how to convince your parents to not do homework

Your browser is ancient! Upgrade to a different browser or install Google Chrome Frame to experience this site.

Does Your Child Refuse To Do Homework? Teachers Share 6 Helpful Tips for Parents

The Everymom’s product selections are curated by the editorial team. If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We only recommend products we genuinely love.

Do you remember the years when it seemed like homework was a part of your daily routine? For many of us with kids, diving into homework for the first time may bring up some old feelings from our own school days. I used to love doing schoolwork at home up until middle school when having to complete homework for six classes seemed overwhelming. Besides that, I was interested in everything that impacted pre-teens , like gossip and crushes. That seemed more important than keeping up with homework.

So it should come as no surprise when our own kids have a hard time with homework and act like they’d prefer to do anything else. Perhaps, they struggle with focusing at home or understanding a subject. Not to mention some subjects are taught differently today, so it can also be tough for parents to help with homework.

It may feel easier for them to protest than to admit why they dislike homework. This can feel frustrating for you as the parent. Whether their protests look like throwing temper tantrums or simply refusing to do the work, we talked to teachers Aimee Scott (third grade) and Krista Luedtke (sixth grade) and they shared six tips that’ll help you get your kids interested in homework. 

How to Motivate Your Child To Do Homework

Communicate with your kid’s teacher.

Scott and Luedtke agreed it’s important to discuss any concerns you notice with your child’s teacher. “The first thing to do is talk to your child’s teacher and let them know your concerns,” said Scott. If they’re refusing to complete homework, Luedtke said, “It may be that your child is getting plenty of class time to complete their work but may not be using it wisely.” If that’s the case, Scott said sometimes teachers would give out alternate assignments if that might help inspire a kiddo to complete homework. Or some teachers offer partial or full credit for showing the work, even if the answer isn’t correct.

Talk positively about school

It’s normal for kids to struggle with different school subjects. In fact, you may have struggled with understanding things like history or math yourself. However, Luedtke suggested that you avoid making negative comments about your experience in order to relate to your child. “This can instantly tell your child that school is negative or that they too are bad at math,” she said. If you are frustrated or crying over your kid’s homework , Luedtke suggested looking it up yourself—either through school resources or a Google search—or reaching out to the teacher.

Source: Canva

Create a fun learning space at home for homework

If you haven’t tried this already, Luedtke suggested creating a space at home that allows your kid to focus on homework. “ Whether it is a desk in their bedroom or simply a dedicated space at the kitchen counter, be sure your child has a hard surface to work on, bright light, and minimal distractions,” she said. You know your kid more than anyone. So, you may have to identify and remove their distractions before creating a learning space for them to do their homework.

To minimize the chance your kid will associate this space with the work they’ve been uninterested in completing, you  can add interesting elements to it. “By adding cute posters, a fun lamp, readily available school supplies or a comfy chair, the space be ‘fun,'” said Luedtke. She personally loves to search for Pinterest ideas that are centered around creating a positive, safe space for kids to do homework.

As always, having a routine for your kid helps them develop positive habits as well. By incorporating homework into the usual after-school routine, kids come to expect it and might be more willing to get their assignments done before moving on to something else. 

download this free, printable chart to keep kids' after-school tasks on track

Consider soft background music

I know you’re probably thinking, “I thought minimal distractions is important!” It is, but if your child isn’t easily distracted by background noise, you may find that playing soft music is beneficial for them. Luedtke said, “As a classroom teacher, I’ve noticed that some students really thrive when they have background music playing. Not only can this help with focus, but it can put them in a good mood.”

One way to look at this is to think about how you respond to music. Maybe you’re the mom who listens to music while cleaning your home. Not only do you enjoy hearing your favorite tunes, but it may also help you feel more productive. If this is true for you, then it may also apply to your child.

Utilize visual tools that show your child’s progress

You may find that your child responds well to visual aids that show their daily or weekly homework progress. For example, “If you want your child to read for 20 minutes each night, you can put a timer on your phone or the TV,” said Luedtke. However, she cautioned, “Sometimes this can distract children as well, so use your best judgment.” Should your child become distracted by the timer on your phone or television, Luedtke suggested you try utilizing the visual tools on Classroomscreen.com . There are different resources available that you may find work better for you and your child.

Another tool you can utilize is a printable homework template that allows you and your child to see their homework progress in real-time. “This can be kept on your fridge, and your child can mark off each day they complete their work. Visual trackers are powerful for children,” said Luedtke. Scott also agreed and said, “They can add a sticker or a stamp to the chart.”

4 animals available

a homework tracker can help them visualize their progress each day

Create small goals and celebrate your kid’s completion of homework

And now, the moment you’ve been waiting for—the completion of your child’s homework. Scott said, “I suggest parents try setting small goals. For example, break assignments up into sections and reward them with a piece of candy.”

Alternatively, Luedtke said, “Celebrate your child by going out for pizza on Fridays or letting them have a friend over. Kids really, really like to work towards a goal—especially if there is a reward at the end.”

If your child gets easily frustrated with their homework or doesn’t want to complete it, helping them can be tough. If you ask yourself daily, “Does it get easier?” know you’re not alone. In those moments, try to look at it from your child’s perspective. They’re constantly experiencing information overload, just like us. This can cause them to avoid anything that feels similar at home.

Will it require a lot of patience and consistency to help your kid navigate completing their homework? Of course. But hopefully, some of these teacher-approved tips can help make it just a little bit less painful.

Create Account

Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework

By debbie pincus, ms lmhc.

Parents often feel it’s their job to get their kids to do well in school. Naturally, you might get anxious about this responsibility as a parent. You might also get nervous about your kids succeeding in life—and homework often becomes the focus of that concern.

But when parents feel it’s their responsibility to get their kids to achieve, they now need something from their children—they need them to do their homework and be a success. I believe this need puts you in a powerless position as a parent because your child doesn’t have to give you what you want.

