to use her major to facilitate better conversations, while she works in the Washington, D.C. area.  

Powerful Voice Winner

Amanda Schwaben

Wise Words From Winnie the Pooh

As I read through Nancy Hill’s article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I was comforted by the similar responses given by both children and older adults. The emphasis participants placed on family, social connections, and love was not only heartwarming but hopeful. While the messages in the article filled me with warmth, I felt a twinge of guilt building within me. As a twenty-one-year-old college student weeks from graduation, I honestly don’t think much about the most important things in life. But if I was asked, I would most likely say family, friendship, and love. As much as I hate to admit it, I often find myself obsessing over achieving a successful career and finding a way to “save the world.”

A few weeks ago, I was at my family home watching the new Winnie the Pooh movie Christopher Robin with my mom and younger sister. Well, I wasn’t really watching. I had my laptop in front of me, and I was aggressively typing up an assignment. Halfway through the movie, I realized I left my laptop charger in my car. I walked outside into the brisk March air. Instinctively, I looked up. The sky was perfectly clear, revealing a beautiful array of stars. When my twin sister and I were in high school, we would always take a moment to look up at the sparkling night sky before we came into the house after soccer practice.

I think that was the last time I stood in my driveway and gazed at the stars. I did not get the laptop charger from

my car; instead, I turned around and went back inside. I shut my laptop and watched the rest of the movie. My twin sister loves Winnie the Pooh. So much so that my parents got her a stuffed animal version of him for Christmas. While I thought he was adorable and a token of my childhood, I did not really understand her obsession. However, it was clear to me after watching the movie. Winnie the Pooh certainly had it figured out. He believed that the simple things in life were the most important: love, friendship, and having fun.

I thought about asking my mom right then what the three most important things were to her, but I decided not to. I just wanted to be in the moment. I didn’t want to be doing homework. It was a beautiful thing to just sit there and be present with my mom and sister.

I did ask her, though, a couple of weeks later. Her response was simple.  All she said was family, health, and happiness. When she told me this, I imagined Winnie the Pooh smiling. I think he would be proud of that answer.

I was not surprised by my mom’s reply. It suited her perfectly. I wonder if we relearn what is most important when we grow older—that the pressure to be successful subsides. Could it be that valuing family, health, and happiness is what ends up saving the world?

Amanda Schwaben is a graduating senior from Kent State University with a major in Applied Conflict Management. Amanda also has minors in Psychology and Interpersonal Communication. She hopes to further her education and focus on how museums not only preserve history but also promote peace.

Antonia Mills

Rachel Carson High School, Brooklyn, N.Y. 

Decoding The Butterfly

For a caterpillar to become a butterfly, it must first digest itself. The caterpillar, overwhelmed by accumulating tissue, splits its skin open to form its protective shell, the chrysalis, and later becomes the pretty butterfly we all know and love. There are approximately 20,000 species of butterflies, and just as every species is different, so is the life of every butterfly. No matter how long and hard a caterpillar has strived to become the colorful and vibrant butterfly that we marvel at on a warm spring day, it does not live a long life. A butterfly can live for a year, six months, two weeks, and even as little as twenty-four hours.

I have often wondered if butterflies live long enough to be blissful of blue skies. Do they take time to feast upon the sweet nectar they crave, midst their hustling life of pollinating pretty flowers? Do they ever take a lull in their itineraries, or are they always rushing towards completing their four-stage metamorphosis? Has anyone asked the butterfly, “Who are you?” instead of “What are you”? Or, How did you get here, on my windowsill?  How did you become ‘you’?

Humans are similar to butterflies. As a caterpillar

Suzanna Ruby/Getty Images

becomes a butterfly, a baby becomes an elder. As a butterfly soars through summer skies, an elder watches summer skies turn into cold winter nights and back toward summer skies yet again.  And as a butterfly flits slowly by the porch light, a passerby makes assumptions about the wrinkled, slow-moving elder, who is sturdier than he appears. These creatures are not seen for who they are—who they were—because people have “better things to do” or they are too busy to ask, “How are you”?

Our world can be a lonely place. Pressured by expectations, haunted by dreams, overpowered by weakness, and drowned out by lofty goals, we tend to forget ourselves—and others. Rather than hang onto the strands of our diminishing sanity, we might benefit from listening to our elders. Many elders have experienced setbacks in their young lives. Overcoming hardship and surviving to old age is wisdom that they carry.  We can learn from them—and can even make their day by taking the time to hear their stories.  

Nancy Hill, who wrote the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” was right: “We live among such remarkable people, yet few know their stories.” I know a lot about my grandmother’s life, and it isn’t as serene as my own. My grandmother, Liza, who cooks every day, bakes bread on holidays for our neighbors, brings gifts to her doctor out of the kindness of her heart, and makes conversation with neighbors even though she is isn’t fluent in English—Russian is her first language—has struggled all her life. Her mother, Anna, a single parent, had tuberculosis, and even though she had an inviolable spirit, she was too frail to care for four children. She passed away when my grandmother was sixteen, so my grandmother and her siblings spent most of their childhood in an orphanage. My grandmother got married at nineteen to my grandfather, Pinhas. He was a man who loved her more than he loved himself and was a godsend to every person he met. Liza was—and still is—always quick to do what was best for others, even if that person treated her poorly. My grandmother has lived with physical pain all her life, yet she pushed herself to climb heights that she wasn’t ready for. Against all odds, she has lived to tell her story to people who are willing to listen. And I always am.

I asked my grandmother, “What are three things most important to you?” Her answer was one that I already expected: One, for everyone to live long healthy lives. Two, for you to graduate from college. Three, for you to always remember that I love you.