The battle about homework becomes a battle over control. Your child starts fighting to have more control over the choices in their life, while you feel that your job as a parent is to be in control of things. So you both fight harder, and it turns into a war in your home.

Over the years, I’ve talked to many parents who are in the trenches with their kids, and I’ve seen firsthand that there are many creative ways kids rebel when it comes to schoolwork. Your child might forget to do their homework, do their homework but not hand it in, do it sloppily or carelessly, or not study properly for their test. These are just a few ways that kids try to hold onto the little control they have.

When this starts happening, parents feel more and more out of control, so they punish, nag, threaten, and argue. Some parents stop trying altogether to get their children to do homework. Or, and this is common, parents will over-function for their kids by doing the work for them.

Now the battle is in full swing: reactivity is heightened as anxiety is elevated—and homework gets lost in the shuffle. The hard truth for parents is that you cannot make your children do anything, let alone homework. But what you can do is to set limits, respect their individual choices, and help motivate them to motivate themselves.

You might be thinking to yourself, “You don’t know my child. I can’t motivate him to do anything.” Many parents tell me that their children are not motivated to do their work. I believe that children are motivated—they just may not be motivated the way you’d like them to be. Keep reading for some concrete tips to help you guide them in their work without having to nag, threaten, or fight with them.

Also, keep in mind that if you carry more of the worry, fear, disappointments, and concern than your child does about their work, ask yourself, “What’s wrong with this picture, and how did this happen?” Remember, as long as you carry their concerns, they don’t have to.

Stop the Nightly Fights

The way you can stop fighting with your kids over homework every night is to stop fighting with them tonight. Disengage from the dance. Choose some different steps or decide not to dance at all. Let homework stay where it belongs—between the teacher and the student. Stay focused on your job, which is to help your child do their job. Don’t do it for them.

If you feel frustrated, take a break from helping your child with homework. Your blood pressure on the rise is a no-win for everyone. Take five or ten minutes to calm down, and let your child do the same if you feel a storm brewing.

Create Structure Around Homework Time

Set limits around homework time. Here are a few possibilities that I’ve found to be effective with families:

• Homework is done at the same time each night.
• Homework is done in a public area of your house.
• If grades are failing or falling, take away screen time so your child can focus and have more time to concentrate on their work.
• Make it the rule that weekend activities don’t happen until work is completed. Homework comes first. As James Lehman says, “The weekend doesn’t begin until homework is done.”

Let Your Child Make Their Own Choices

I recommend that your child be free to make their own choices within the parameters you set around schoolwork. You need to back off a bit as a parent. Otherwise, you won’t be helping them with their responsibilities.

If you take too much control over the situation, it will backfire on you by turning into a power struggle. And believe me, you don’t want a power struggle over homework. I’ve seen many kids purposely do poorly just to show their parents who’s in charge. I’ve also seen children who complied to ease their parents’ anxiety, but these same kids never learned to think and make choices for themselves.

Let Your Child Own the Consequences of Their Choices

I’m a big believer in natural consequences when it comes to schoolwork. Within the structure you set up, your child has some choices. They can choose to do their homework or not. And they can choose to do it well and with effort or not. The natural consequences will come from their choices—if they don’t choose to do their work, their grades will drop.

When that happens, you can ask them some honest questions:

“Are you satisfied with how things are going?”

“What do you want to do about your grade situation?”

“How can I be helpful to you?”

Be careful not to be snarky or judgmental. Just ask the question honestly. Show honest concern and try not to show disappointment.

Intervene Without Taking Control

The expectation is that homework is done to the best of your child’s ability. When they stop making an effort, and you see their grades drop, that’s when you invite yourself in. You can say:

“It’s my job to help you do your job better. I’m going to help you set up a plan to help yourself, and I will check in to make sure you’re following it.”

Set up a plan with your child’s input to get them back on their feet. For example, the new rules might be that homework must be done in a public place in your home until they get their grades back up. You and your child might meet with the teacher to discuss disciplinary actions should their grades continue to drop.

In other words, you will help your child get back on track by putting a concrete plan in place. And when you see this change, you can step back out of it. But before that, your child is going to sit in a public space and you’re going to monitor their work.

You’re also checking in more. Depending on your child’s age, you’re making sure that things are checked off before they go out. You’re adding a half-hour of review time for their subjects every day. And then, each day after school, they’re checking with their teacher or going for some extra help.

Remember, this plan is not a punishment—it’s a practical way of helping your child to do their best.

“I Don’t Care about Bad Grades!”

Many parents will say that their kids just don’t care about their grades. My guess is that somewhere inside, they do care. “I don’t care” also becomes part of a power struggle.

In other words, your child is saying, “I’m not going to care because you can’t make me. You don’t own my life.” And they’re right. The truth is, you can’t make them care. Instead, focus on what helps their behavior improve. And focus more on their actions and less on their attitude because it’s the actions that matter the most.

Motivation Comes From Ownership

It’s important to understand that caring and motivation come from ownership. You can help your child be motivated by allowing them to own their life more.

So let them own their disappointment over their grades. Don’t feel it more than they do. Let them choose what they will do or not do about their homework and face the consequences of those choices. Now they will begin to feel ownership, which may lead to caring.

Let them figure out what motivates them, not have them motivated by fear of you. Help guide them, but don’t prevent them from feeling the real-life consequences of bad choices. Think of it this way: it’s better for your child to learn from those consequences at age ten by failing their grade and having to go to summer school than for them to learn at age 25 by losing their job.

When Your Child Has a Learning Disability

I want to note that it’s very important that you check to see that there are no other learning issues around your child’s refusal to do homework. If they’re having difficulty doing the work or are performing below grade-level expectations, they should be tested to rule out any learning disabilities or other concerns.

If there is a learning disability, your child may need more help. For example, some kids need a little more guidance; you may need to sit near your child and help a little more. You can still put structures into place depending on who your child is.

But be careful. Many times, kids with learning disabilities get way too much help and develop what psychologists call learned helplessness . Be sure you’re not over-functioning for your learning disabled child by doing their work for them or filling in answers when they’re capable of thinking through them themselves.