What may be basic to you means the world to my grandmother. She just wants what she never had the chance to experience: a healthy life, an education, and the chance to express love to the people she values. The three things that matter most to her may be so simple and ordinary to outsiders, but to her, it is so much more. And who could take that away?

Antonia Mills was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York and attends Rachel Carson High School.  Antonia enjoys creative activities, including writing, painting, reading, and baking. She hopes to pursue culinary arts professionally in the future. One of her favorite quotes is, “When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t.” -Emily S.P.  

  Powerful Voice Winner

   Isaac Ziemba

Odyssey Multiage Program, Bainbridge Island, Wash. 

This Former State Trooper Has His Priorities Straight: Family, Climate Change, and Integrity

I have a personal connection to people who served in the military and first responders. My uncle is a first responder on the island I live on, and my dad retired from the Navy. That was what made a man named Glen Tyrell, a state trooper for 25 years, 2 months and 9 days, my first choice to interview about what three things matter in life. In the YES! Magazine article “The Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I learned that old and young people have a great deal in common. I know that’s true because Glen and I care about a lot of the same things.

For Glen, family is at the top of his list of important things. “My wife was, and is, always there for me. My daughters mean the world to me, too, but Penny is my partner,” Glen said. I can understand why Glen’s wife is so important to him. She’s family. Family will always be there for you.

Glen loves his family, and so do I with all my heart. My dad especially means the world to me. He is my top supporter and tells me that if I need help, just “say the word.” When we are fishing or crabbing, sometimes I

think, what if these times were erased from my memory? I wouldn’t be able to describe the horrible feeling that would rush through my mind, and I’m sure that Glen would feel the same about his wife.

My uncle once told me that the world is always going to change over time. It’s what the world has turned out to be that worries me. Both Glen and I are extremely concerned about climate change and the effect that rising temperatures have on animals and their habitats. We’re driving them to extinction. Some people might say, “So what? Animals don’t pay taxes or do any of the things we do.” What we are doing to them is like the Black Death times 100.

Glen is also frustrated by how much plastic we use and where it ends up. He would be shocked that an explorer recently dived to the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean—seven miles!— and discovered a plastic bag and candy wrappers. Glen told me that, unfortunately, his generation did the damage and my generation is here to fix it. We need to take better care of Earth because if we don’t, we, as a species, will have failed.

Both Glen and I care deeply for our families and the earth, but for our third important value, I chose education and Glen chose integrity. My education is super important to me because without it, I would be a blank slate. I wouldn’t know how to figure out problems. I wouldn’t be able to tell right from wrong. I wouldn’t understand the Bill of Rights. I would be stuck. Everyone should be able to go to school, no matter where they’re from or who they are.  It makes me angry and sad to think that some people, especially girls, get shot because they are trying to go to school. I understand how lucky I am.

Integrity is sacred to Glen—I could tell by the serious tone of Glen’s voice when he told me that integrity was the code he lived by as a former state trooper. He knew that he had the power to change a person’s life, and he was committed to not abusing that power.  When Glen put someone under arrest—and my uncle says the same—his judgment and integrity were paramount. “Either you’re right or you’re wrong.” You can’t judge a person by what you think, you can only judge a person from what you know.”

I learned many things about Glen and what’s important in life, but there is one thing that stands out—something Glen always does and does well. Glen helps people. He did it as a state trooper, and he does it in our school, where he works on construction projects. Glen told me that he believes that our most powerful tools are writing and listening to others. I think those tools are important, too, but I also believe there are other tools to help solve many of our problems and create a better future: to be compassionate, to create caring relationships, and to help others. Just like Glen Tyrell does each and every day.

Isaac Ziemba is in seventh grade at the Odyssey Multiage Program on a small island called Bainbridge near Seattle, Washington. Isaac’s favorite subject in school is history because he has always been interested in how the past affects the future. In his spare time, you can find Isaac hunting for crab with his Dad, looking for artifacts around his house with his metal detector, and having fun with his younger cousin, Conner.     

Lily Hersch

 The Crest Academy, Salida, Colo.

The Phone Call

Dear Grandpa,

In my short span of life—12 years so far—you’ve taught me a lot of important life lessons that I’ll always have with me. Some of the values I talk about in this writing I’ve learned from you.

Dedicated to my Gramps.

In the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” author and photographer Nancy Hill asked people to name the three things that mattered most to them. After reading the essay prompt for the article, I immediately knew who I wanted to interview: my grandpa Gil.      

My grandpa was born on January 25, 1942. He lived in a minuscule tenement in The Bronx with his mother,

father, and brother. His father wasn’t around much, and, when he was, he was reticent and would snap occasionally, revealing his constrained mental pain. My grandpa says this happened because my great grandfather did not have a father figure in his life. His mother was a classy, sharp lady who was the head secretary at a local police district station. My grandpa and his brother Larry did not care for each other. Gramps said he was very close to his mother, and Larry wasn’t. Perhaps Larry was envious for what he didn’t have.

Decades after little to no communication with his brother, my grandpa decided to spontaneously visit him in Florida, where he resided with his wife. Larry was taken aback at the sudden reappearance of his brother and told him to leave. Since then, the two brothers have not been in contact. My grandpa doesn’t even know if Larry is alive.         

My grandpa is now a retired lawyer, married to my wonderful grandma, and living in a pretty house with an ugly dog named BoBo.

So, what’s important to you, Gramps?

He paused a second, then replied, “Family, kindness, and empathy.”

“Family, because it’s my family. It’s important to stay connected with your family. My brother, father, and I never connected in the way I wished, and sometimes I contemplated what could’ve happened.  But you can’t change the past. So, that’s why family’s important to me.”

Family will always be on my “Top Three Most Important Things” list, too. I can’t imagine not having my older brother, Zeke, or my grandma in my life. I wonder how other kids feel about their families? How do kids trapped and separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border feel?  What about orphans? Too many questions, too few answers.

“Kindness, because growing up and not seeing a lot of kindness made me realize how important it is to have that in the world. Kindness makes the world go round.”

What is kindness? Helping my brother, Eli, who has Down syndrome, get ready in the morning? Telling people what they need to hear, rather than what they want to hear? Maybe, for now, I’ll put wisdom, not kindness, on my list.

“Empathy, because of all the killings and shootings [in this country.] We also need to care for people—people who are not living in as good circumstances as I have. Donald Trump and other people I’ve met have no empathy. Empathy is very important.”

Empathy is something I’ve felt my whole life. It’ll always be important to me like it is important to my grandpa. My grandpa shows his empathy when he works with disabled children. Once he took a disabled child to a Christina Aguilera concert because that child was too young to go by himself. The moments I feel the most empathy are when Eli gets those looks from people. Seeing Eli wonder why people stare at him like he’s a freak makes me sad, and annoyed that they have the audacity to stare.

After this 2 minute and 36-second phone call, my grandpa has helped me define what’s most important to me at this time in my life: family, wisdom, and empathy. Although these things are important now, I realize they can change and most likely will.

When I’m an old woman, I envision myself scrambling through a stack of storage boxes and finding this paper. Perhaps after reading words from my 12-year-old self, I’ll ask myself “What’s important to me?”

Lily Hersch is a sixth-grader at Crest Academy in Salida, Colorado. Lily is an avid indoorsman, finding joy in competitive spelling, art, and of course, writing. She does not like Swiss cheese.

  “Tell It Like It Is” Interview Winner

Jonas Buckner

KIPP: Gaston College Preparatory, Gaston, N.C.

Lessons My Nana Taught Me

I walked into the house. In the other room, I heard my cousin screaming at his game. There were a lot of Pioneer Woman dishes everywhere. The room had the television on max volume. The fan in the other room was on. I didn’t know it yet, but I was about to learn something powerful.

I was in my Nana’s house, and when I walked in, she said, “Hey Monkey Butt.”

I said, “Hey Nana.”

Before the interview, I was talking to her about what I was gonna interview her on. Also, I had asked her why I might have wanted to interview her, and she responded with, “Because you love me, and I love you too.”

Now, it was time to start the interview. The first

question I asked was the main and most important question ever: “What three things matter most to you and you only?”

She thought of it very thoughtfully and responded with, “My grandchildren, my children, and my health.”

Then, I said, “OK, can you please tell me more about your health?”

She responded with, “My health is bad right now. I have heart problems, blood sugar, and that’s about it.” When she said it, she looked at me and smiled because she loved me and was happy I chose her to interview.

I replied with, “K um, why is it important to you?”

She smiled and said, “Why is it…Why is my health important? Well, because I want to live a long time and see my grandchildren grow up.”

I was scared when she said that, but she still smiled. I was so happy, and then I said, “Has your health always been important to you.”

She responded with “Nah.”

Then, I asked, “Do you happen to have a story to help me understand your reasoning?”

She said, “No, not really.”

Now we were getting into the next set of questions. I said, “Remember how you said that your grandchildren matter to you? Can you please tell me why they matter to you?”

Then, she responded with, “So I can spend time with them, play with them, and everything.”

Next, I asked the same question I did before: “Have you always loved your grandchildren?” 

She responded with, “Yes, they have always been important to me.”

Then, the next two questions I asked she had no response to at all. She was very happy until I asked, “Why do your children matter most to you?”

She had a frown on and responded, “My daughter Tammy died a long time ago.”

Then, at this point, the other questions were answered the same as the other ones. When I left to go home I was thinking about how her answers were similar to mine. She said health, and I care about my health a lot, and I didn’t say, but I wanted to. She also didn’t have answers for the last two questions on each thing, and I was like that too.

The lesson I learned was that no matter what, always keep pushing because even though my aunt or my Nana’s daughter died, she kept on pushing and loving everyone. I also learned that everything should matter to us. Once again, I chose to interview my Nana because she matters to me, and I know when she was younger she had a lot of things happen to her, so I wanted to know what she would say. The point I’m trying to make is that be grateful for what you have and what you have done in life.

Jonas Buckner is a sixth-grader at KIPP: Gaston College Preparatory in Gaston, North Carolina. Jonas’ favorite activities are drawing, writing, math, piano, and playing AltSpace VR. He found his passion for writing in fourth grade when he wrote a quick autobiography. Jonas hopes to become a horror writer someday.

From The Author: Responses to Student Winners

Dear Emily, Isaac, Antonia, Rory, Praethong, Amanda, Lily, and Jonas,

Your thought-provoking essays sent my head spinning. The more I read, the more impressed I was with the depth of thought, beauty of expression, and originality. It left me wondering just how to capture all of my reactions in a single letter. After multiple false starts, I’ve landed on this: I will stick to the theme of three most important things.

The three things I found most inspirational about your essays:

You listened.

You connected.

We live in troubled times. Tensions mount between countries, cultures, genders, religious beliefs, and generations. If we fail to find a way to understand each other, to see similarities between us, the future will be fraught with increased hostility.

You all took critical steps toward connecting with someone who might not value the same things you do by asking a person who is generations older than you what matters to them. Then, you listened to their answers. You saw connections between what is important to them and what is important to you. Many of you noted similarities, others wondered if your own list of the three most important things would change as you go through life. You all saw the validity of the responses you received and looked for reasons why your interviewees have come to value what they have.

It is through these things—asking, listening, and connecting—that we can begin to bridge the differences in experiences and beliefs that are currently dividing us.

Individual observations

Each one of you made observations that all of us, regardless of age or experience, would do well to keep in mind. I chose one quote from each person and trust those reading your essays will discover more valuable insights.