The Difference Between Guidance and Over-Functioning

Your child needs guidance from you, but understand that guidance does not mean doing their spelling homework for them. Rather, it’s helping them review their words. When you cross the line into over-functioning, you take on your child’s work and put their responsibilities on your shoulders. So you want to guide them by helping them edit their book report themselves or helping them take the time to review before a test. Those can be good ways of guiding your child, but anything more than that is taking too much ownership of their work.

If your child asks for help, you can coach them. Suggest that they speak with their teacher on how to be a good student and teach them those communication skills. In other words, show them how to help themselves. So you should not back off altogether—it’s that middle ground that you’re looking for. That’s why I think it’s essential to set up a structure. And within that structure, you expect your child to do what they have to do to be a good student.

Focus on Your Own Goals

When you start over-focusing on your child’s work, pause and think about your own goals and what do you need to get done to achieve those goals. Model your own persistence and perseverance to your child.

Believe In Your Child

I also tell parents to start believing in their children. Don’t keep looking at your child as a fragile creature who can’t do the work. I think we often come to the table with fear and doubt—we think if we don’t help our kids, they’re just not going to do it.

But as much as you say, “I’m just trying to help you,” what your child hears is, “You’re a failure; I don’t believe you can do it on your own.”

Instead, your message should be, “I know you can do it. And I believe in you enough to let you make your own choices and deal with the consequences.”

Related content: What Can I Do When My Child Refuses to Go to School? “My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork

For more information on the concept of learned helplessness in psychology and behavior, we recommend the following articles:

Psychology Today: Learned Helplessness

VeryWell Mind: What Is Learned Helplessness and Why Does it Happen?

About Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC

For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

You must log in to leave a comment. Don't have an account? Create one for free!

Frank My daughter Nina just turned 8 (Feb 11). She does not like to do homework one bit. Her teacher gives her homework every day except Friday. She loves Fridays because she doesn't like homework. She always hides her homework under her bed, refuses to do her homework, and in the More morning she tells her teacher "I lost it last night and can't find it!". She feels homework is a waste of time, yes, we all feel that way, but poor Nina needs to learn that homework is important to help you stay smart. She needs to start doing homework. How can I make her 2nd-grade brain know that homework is actually good? Is there a way to make her love, love, LOVE homework? Let me know.

Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach We appreciate you writing in to Empowering Parents and sharing your story. Because we are a website aimed at helping people become more effective parents, we are limited in the advice and suggestions we can give to those outside of a direct parenting role. In addition to the tips in More the article above, it may be helpful to look into local resources to help you develop a plan for addressing these particular issues with your cousins, such as their doctor or their teachers. We wish you the best going forward. Take care.

Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach I hear you. Homework can be a challenging, frustrating time in many families even under the best of circumstances, so you are not alone. When kids struggle with a subject, it can be even more difficult to get assignments completed. Although you didn’t indicate that your daughter More has ADHD, you might find some helpful tips in Why School is Hard for Kids with ADHD—and How You Can Help . Author Anna Stewart outlines techniques that can be useful to help make homework more interesting for kids with a variety of learning challenges in this article. You might also consider checking in with your daughter’s teacher, as s/he might have some additional ideas for engaging your daughter in her homework. Please be sure to write back and let us know how things are going for you and your family. Take care.

So, after reading this I get to say…GREAT…You really do not know my child.  We have done 100% of everything listed in this article.  In the end, my son has utterly declared “I DON’T CARE, AND I DON’T NEED SCHOOL”.  We have attempted a “reward” system as well, and that doesn’t work.  He cares about 3 or 4 things.  Nintendo DS, Lego, K’Nex, TV…all of those he has lost over the past year.  Now he reads, ALL the time.  Fine, but that doesn’t get his homework done.  It also doesn’t get anything else he needs to do done.  We’ve done “task boards”, we’ve done “Reward Systems”, we’ve done the “What is on your list to complete”.  EVERYTHING is met with either a full fledged meltdown (think 2 year old…on the floor, kicking and screaming and crying).  His IMMEDIATE response to ANYTHING that may interrupt him is “NO” or worse.  If something doesn’t go his way directly he throws a fit INSTANTLY, even if the response is “Give me a second” it’s NOW OR I’M DESTROYING SOMETHING.  He’s been suspended multiple times for his anger issues, and he’s only 10.  Unfortuantely we have no family history as he was adopted from Russia.  His “formal” diagnosis are ADHD and Anxiety.  I’m thinking there is something much more going on.  BTW: He did have an IQ test and that put him at 145 for Spacial and Geometric items, with a 136 for written and language.  His composite was 139, which puts him in the genius category, but he’s failing across the board…because he refuses to do the work.

Interesting article and comments. Our son (6th grade) was early diagnosed as ADHD and for the first 3 years of elementary school several of his teachers suggested he might require special education. But then the school counseling staff did a workup and determined that his IQ is 161 and from that point forward his classroom antics were largely tolerated as “eccentric”.  He has now moved to middle school (6th grade) and while his classroom participation seems to be satisfactory to all teachers, he has refused to do approximately 65% of his homework so far this school year. We have tried talking with him, reasoning with him, removing screen time, offering cash payments (which he lectures us as being unethical “bribes”), offering trips, offering hobbies and sporting events, and just about anything we can think of. Our other children have all been through the “talented and gifted” programs, but he simply refuses to participate in day-to-day school work. His fall report card was pretty much solid “F” or “O” grades. He may be bored out of his mind, or he may have some other issues. Unfortunately, home schooling is not an option, and neither is one of the $40,000 per year local private schools which may or may not be in a better position to deal with his approach to school.  Do “learning centers” work for kids like this? Paying somebody else to force him to do his homework seems like a coward’s solution but I am nearly at the end of my rope! Thanks..