“Our priorities may seem different, but they come back to basic human needs. We all desire a purpose, strive to be happy, and work to make a positive impact.” 

“You can’t judge a person by what you think , you can only judge a person by what you know .”

Emily (referencing your interviewee, who is battling cancer):

“Master Chief Petty Officer James has shown me how to appreciate what I have around me.”

Lily (quoting your grandfather):

“Kindness makes the world go round.”

“Everything should matter to us.”

Praethong (quoting your interviewee, Sandra, on the importance of family):

“It’s important to always maintain that connection you have with each other, your family, not just next-door neighbors you talk to once a month.”

“I wonder if maybe we relearn what is most important when we grow older. That the pressure to be successful subsides and that valuing family, health, and happiness is what ends up saving the world.”

“Listen to what others have to say. Listen to the people who have already experienced hardship. You will learn from them and you can even make their day by giving them a chance to voice their thoughts.”

I end this letter to you with the hope that you never stop asking others what is most important to them and that you to continue to take time to reflect on what matters most to you…and why. May you never stop asking, listening, and connecting with others, especially those who may seem to be unlike you. Keep writing, and keep sharing your thoughts and observations with others, for your ideas are awe-inspiring.

I also want to thank the more than 1,000 students who submitted essays. Together, by sharing what’s important to us with others, especially those who may believe or act differently, we can fill the world with joy, peace, beauty, and love.

We received many outstanding essays for the Winter 2019 Student Writing Competition. Though not every participant can win the contest, we’d like to share some excerpts that caught our eye:

Whether it is a painting on a milky canvas with watercolors or pasting photos onto a scrapbook with her granddaughters, it is always a piece of artwork to her. She values the things in life that keep her in the moment, while still exploring things she may not have initially thought would bring her joy.

—Ondine Grant-Krasno, Immaculate Heart Middle School, Los Angeles, Calif.

“Ganas”… It means “desire” in Spanish. My ganas is fueled by my family’s belief in me. I cannot and will not fail them. 

—Adan Rios, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

I hope when I grow up I can have the love for my kids like my grandma has for her kids. She makes being a mother even more of a beautiful thing than it already is.

—Ashley Shaw, Columbus City Prep School for Girls, Grove City, Ohio

You become a collage of little pieces of your friends and family. They also encourage you to be the best you can be. They lift you up onto the seat of your bike, they give you the first push, and they don’t hesitate to remind you that everything will be alright when you fall off and scrape your knee.

— Cecilia Stanton, Bellafonte Area Middle School, Bellafonte, Pa.

Without good friends, I wouldn’t know what I would do to endure the brutal machine of public education.

—Kenneth Jenkins, Garrison Middle School, Walla Walla, Wash.

My dog, as ridiculous as it may seem, is a beautiful example of what we all should aspire to be. We should live in the moment, not stress, and make it our goal to lift someone’s spirits, even just a little.

—Kate Garland, Immaculate Heart Middle School, Los Angeles, Calif. 

I strongly hope that every child can spare more time to accompany their elderly parents when they are struggling, and moving forward, and give them more care and patience. so as to truly achieve the goal of “you accompany me to grow up, and I will accompany you to grow old.”

—Taiyi Li, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

I have three cats, and they are my brothers and sisters. We share a special bond that I think would not be possible if they were human. Since they do not speak English, we have to find other ways to connect, and I think that those other ways can be more powerful than language.

—Maya Dombroskie, Delta Program Middle School, Boulsburg, Pa.

We are made to love and be loved. To have joy and be relational. As a member of the loneliest generation in possibly all of history, I feel keenly aware of the need for relationships and authentic connection. That is why I decided to talk to my grandmother.

—Luke Steinkamp, Kent State University, Kent, Ohio

After interviewing my grandma and writing my paper, I realized that as we grow older, the things that are important to us don’t change, what changes is why those things are important to us.

—Emily Giffer, Our Lady Star of the Sea, Grosse Pointe Woods, Mich.

The media works to marginalize elders, often isolating them and their stories, and the wealth of knowledge that comes with their additional years of lived experiences. It also undermines the depth of children’s curiosity and capacity to learn and understand. When the worlds of elders and children collide, a classroom opens.

—Cristina Reitano, City College of San Francisco, San Francisco, Calif.

My values, although similar to my dad, only looked the same in the sense that a shadow is similar to the object it was cast on.

—Timofey Lisenskiy, Santa Monica High School, Santa Monica, Calif.

I can release my anger through writing without having to take it out on someone. I can escape and be a different person; it feels good not to be myself for a while. I can make up my own characters, so I can be someone different every day, and I think that’s pretty cool.

—Jasua Carillo, Wellness, Business, and Sports School, Woodburn, Ore. 

Notice how all the important things in his life are people: the people who he loves and who love him back. This is because “people are more important than things like money or possessions, and families are treasures,” says grandpa Pat. And I couldn’t agree more.

—Brody Hartley, Garrison Middle School, Walla Walla, Wash.  

Curiosity for other people’s stories could be what is needed to save the world.

—Noah Smith, Kent State University, Kent, Ohio

Peace to me is a calm lake without a ripple in sight. It’s a starry night with a gentle breeze that pillows upon your face. It’s the absence of arguments, fighting, or war. It’s when egos stop working against each other and finally begin working with each other. Peace is free from fear, anxiety, and depression. To me, peace is an important ingredient in the recipe of life.

—JP Bogan, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

From A Teacher

Charles Sanderson

Wellness, Business and Sports School, Woodburn, Ore. 

The Birthday Gift

I’ve known Jodelle for years, watching her grow from a quiet and timid twelve-year-old to a young woman who just returned from India, where she played Kabaddi, a kind of rugby meets Red Rover.

One of my core beliefs as an educator is to show up for the things that matter to kids, so I go to their games, watch their plays, and eat the strawberry jam they make for the county fair. On this occasion, I met Jodelle at a robotics competition to watch her little sister Abby compete. Think Nerd Paradise: more hats made from traffic cones than Golden State Warrior ball caps, more unicorn capes than Nike swooshes, more fanny packs with Legos than clutches with eyeliner.

We started chatting as the crowd chanted and waved six-foot flags for teams like Mystic Biscuits, Shrek, and everyone’s nemesis The Mean Machine. Apparently, when it’s time for lunch at a robotics competition, they don’t mess around. The once-packed gym was left to Jodelle and me, and we kept talking and talking. I eventually asked her about the three things that matter to her most.

She told me about her mom, her sister, and her addiction—to horses. I’ve read enough of her writing to know that horses were her drug of choice and her mom and sister were her support network.

I learned about her desire to become a teacher and how hours at the barn with her horse, Heart, recharge her when she’s exhausted. At one point, our rambling conversation turned to a topic I’ve known far too well—her father.

Later that evening, I received an email from Jodelle, and she had a lot to say. One line really struck me: “In so many movies, I have seen a dad wanting to protect his daughter from the world, but I’ve only understood the scene cognitively. Yesterday, I felt it.”

Long ago, I decided that I would never be a dad. I had seen movies with fathers and daughters, and for me, those movies might as well have been Star Wars, ET, or Alien—worlds filled with creatures I’d never know. However, over the years, I’ve attended Jodelle’s parent-teacher conferences, gone to her graduation, and driven hours to watch her ride Heart at horse shows. Simply, I showed up. I listened. I supported.

Jodelle shared a series of dad poems, as well. I had read the first two poems in their original form when Jodelle was my student. The revised versions revealed new graphic details of her past. The third poem, however, was something entirely different.

She called the poems my early birthday present. When I read the lines “You are my father figure/Who I look up to/Without being looked down on,” I froze for an instant and had to reread the lines. After fifty years of consciously deciding not to be a dad, I was seen as one—and it felt incredible. Jodelle’s poem and recognition were two of the best presents I’ve ever received.

I  know that I was the language arts teacher that Jodelle needed at the time, but her poem revealed things I never knew I taught her: “My father figure/ Who taught me/ That listening is for observing the world/ That listening is for learning/Not obeying/Writing is for connecting/Healing with others.”

Teaching is often a thankless job, one that frequently brings more stress and anxiety than joy and hope. Stress erodes my patience. Anxiety curtails my ability to enter each interaction with every student with the grace they deserve. However, my time with Jodelle reminds me of the importance of leaning in and listening.

In the article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age” by Nancy Hill, she illuminates how we “live among such remarkable people, yet few know their stories.” For the last twenty years, I’ve had the privilege to work with countless of these “remarkable people,” and I’ve done my best to listen, and, in so doing, I hope my students will realize what I’ve known for a long time; their voices matter and deserve to be heard, but the voices of their tias and abuelitos and babushkas are equally important. When we take the time to listen, I believe we do more than affirm the humanity of others; we affirm our own as well.

Charles Sanderson has grounded his nineteen-year teaching career in a philosophy he describes as “Mirror, Window, Bridge.” Charles seeks to ensure all students see themselves, see others, and begin to learn the skills to build bridges of empathy, affinity, and understanding between communities and cultures that may seem vastly different. He proudly teaches at the Wellness, Business and Sports School in Woodburn, Oregon, a school and community that brings him joy and hope on a daily basis.

From   The Author: Response to Charles Sanderson

Dear Charles Sanderson,

Thank you for submitting an essay of your own in addition to encouraging your students to participate in YES! Magazine’s essay contest.

Your essay focused not on what is important to you, but rather on what is important to one of your students. You took what mattered to her to heart, acting upon it by going beyond the school day and creating a connection that has helped fill a huge gap in her life. Your efforts will affect her far beyond her years in school. It is clear that your involvement with this student is far from the only time you have gone beyond the classroom, and while you are not seeking personal acknowledgment, I cannot help but applaud you.

In an ideal world, every teacher, every adult, would show the same interest in our children and adolescents that you do. By taking the time to listen to what is important to our youth, we can help them grow into compassionate, caring adults, capable of making our world a better place.

Your concerted efforts to guide our youth to success not only as students but also as human beings is commendable. May others be inspired by your insights, concerns, and actions. You define excellence in teaching.

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People Are Opening Up About Their Deepest Regrets In Life, And It's Absolutely Gut-Wrenching

We all have our regrets...but some are bigger than others.

BuzzFeed Staff

Regrets are a part of life — we all have them. In the best cases, they provide us with opportunities for personal growth and help us become better people. In the worst cases, they act like giant boulders pressing down upon us that we can't get out from under, no matter how hard we try.

Over on Quora , people have been answering the question, "What is your biggest regret in life?" Their confessional responses are profoundly moving and thought-provoking. Take a look:

Warning: This post includes mentions of child loss and drug addiction.

1. "It's a simple one that changed my life forever, unfortunately. I picked up a shift at work late one night and left my kids with my Ma. It was usually Papa who watched my twins, but he was sick, so I asked Ma. I mean, that's fine and shouldn't be a big deal, right? I left, and all was good; I worked several hours, with a few check-ins and no problems. I get home early the next morning to find Ma passed out drunk on our couch with my son Patrick in the tub. He had drowned while Ma got drunk, and I'll never understand why she couldn't have waited a few minutes to start/keep drinking. I knew she was an alcoholic, but she'd gone from binging every day to just on her day off over the last several months and was doing really well with not needing alcohol to function."

"She went to prison for four years and remained sober for the last decade of her life before she died. That was her way of apologizing for Patrick's death and accepting responsibility and blame. I was proud of her for that, and though it couldn't undo her actions, it made her easier to live with."