RebeccaW_ParentalSupport 12yokosuka Many parents struggle with staying calm when their child is acting out and screaming, so you are not alone.  It tends to be effective to set up a structured time for kids to do their homework and study, and they can earn a privilege if they comply and meet More their responsibilities.  What this might look like for your daughter is that if she studies, she can earn her phone that day.  If she refuses, and chooses to argue or scream at you instead, then she doesn’t earn her phone that day and has another chance the next day.  You can read more about this in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/.  If you are also looking for resources to help you stay calm, I encourage you to check out our articles, blogs, and other resources on https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/parenting-strategies-techniques/calm-parenting/.  Please let us know if you have any additional questions.  Take care.

Scott carcione 

I’m sorry to hear about the challenges you are experiencing with your

son.I also hear the different

approaches you and your ex are taking toward parenting your son.While it would be ideal if you were able to

find common ground, and present a consistent, united response to your son’s

choices, in the end, you can only https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/parenting-after-divorce-9-ways-to-parent-on-your-own-terms/.At

this point, it might be useful to meet with the school to discuss how you can

work together to hold your son accountable for his actions, such as receiving a

poor grade if he refuses to do his work.Janet Lehman discusses this more in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/when-your-child-has-problems-at-school-6-tips-for-parents/.Take care.

It can be so challenging when your child is acting out at school, yet does

not act that way at home.One strategy I

recommend is talking with your son at home about his behavior at school.During this conversation, I encourage you to

address his choices, and come up with a specific plan for what he can do differently

to follow the rules.I also recommend

working with his teachers, and discussing how you can assist them in helping

your son to follow the rules.You might

find additional useful tips in our article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/acting-out-in-school-when-your-child-is-the-class-troublemaker/.Please be sure to write back and let us know

how things are going for you and your son.Take care.

I hear you.It can be so challenging

when your young child is having outbursts like this.A lot of young children tend to act out and

have tantrums when they are experiencing a big transition, such as starting a

new school or adjusting to having a younger sibling, so you are not alone.Something that can be helpful is to set up

clear structure and expectations around homework, as Janet Lehman points out in

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-child-refuses-to-do-homework-heres-how-to-stop-the-struggle/.I also encourage you to set aside some time

for you to have https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/attention-seeking-behavior-in-young-children-dos-and-donts-for-parents/ with your daughter as well.Please be sure to write back and let us know

how things are going for you and your family.Take care.

JoJoSuma I am having the exact same problem with my 9 year old son. His grades are quickly falling and I have no idea why or where to begin with helping him turn things around. When he applies himself he receives score of 80% or higher, and when he doesn't it clearly shows and he receives failing scores. He, too, says that he doesn't do or want to do the work because it is boring, or that he "Forgot" or "lost it". He has started to become a disruption to the class and at this rate I am afraid that he will have to repeat 5th grade. I am also a single parent so my frustration is at an all time high. You are not alone and I wish you and your family the best.

Thank you so much for these tips RebeccaW_ParentalSupport because I SERIOUSLY had nowhere to turn and no clue where to begin. I have cried many nights feeling like I was losing control. I will try your tips and see where things go from here.

It’s not uncommon

for kids to avoid doing homework, chores or other similar tasks.  After

all, homework can be boring or difficult, and most people (both kids and adults

alike) tend to prefer activities which are enjoyable or fun.  This does

not mean that you cannot address this with your daughter, though. 

Something which can be helpful for many families is to set up a structured

homework time, and to require that your daughter complete her homework in order

to earn a privilege later on that evening.  You can read about this, and

other tips, in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/. 

Please be sure to write back and let us know how things are going for you and

your daughter.  Take care.

Thestruggleisreal I'm just now signing up for these articles, I'm struggling with my 12 year and school work, she just doesn't want to do it, she has no care I'm world to do, she is driving me crazy over not doing, I hate to see her More fail, but I don't know what to do

FamilyMan888 

I can hear how much your

daughter’s education means to you, and the additional difficulties you are

facing as a result of her learning disabilities.  You make a great point

that you cannot force her to do her work, or get additional help, and I also

understand your concern that getting her teachers to “make” her do these things

at school might create more conflict there as well.  As James Lehman

points out in his article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/stop-the-blame-game-how-to-teach-your-child-to-stop-making-excuses-and-start-taking-responsibility/, lowering your expectations for your daughter due to her

diagnosis is probably not going to be effective either.  Instead, what you

might try is involving her in the https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/, and asking her what she thinks she needs, and what she will do

differently, to meet classroom expectations.  Please be sure to write back

and let us know how things are going for you and your family.  Take care.

tvllpit Very effective to  kids age of 5, 7, and 11 years old. Thank you for sharing your idea.

Thank you for

your question.  You are correct that we recommend setting up a structured

time for kids to do homework, yet not getting into a power struggle with them

if they refuse to do their work during that time.  It could be useful to

talk with your 11 year old about what makes it difficult to follow through with

doing homework at that time, and perhaps experimenting with doing homework at

another time to see if that works more effectively.  In the end, though,

if your child is simply refusing to do the work, then we recommend giving a

consequence and avoiding a power struggle.  Megan Devine details this

process more in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/. 

Please let us know if you have any additional questions.  Take care.

jovi916 I'm a mother to a 10 year old 5th grader. Since 3rd grade I've been struggling with homework. That first year, I thought it was just lack of consistency since my children go between mine and dad's house. I tried setting some sort of system up with More the teacher to get back on track, but the teacher said it was the child's responsibility to get the hw done. This year has been esp. Difficult. He stopped doing hw, got an F, so I got on him. He stared turning half done work, but same grades so I still got on him. Grades went up, I loosened up, then he stopped with in school work. Now it's back to not turning anything in, even big projects and presentations. He had never really been allowed to watch tv, but now it's a definite no, I took his Legos away, took him out of sports. Nothing is working. He's basically sitting at the table every night, and all weekend long in order to get caught up with missing assignments. I'm worried, and next year he'll be in middle school. I try setting an example by studying in front of him. My daughter just does her homework and gets good grades. Idk what to do.

I can hear your concern. Academic achievement is important

to most parents and when your children seem to be struggling to complete their

work and get good grades, it can be distressing. Ultimately, your childrens’

school work and grades are their responsibility. You shouldn’t have to quit

your own studies in order to help them improve theirs. The above article gives

some great tips for helping motivate your children to complete their homework.

We do have a couple other articles you may also find useful: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/10-ways-to-motivate-your-child-to-do-better-in-school/ & https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/sinking-fast-at-school-how-to-help-your-child-stay-afloat/. We appreciate you

writing in and hope you find the information useful. Take care.

RNM I have the exact same issues with my 8 year old. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. He's a smart kid, he just doesn't seem to care to do his homework let alone if he gets a bad grade as a result. He hates reading, but does More very well in spelling and science. Homework is an issue nightly and the teacher pulled me aside today to tell me again how much he talks in class and that now he isn't writing down his assignments and is missing 3 assignments this week. SMH, I don't know what to do anymore other than to coach him (some more) and take away basketball if he doesn't do his homework.

What?  "Let homework stay where it belongs—between the teacher and the student. Refuse to get pulled in by the school.."  I do not see the logic or benefit of this advice.  Homework, by definition, is the responsibility of the student and parent (NOT the teacher).  The teacher does not live at the student's home or run the house.  

In my opinion, the lack of parental involvement with academics often causes the low student performance evident across the U.S.  I do not agree with advocating for even LESS parental involvement.

I completely agree with you. Parental, or adult, engagement at home can be a deal-maker/breaker when it comes to student performance. I subscribe to theories that differ from the author's.

First, if an adult is involved with the child and his activities, then the child will commonly react with "hey, somebody cares about me" leading to an increased sense of self-worth. A sense of caring about one's-self leads to caring about grades and other socially acceptable behaviors (Maslow).

Secondly, I am a FIRM believer in the techniques of behavior modification through positive reinforcement (Karen Pryor). It's up to an invested adult to determine what motivates the student and use those motivators to shape and reinforce desirable behavior such as daily homework completion. A classroom teacher has too many students and too little time to apply this theory.

Letting a child sink or swim by himself is a bad idea. Children have only one childhood; there are no do-overs.

And yes, children are work.

Many experience similar feelings of being at fault when

their child fails, so, you’re not alone. Truth of the matter is, allowing your

child to experience natural consequences of their actions by allowing them to

fail gives them the opportunity to look at themselves and change their

behavior.  We have a couple articles I think you may find helpful: When You Should Let Your Child Fail: The Benefits of Natural Consequences & 5 Natural Consequences You Should Let Your Child Face . Good luck to you and

your family moving forward. Take care.

hao hao It is so true, we can't control our children's home. It is their responsibility. But they don't care it. What can we do it?

indusreepradeep

How great it is that you want to help your brother be more

productive with his homework. He’s lucky to have a sibling who cares about him

and wants him to be successful. Because we are a website aimed at helping

parents develop better ways of managing acting out behavior, we are limited in

the advice we can offer you as his sibling. There is a website that may be able

to offer you some suggestions. http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/

is a website aimed at helping teens and young adults figure out ways of dealing

with challenges they may be facing in their lives. They offer several ways of

getting support, such as by e-mail or text, through an online forum and chat,

and also a call in helpline. You can check out what they have to offer at http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/. Good luck

to you and your family moving forward. Take care.

Kathleenann indusreepradeep

Thank you so much for your humble support....

It sounds like you have done a lot

of work to try to help your daughter achieve her educational goals, and it’s

normal to feel frustrated when she does not seem to be putting in the same

amount of effort.  It can be useful to keep your focus on whether your

daughter is doing her work, and to keep that separate from whether she “cares”

about doing her work.  Ultimately, it is up to your daughter to do her

work, regardless of how she appears to feel about it.  To that end, we

recommend working with the various local supports you have in place, such as

her therapists and others on her IEP team, to talk about what could be useful

to motivate your daughter to do her school work.  Because individuals with

autism can vary greatly with their abilities, it’s going to be more effective

to work closely with the professionals who are familiar with your daughter’s

strengths and level of functioning in order to develop a plan to address this

issue.  Thank you so much for writing in; we wish you and your daughter

all the best as you continue to address her difficulties with school. 

is there a blog for parents that went to Therapeutic boarding schooling for their adolescent?

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

We value your opinions and encourage you to add your comments to this discussion. We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our website.

• 1. What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled From School
• 2. "My Child Refuses to Do Homework" — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork
• 3. Acting Out in School: When Your Child is the Class Troublemaker
• 4. Young Kids in School: Help for the Top 4 Behavior Problems
• 5. When Your Child Has Problems at School: 6 Tips for Parents
• 140,000+ Subscribers Subscribe
• 50,000+ Fans Follow
• 10,000+ Followers Follow
• 6,000+ Followers Follow

Disrespect... defiance... backtalk... lack of motivation...

Frustrated and exhausted by your child's behavior?

Get your FREE Personal Parenting Plan today.

Does your child exhibit angry outbursts , such as tantrums, lashing out, punching walls, and throwing things?

Would you like to learn about how to use consequences more effectively?

Backtalk... complaints... arguments... attitude... just plain ignoring you

Do you struggle with disrespect or verbal abuse from your child?

Has your child been diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)?

Or does your child exhibit a consistent and severe pattern of anger, irritability, arguing, defiance, and vindictiveness toward you or other authority figures?

Intimidation... aggression... physical abuse and violence ...

Are you concerned that your child may physically hurt you or others?

You must select at least one category to create your Personal Parenting Plan:

We're just about finished! Create a secure account with Empowering Parents to access your Personal Parenting Plan.

• Book Lists by Age
• Book Lists by Category
• Reading Resources
• Language & Speech
• Raise a Reader Blog
• Back to School
• Success Guides by Grade
• Homework Help
• Social & Emotional Learning
• Activities for Kids

How Parents Can Help With Homework (Without Taking Over)

Sometimes taking the stress out of homework means taking a step back. learn how to curb your hands-on habits and help your kids do their best..