— Fredrik T. , Quora

2. "I wish I'd come out sooner. I didn't really know about being trans until I was around 12, but I wish I'd made it more obvious when I was younger that I didn't feel like a girl. If I had shown that I felt that way before I had the freedom on the internet to explore as I pleased, my parents might've seen that nothing had influenced my feelings and would have accepted me more. Also, if I had come out sooner, that would've given them more time to accept it and me possibly getting help and hormones sooner. Right now, I'm in some weird limbo where my parents 'accept' me, but they aren't doing anything to help. If we dealt with that limbo before I hit puberty, then where I'm at right now would probably be much better. But it's too late now. I came out three years ago, and it looks like I'll have to wait another three to get hormones, assuming I can afford it."

— Zach , Quora

3. "I went to my sister's new apartment to visit her for the first time in a while and to see where she was now living. At the time I was in college and she was living in a crack-addicted nightmare. Her apartment was in a terrible neighborhood, and the belongings inside made it obvious she was down to practically nothing, literally and figuratively. I had my boyfriend with me, and the experience was very uncomfortable for both of us. She was clearly 'cracked out,' and it was really sad to see, but we still managed to giggle together and enjoy each other's presence just like we did growing up as sisters."

"My boyfriend, now my husband, gave me a nod like, 'Let's get the hell outta here!' So, I told my sister we had plans and we're going to get going. She sadly asked me to stay, suggesting she loved me being there and was really lonely. I felt bad about saying no, but at the time, pleasing my boyfriend and removing him from this awkward scenario was more important to me, so we left.

That was the last time I saw my sister alive as she died from a heart attack/drug overdose the day I moved to Madison, Wisconsin, after graduating college. I will never forget that last memory of her, and knowing I could have stayed to spend more quality time with her, regardless of how awkward it was for me, makes me feel terrible and selfish."

— Angie W. , Quora

4. "I regret losing my virginity to the wrong guy. I was in a girl's school with a strict family at home, so online platforms were the only way I could meet people, especially of the opposite gender. I was just 16 when this guy pinged me on Facebook, and we started talking. After a month, I met him and fell into that trap. I thought all the lovey-dovey things he did meant that he really loved me. I had literally no idea what actual love felt like at that time. I was just a dumb asshole with an immature and innocent heart. Anyway, I was too stupid to notice that this guy only texted me at night and only called me to talk dirty. I had all the red flags before my eyes, but being inexperienced, I thought it was all love. After some days, he took me to his flat, and he did everything. I closed my eyes and felt him all over me. I had love in my eyes and my heart. But when this guy finished, he dropped me at the nearest bus stand and stopped calling and texting me."

"I was sad and broken, and it took me four years to forget it all and get into the reality of this world. I don't regret losing my virginity before marriage; I just regret that I lost it to the wrong man who wasn't even in love with me. And what makes it worse is that years later, I realized I wasn't even in love with this man. I moved on and did great later in my life. I met so many nice people and experienced what actual love feels like. So it makes it even worse that I lost my virginity to a man whom even I didn't love."

— Shreya T. , Quora

5. "After a year in Vietnam, I came home and met a woman that I really grew to love, and I ended up marrying her. But without realizing I had PTSD, I pushed her and our sons away by drinking and staying away from home so much that she left me. Eventually, my sons also left me, and now I have no relationship with any of them."

— Charles R. , Quora

6. "Taking out student loans. A lot of them. I went to an expensive, private university 100% on loans for my undergrad and, five years later, my graduate degree. I was the first person in my family to go to college, and my parents didn’t quite understand how the financing worked. They just knew that they couldn’t help me with it at all. When it was all said and done, I owed over $100,000 for a worthless BA in Communications, a minor in English, and a worthwhile MA in Teaching. I could have gotten the same thing from a public university for about $20,000 if I had done it right. And I even worked the entire time I was in college to pay for my room and board. It’s not as if I had been lazy during those years."

"Here’s what they don’t tell you about student loans: They make you pay the interest first. I’ve been paying almost $400 per month for over 10 years (with a two-year grad school break in the middle), and my principal hasn’t gone down at all. I still owe just as much now as the day I graduated.

Barring some windfall of money in my future, I will not be done paying these loans until I am 62. I’m 37 and still paying for classes I took when I was 18 in 1998. It’s soul-crushing. And I have no one to blame but myself.

Kids, do not go into debt for a worthless college degree. If you must, do it for a degree that will get you a good job."

— Matthew B. , Quora

7. "I never told anyone about this. I destroyed a happy marriage of people I cared for. Shortly after high school, I had a very good friend I hoped would become my girlfriend. Long story short, it never panned out — I was too shy and unsure of myself. On the day I planned to try to move things forward, she started showing interest in some guy we met, and I lost my courage. This devastated me, and I lost the last shred of self-confidence. Soon after we lost contact. Later, I saw this as a pivotal moment in my life when I started believing I was unworthy of someone good and that I would never meet anyone nice. It was this death of self-esteem that pushed me into a relationship with someone I didn't really care about and then a loveless marriage — only because I was so convinced I didn't deserve happiness and that I should be content to find anyone who would want me. Stupid and selfish, now I know."

"Many years later, out of the failed marriage, I met her again. The old friendship rekindled. I met her husband and their four kids. We often met over drinks or board games or took day trips. I became a friend of the family. We had fun, and it was great. I knew they were happy. I felt great in their company.

Then, one night, when her husband was away on a business trip, the unimaginable happened. We met, had a few drinks, and got too close. My old adolescent love blinded me to the reality of today — I only remembered the desire to be with her, the disappointment of this not happening…but it was happening now. We started kissing. We realized it was wrong. I went home. The next day, we met again to discuss what happened. We tried to be strong, and still, we failed, so we became lovers.

The worst part? I was still meeting with them both like nothing had ever  happened. I still considered the guy my friend… I loved him like a brother. She wished for a way for all of us to be together. She loved both him and me. We'd heard of poly relationships before — maybe it would be possible at that? Instead, she talked him into a threesome. It was fun, but it didn't change anything. I think it was all salvageable at this moment, or maybe not with the deceit and betrayal in the background.

Then, we two became reckless. We started showing signs of affection when he could see them. It was inevitable after this intimate moment shared by all three of us…but it was also cruel. He started to be suspicious, which led to him finding evidence of our affair.

They had a big fight. He met with me a few times, trying to figure out what had happened. I tried to take all the blame on myself. Nothing helped. They both asked me to disappear from their lives. She was crying because she loved me, but she had to choose. It didn't help.

Today all I know is they are divorced and I was the reason. Almost 10 years have passed, but this is still my biggest regret, the worst, most cruel, most selfish, most stupid thing I've ever done. I have made a lot of effort to fix my life, to rearrange priorities, to live more for others, less for myself. I'm now in a happy relationship, and everything seems to be going well in my life.

But deep down, I know what I did, and I know what damage I caused — for them and for their kids. I will probably never forgive myself. I just hope they have found their happiness, but I'm too afraid to reach out and ask."

— Anonymous , Quora

8. "I was in complete shock at the sudden death of my 22-year-old son. He left behind a 1-year-old son who does not remember him and a pregnant wife who later gave birth to a daughter. My greatest regret is that I did not offer his organs to save the lives of others. My son was the epitome of good health when he drowned. To save time and distance to cross a creek at Rock State Park, Maryland, he leaped from one bolder to another, slipped on the mass of the second boulder, and became jammed between the two. It was spring runoff from the mountains, and the water flowed fast and furiously over his head as the boulders held him. His very healthy organs could have saved many lives. Even though the autopsy report said death by drowning, he did not drown. He died of a severe asthma attack because the water was 32° and had not frozen because it was flowing so rapidly. Even his lungs could have saved another life. I will never forgive myself for not offering his organs to others."

— Diane W. , Quora

9. "I started smoking at age 11. I'm now 66 and have emphysema. It's a cruel way to die. There are so many things I can't do anymore without gasping for breath. I'm glad I have no kids or grandkids as there's no way I'd be able to spend time doing things with them."

— Mick P ., Quora

10. "I never forgave my wife. My high school sweetheart and I had a son when we were just 17. We got married at 19. At 21 she cheated on me. I stayed with her because I wanted to stay near my son, but I could never forgive her. After her infidelity, she became a great wife and was always a wonderful mother, but still, I couldn't let go of the past. It took many years, but we finally divorced after my son was grown. Since our divorce five years ago, I have been miserable. I miss her terribly. We are still friends and talk regularly, but I hate that I could never forgive her. I am more unhappy without her than I was with her. I truly wish I could have found a way to get over it while we were still together."

— CarlAZV , Quora

11. "I lived with my parents until I was 32. I lived at home and went to a local college, graduating when I was 23. Got a pretty good job and saved enough money for awesome trips to Africa and Costa Rica. Bought a nice new car. Saved enough money to make a large down payment on a condo when I finally moved out. But I regret not getting out on my own much sooner. I'm very introverted and lost a lot of opportunities to learn to get along with people. I didn't have to. Sure, I had friends and dated, but I never had roommates. I had girlfriends but never had a sleepover at my parents' house. By the time I moved out, I was fully in career mode and comfortably set in my ways. I feel like I got a very delayed start learning social skills. I'm not exactly lonely. I learned to live quite happily by myself. At this point, it's just easier and more comfortable. I'm 61 now. Never married. Quite honestly, I've become a self-made hermit."

"Part of me would like to be in a long-term relationship. Hell, part of me would like to be in a short-term relationship. At this point, it's just easier not to. I know it's laziness. You don't have to tell me that. If I really wanted to, I could push out of my comfort zone, but in the end, long-standing behavior patterns are hard to break. I wish I had never established those non-social behavior patterns."

— Jeff T. , Quora

12. "I'm a single gay man. One of my life's regrets is that I never had children. I don't dwell on the subject because that's water under the bridge, but I think I would have been a great father."

— FunGayGuy , Quora

13. "My biggest regret in life is getting married. Before marriage, I was a fun-loving guy who enjoyed the little moments in life. I worked on weekdays, relaxed on weekends, and loved to travel. Life felt balanced and fulfilling. But after marriage, things changed drastically. Now, I find myself happy only two to three days a month. Even on those days, much of my time is spent trying to figure out why my wife is upset, handling household tasks like taking out the trash, making sure the bedsheets are in order, and so on. Marriage has taken away a lot of the freedom and joy I used to cherish. It's frustrating, and I miss the person I used to be."

— Ankit K. , Quora

14. "I'm 18 years old and have a 34-year-old sister, but we've never been close. As a teenager and pre-teen, I was rude and moody, but to be honest, it was because I was going through a lot. My sister would also make fun of me, and it would cause me to become more upset and not want to talk. My point is that I have never been close to my sister. We don't do sisterly things, but I love her very much. She's getting married in two days and didn't ask me to be her bridesmaid. It hurt my feelings deeply when I found out, but I know that we aren't close enough for her to want to ask me."

"During college, my best friend's sister got proposed to, and I remember sitting in her dorm, as she called her. They were so close, and she had even confided things I would never tell my sister. Her sister has even asked her to be her maid of honor. I wish we had a relationship like that. I regret being rude to her and never trying to get close to her. I've been reflecting and realize that my actions years ago will be why my sister and I will never be close. Please be nice to your family members."