After a long day at school, the last thing my kids want to do is tackle their assignments. And after a long day at work, arguing with them about homework is the last thing my husband and I want to do. But we’ve always thought that the more involved we were, the better off they’d be.

It turns out that that isn’t necessarily true: After looking at 30 years’ worth of studies, researchers concluded that in most cases, such parental interest actually doesn’t help raise test scores or grades — and sometimes backfires. The reason: When parents are overly immersed in homework, they deny kids the chance to become more independent and confident. Worse, it can breed anxiety along the way.

Of course, backing off is easier said than done. So we asked education pros to share their secrets for helping kids study without hovering. Use these techniques to bring peace to your evenings — starting tonight!

Old way:  Sit beside your child so you can answer questions and fix his mistakes. New way:  Stay available by doing chores nearby.

When you hover, you essentially send the message to your kid that you don’t think he can do the work. To empower him instead, stay busy and wait until he asks for your help, says Miriam Liss, Ph.D., author of Balancing the Big Stuff: Finding Happiness in Work, Family, and Life.

For example, say your child is stumped by a math problem. You could ask questions (“So how many groups of two equal eight?”). If he says, “Got it,” leave him alone. If he continues to struggle, make suggestions (“Hey, do you want to use baby carrots as manipulatives?”). He’ll feel a greater sense of accomplishment if he’s worked for the answer mostly on his own.

Also avoid stepping in to correct every mistake without your child’s input. “Homework is a chance for a child to practice what he’s learned in class,” explains Jacqueline Cross, a fourth-grade teacher in Hingham, MA. “If he’s really challenged by long division, I’d like to know that so I can help.”

If your child asks you to look over his worksheet, point out the errors in a subtle way. Say, “Can you go back and see where you went wrong here?” or even do a quick reminder of the point of the exercise (“Remember, you’re supposed to be finding coins that add up to four dollars. Want to count these numbers out loud and I’ll listen?”).

Old way:  Nag until your child starts working. New way:  Set up a no-nonsense routine.

“Make it clear that everyone has obligations — and your child’s include things like going to school, working with her teacher, and doing the best she can on her homework,” says Susan Kuczmarski, Ed.D, author of The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go.

Doing her best includes buckling down to finish her assignments without constant check-ins from you. Together, figure out a specific time and place for her to work. It’s okay if she needs a little while to recharge after school before starting, but be sure she knows that four o’clock (or whatever time is best for your fam) is non-negotiable.

Once you’ve established a firm homework routine, make it a habit that happens every day. “Kids can whine, but they just won’t get to watch their TV show or whatever else they’d like to do until the homework is done. Period,” says Dr. Liss. (There goes your need to nag!)

And if your kid doesn’t do an assignment because you failed to remind her? As tough as it is, let her deal with the consequences. You won’t always be around to stay on top of her, and learning responsibility is a cornerstone of education.

Old way:  Lecture your kid for waiting until the night before to study for the spelling test. New way:  Teach time-management skills.

Scolding just makes your child feel bad (and he’ll tune you out, anyway). But because kids appreciate structure, teach yours how to break tasks up into more manageable chunks.

A printed calendar is a great tool for learning how to map out deadlines and a better visual reminder for grade-schoolers than the digital kind. Hang it in a prominent place. Then help your kid set daily goals, like “study four words on Monday and five on Tuesday …,” or break that science project into weekly goals, like “gather resources by the 5th, plant the seeds on the 11th.”

By giving your child control over deadlines, you remove yourself from the battle: If it’s on the calendar, he’s responsible for it. Skip handing out negative consequences for not getting things done. Instead, says Dr. Liss, you can offer him rewards for hitting each of the milestones.

Old way:  Get sucked into whine fests. New way:  Walk away.

If your child gripes about the work itself (“It’s too hard!” or “I don’t get it!”), figure out what’s behind her frustration. If it’s a lack of motivation, let her know that the sooner she applies herself, the sooner it’ll get done and the faster she can move on to something more fun. Then leave the room. After all, without an audience, she can’t complain, and you avoid getting trapped in a negative cycle.

But if the material is too difficult, that’s another story. In that case, try your hand at doing some of the problems with her (as long as you can stay calm). You may be able to make that lightbulb turn on in her head.

If not, reach out to the teacher to ask for assistance (or, if your child is over 8, suggest she speak with the teacher herself). Educators don’t want their students struggling to the point of tears, so your child’s teacher will probably be happy to clue you in to extra resources that can help your kid understand the lesson.

Old way:  Work on your kid’s project until the end product is perfect. New way:  Let your child take the lead.

“We assign projects so kids get a chance to apply new skills they’ve learned,” Cross explains. So if you’re getting super hands-on to wow the teacher, do your best to resist the urge. “We see your child every day, so we’re pretty familiar with the kind of work she does!” Cross adds.

That doesn’t mean you can’t pitch in, but let your kid be the creative force. For example, if you notice that the assignment includes a timeline and your grade-schooler skipped that step, point it out, then let her figure out which dates to include and how best to showcase them. After all, brainstorming lets your child hone her problem-solving skills and increases her confidence; hand-feeding her a solution won’t teach her anything.

When your kiddo proudly shows you the finished product, tell her something specific, like “Your report really makes me want to read that book now!” or “Wow, look at all the details you included in that flower diagram!” By saying something descriptive instead of generic (“That poster you made looks really awesome!”), you’re acknowledging the content itself and the effort your child put into it rather than just how it looks, notes Dr. Kuczmarski.

Achieving balance is key — and that’s true for all homework conundrums. Says Dr. Liss: “Your goal is to find that sweet spot of being there if your kids need you, but not being totally on top of them all the time.”