— Thatonesadgirl655 , Quora 

15. "One night in my late 20s, my husband and I pulled up to a convenience store, and my husband ran in to purchase something while I waited in the car. It was a chilly evening, and a cold drizzle was turning into a rainstorm. I noticed a girl, about 15 or 16, shivering under the building's eaves trying to avoid the now driving rain. She wasn't wearing a coat, and her jeans and T-shirt were soiled and raggedy. I tried to see her more clearly through the wet windshield, and it looked as though there might be bruises on one side of her face and that she was bleeding from a cut on her lip. As I watched, she started to cry. I struggled with a profound desire to help this girl and an equally strong fear of not knowing what to do. I sat rooted in my warm, dry car, unable to make the decision to get out and approach her. Then, my husband returned. I couldn't even articulate to him the moral impasse I was in. He started the car, and we proceeded on our way."

"The memory of that young woman huddled against the plate glass storefront, looking utterly alone and bone-cold, has haunted me for 40 years. How many evenings have I gone to bed wondering what was going on with her and what became of her? How many times have I asked myself what stopped me from getting out of the car? Perhaps I should not consider this as something to regret as it deeply affected the rest of my life. I am much more empathetic than I might have otherwise been and have never allowed myself to fear helping another person again. But still, I DO truly regret not going out into the rain that evening."

— Margaret Z. , Quora

16. "My biggest regret is not inviting my son’s father to our family photo shoot. The photo shoot was a gift from my sister. I guess I didn’t want to ask because I didn’t want to deal with the logistics of getting him and the photographer in the same place at the same time. Logistics were often frustrating to him. Little did I know that he would die that same year. I don’t have a single good pic of the two of them together. It would have meant a lot to my son. My son’s dad was only 43 when he died of a heart attack. I thought I would have another opportunity. I was wrong. It’s definitely my biggest regret."

— Michele F. , Quora

17. "There's this girl. She was a smart and caring soul. Every summer when we met, she would make sure I was the happiest person on this planet. She would talk to me for hours! She loved me, and I loved her back. Two summers back, she called me suddenly. She asked, 'Why are you not here to see me? Come soon.' I had traded my visit for an internship halfway across the country, so I coolly replied, 'Very soon!' She calmly said OK, and we hung up. Two days later, she passed away. By the time I reached, her last rites were finished. The girl was my grandmother. I wish I had gone to visit her instead."

— Akshay G. , Quora

(Submissions have been edited for length and clarity. )

What is your biggest life regret? Let us know in the comments below or share it anonymously here .

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources  here .

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Essay on My Greatest Achievement In Life

Students are often asked to write an essay on My Greatest Achievement In Life in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on My Greatest Achievement In Life

My proudest moment.

My greatest achievement in life is not about winning a big trophy or getting the highest score in class. It is about learning to read. Reading was hard for me. I would look at books and feel lost. But I did not give up. I practiced every day, sounding out words and slowly making sense of sentences.

Hard Work Pays Off

After many weeks, I could read a whole book by myself. I felt like I had climbed a huge mountain. This success taught me that with patience and hard work, I can overcome tough challenges. Now, I love reading new stories, and it has opened up a world of knowledge and adventure.

250 Words Essay on My Greatest Achievement In Life

Everyone has a moment in their life that stands out as special. For me, my greatest achievement came when I learned to read. It might sound simple, but it changed everything for me.

The Challenge of Reading

When I was younger, I found reading really hard. The letters seemed to dance on the page, and I just couldn’t make sense of them. I watched my friends read easily, and I felt left behind. But I wanted to enjoy stories and learn new things, so I kept trying.

Practice and Patience

The joy of reading.

The day I read my first book on my own was my greatest achievement. It was a short story about a cat who went on adventures. But to me, it was more than just a story—it was proof that I could do something I’d once thought was impossible.

Looking Forward

Reading opened up a world of knowledge and imagination. Now, I can learn about space, dinosaurs, and faraway lands. I can read instructions, signs, and even write essays like this one. It’s amazing how one skill has given me so much. That’s why learning to read is my greatest achievement in life.

500 Words Essay on My Greatest Achievement In Life

Introduction to my greatest achievement.

Everyone has moments in their life that they are very proud of. These are times when they have done something that makes them feel happy and successful. My greatest achievement in life is not about winning a big prize or being the best at sports. It is about learning to read and write very well.

The Challenge of Learning

When I was younger, reading and writing were hard for me. I would look at the pages of a book and feel lost. The letters seemed like a secret code that I couldn’t understand. Writing was also tough. My hand would get tired, and the letters looked messy. Many of my friends could read and write without any trouble. I felt left behind and sad.

Working Hard to Improve

I knew I had to get better at reading and writing. So, I started to practice every day. I would sit with books and try to make sense of the words. I asked my teachers for help, and they gave me extra lessons. My family also supported me. They would read with me and encourage me to write short stories.

Overcoming the Obstacles

The joy of success.

After months of hard work, I could finally read books on my own. I started with simple stories and moved on to bigger books. With each book I finished, I felt more confident. Writing stories became one of my favorite things to do. I could share my thoughts and ideas with others, and that felt amazing.

Why This Is My Greatest Achievement

Some people might think that reading and writing are small things, but for me, they are huge. They opened up a world where I can learn new things every day. I can travel to magical places in my mind just by reading a book. Writing lets me create my own adventures and share them with the world.

In conclusion, my greatest achievement in life is learning to read and write very well. It was not easy, but I did not give up. This achievement is special to me because it has changed my life. I can now enjoy books, do well in school, and express myself through writing. It has taught me that with hard work and determination, I can overcome any challenge.

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Home / Essay Samples / Life / Personal Goals / The Best Thing I Ever Accomplished: My Greatest Achievement In Life

The Best Thing I Ever Accomplished: My Greatest Achievement In Life

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