Plus: 10 Homework Help Tips The Do's and Don'ts of Homework Help

• EXPLORE Random Article
• Happiness Hub

How to Persuade Your Parents to Do Something

Last Updated: May 29, 2023 Approved

This article was reviewed by Seth Hall . Seth T. Hall (ICF ACC, CLC, and MNLP) is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”. There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 16 testimonials and 87% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 207,563 times.

You've reached that point again. You need to persuade your parents to do something that they don't necessarily want to do. While the odds may not be on your side, you can take a few steps to make them more favorable for you.

Having the Conversation

• For instance, if you want to spend the night at friend's house, you'll need to know if her parents will be there, when the night will start, what you'll need to bring, and when your parents can pick you up. It also might help to have a phone number for your friend's parents. That way, your parents can call her parents.

• For instance, you could start by saying, "I have something I want to discuss with you, and I hope you will keep an open mind. I'd like to go to the dance this Saturday night."
• If you absolutely can't get it out right away, it's okay to start the conversation with something else, as long as you get to the point eventually.

• As an example, if you're trying to get your parents to let you go out for a night, you could say, "As an added bonus, you'd get the house all to yourself!"
• Another example is if you're trying to get your parents to eat out somewhere, mention their favorite dishes.

• In other words, use "I" instead of "you." Say, "I feel upset when I can't go out when my friends do," not "You're awful for not letting me go out with my friends." The second one puts your parents on their guard, while the first one just expresses what you're feeling.

• For instance, if you're trying to convince your parents that you should be in the band, you could have research articles stating how music can help you do better in math. You could say, "As this research shows, being in band can help me do better in math. I'll let you have these pages so you can read up on it."

• When you're trying to compromise, you have to figure out what both of you want or need. For instance, your parents are probably most concerned with your safety and well-being. You're probably most concerned with getting what you want, such as a little more independence.
• Say you want to spend the night at your friend's house. Your parents may not want you to because they don't know the parents and so, they don't know if you'll be safe. You can come to a compromise where you start out by everyone going out together, so your parents can meet her parents. Then, when you do go over, you can agree to check in with your parents every so often so they know you're okay. That way, you both can feel a little better about what you want.
• However, your parents might be unwilling to compromise if they think you won't be safe, so think about that when trying to make a compromise.

• For instance, if you're trying to get your parents to let you go out more, don't say, "You're awful. You need to change this decision." Instead, say things such as, "I know you want to protect me, but I feel really left out when my friends go out without me. I don't want to go to parties or get drunk. My friends like to go out to coffee or to the movies, and I feel like these activities should be acceptable."

Gaining More Trust From Your Parents

• One way to build trust is to tell your parents the truth. When you don't, your parents may find out, and then they will be less likely to trust you.
• Another way to build trust is to do what you say you will. That means you come home on time. You are where you say you're going to be. When you say you'll do your homework, you actually do it. All of these small things add up to building trust.

• When you realize you've screwed up, say "I'm very sorry that I've betrayed your trust. I know that it's worse than just breaking a rule because you've given me extra leeway. How can I begin to make it up to you?"

• Just because something is a want or desire doesn't mean you shouldn't have it. However, you need to think about what you find most important in your wants. Maybe going out with a friend one weekend is more important to you than going to a dance the next. By figuring out what you want most, you're in a better position to talk to your parents.
• When trying to decide what's most important, think about what would make you saddest to miss or not to have. That's what's most important to you.

• For instance, you could say, "I've been thinking hard about what's most important to me. While I understand that you don't want me going over to my friend's house, could we possibly go out to coffee? You can drop me off there if that makes you feel better about the situation."

Expert Q&A

• Keep it simple. Get to the point and eliminate anything vague or ambiguous. Thanks Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0
• Don’t keep adding details that you think will help your cause AFTER you have talked about it. It feels like a nag to parents and sometimes, the extra details actually make your argument weaker. To have a strong argument, keep everything in one place rather than spreading it over a few days. Have your discussion and then say 'I’ll leave you to discuss it with Dad later' or something and then make a cup of tea for them. Thanks Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0
• Ask your parents why they don't want you to have or do what you want. Explain to them how you could both get what you want. Don't push them. Keep Calm. Thanks Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0

You Might Also Like

• ↑ http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/thought/talk_parents.html#
• ↑ http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/thought/talk_parents.html
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201109/the-art-influence
• ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/persuasion-and-how-to-influence-others/
• ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/love-shack-time-move-together-0
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201402/adolescence-and-gaining-parental-permission
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201106/how-much-should-you-compromise-your-relationship
• ↑ http://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/riding-the-waves-of-the-teen-years/when-your-teen-breaks-your-trust/

About this article

If you want to do something your parents aren't thrilled about, the odds are likely against you, but you can help persuade them by being prepared and making a strong case. Before you approach your parents, pick a time when you can have their full attention. If you try to ask them when they’re busy, they might not be willing to listen to your reasoning. When you’re with them, get it out of the way early by saying something like, “I have something I want to discuss with you and I hope you keep an open mind.” As you make your case, include what’s in it for them. For example, if you’re trying to go out Friday night, remind them that they’ll get a few hours alone. Make sure to back up what you say with details about why what you want to do is important. For more tips, like how to come to a compromise with your parents, read on. Did this summary help you? Yes No

Reader Success Stories

Did this article help you?

Takia Tahsin

Oct 2, 2018

Park Yoojin

Aug 13, 2016

Feb 1, 2018

Jun 22, 2016

• About wikiHow
• Terms of Use
• Privacy Policy
• Do Not Sell or Share My Info
• Not Selling Info

Choose Your Test

• Search Blogs By Category
• College Admissions
• AP and IB Exams
• GPA and Coursework

How to Do Homework: 15 Expert Tips and Tricks

Coursework/GPA

Everyone struggles with homework sometimes, but if getting your homework done has become a chronic issue for you, then you may need a little extra help. That’s why we’ve written this article all about how to do homework. Once you’re finished reading it, you’ll know how to do homework (and have tons of new ways to motivate yourself to do homework)!

We’ve broken this article down into a few major sections. You’ll find:

• A diagnostic test to help you figure out why you’re struggling with homework
• A discussion of the four major homework problems students face, along with expert tips for addressing them
• A bonus section with tips for how to do homework fast

By the end of this article, you’ll be prepared to tackle whatever homework assignments your teachers throw at you .

So let’s get started!

How to Do Homework: Figure Out Your Struggles 

Sometimes it feels like everything is standing between you and getting your homework done. But the truth is, most people only have one or two major roadblocks that are keeping them from getting their homework done well and on time. 

The best way to figure out how to get motivated to do homework starts with pinpointing the issues that are affecting your ability to get your assignments done. That’s why we’ve developed a short quiz to help you identify the areas where you’re struggling. 

Take the quiz below and record your answers on your phone or on a scrap piece of paper. Keep in mind there are no wrong answers! 

1. You’ve just been assigned an essay in your English class that’s due at the end of the week. What’s the first thing you do?

A. Keep it in mind, even though you won’t start it until the day before it’s due  B. Open up your planner. You’ve got to figure out when you’ll write your paper since you have band practice, a speech tournament, and your little sister’s dance recital this week, too.  C. Groan out loud. Another essay? You could barely get yourself to write the last one!  D. Start thinking about your essay topic, which makes you think about your art project that’s due the same day, which reminds you that your favorite artist might have just posted to Instagram...so you better check your feed right now. 

2. Your mom asked you to pick up your room before she gets home from work. You’ve just gotten home from school. You decide you’ll tackle your chores: 

A. Five minutes before your mom walks through the front door. As long as it gets done, who cares when you start?  B. As soon as you get home from your shift at the local grocery store.  C. After you give yourself a 15-minute pep talk about how you need to get to work.  D. You won’t get it done. Between texts from your friends, trying to watch your favorite Netflix show, and playing with your dog, you just lost track of time! 

3. You’ve signed up to wash dogs at the Humane Society to help earn money for your senior class trip. You: 

A. Show up ten minutes late. You put off leaving your house until the last minute, then got stuck in unexpected traffic on the way to the shelter.  B. Have to call and cancel at the last minute. You forgot you’d already agreed to babysit your cousin and bake cupcakes for tomorrow’s bake sale.  C. Actually arrive fifteen minutes early with extra brushes and bandanas you picked up at the store. You’re passionate about animals, so you’re excited to help out! D. Show up on time, but only get three dogs washed. You couldn’t help it: you just kept getting distracted by how cute they were!

4. You have an hour of downtime, so you decide you’re going to watch an episode of The Great British Baking Show. You: 

A. Scroll through your social media feeds for twenty minutes before hitting play, which means you’re not able to finish the whole episode. Ugh! You really wanted to see who was sent home!  B. Watch fifteen minutes until you remember you’re supposed to pick up your sister from band practice before heading to your part-time job. No GBBO for you!  C. You finish one episode, then decide to watch another even though you’ve got SAT studying to do. It’s just more fun to watch people make scones.  D. Start the episode, but only catch bits and pieces of it because you’re reading Twitter, cleaning out your backpack, and eating a snack at the same time.

5. Your teacher asks you to stay after class because you’ve missed turning in two homework assignments in a row. When she asks you what’s wrong, you say: 

A. You planned to do your assignments during lunch, but you ran out of time. You decided it would be better to turn in nothing at all than submit unfinished work.  B. You really wanted to get the assignments done, but between your extracurriculars, family commitments, and your part-time job, your homework fell through the cracks.  C. You have a hard time psyching yourself to tackle the assignments. You just can’t seem to find the motivation to work on them once you get home.  D. You tried to do them, but you had a hard time focusing. By the time you realized you hadn’t gotten anything done, it was already time to turn them in. 

Like we said earlier, there are no right or wrong answers to this quiz (though your results will be better if you answered as honestly as possible). Here’s how your answers break down: 

• If your answers were mostly As, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is procrastination. 
• If your answers were mostly Bs, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is time management. 
• If your answers were mostly Cs, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is motivation. 
• If your answers were mostly Ds, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is getting distracted. 

Now that you’ve identified why you’re having a hard time getting your homework done, we can help you figure out how to fix it! Scroll down to find your core problem area to learn more about how you can start to address it. 

And one more thing: you’re really struggling with homework, it’s a good idea to read through every section below. You may find some additional tips that will help make homework less intimidating. 

How to Do Homework When You’re a Procrastinator  

Merriam Webster defines “procrastinate” as “to put off intentionally and habitually.” In other words, procrastination is when you choose to do something at the last minute on a regular basis. If you’ve ever found yourself pulling an all-nighter, trying to finish an assignment between periods, or sprinting to turn in a paper minutes before a deadline, you’ve experienced the effects of procrastination. 

If you’re a chronic procrastinator, you’re in good company. In fact, one study found that 70% to 95% of undergraduate students procrastinate when it comes to doing their homework. Unfortunately, procrastination can negatively impact your grades. Researchers have found that procrastination can lower your grade on an assignment by as much as five points ...which might not sound serious until you realize that can mean the difference between a B- and a C+. 

Procrastination can also negatively affect your health by increasing your stress levels , which can lead to other health conditions like insomnia, a weakened immune system, and even heart conditions. Getting a handle on procrastination can not only improve your grades, it can make you feel better, too! 

The big thing to understand about procrastination is that it’s not the result of laziness. Laziness is defined as being “disinclined to activity or exertion.” In other words, being lazy is all about doing nothing. But a s this Psychology Today article explains , procrastinators don’t put things off because they don’t want to work. Instead, procrastinators tend to postpone tasks they don’t want to do in favor of tasks that they perceive as either more important or more fun. Put another way, procrastinators want to do things...as long as it’s not their homework! 

3 Tips f or Conquering Procrastination 

Because putting off doing homework is a common problem, there are lots of good tactics for addressing procrastination. Keep reading for our three expert tips that will get your homework habits back on track in no time. 

#1: Create a Reward System

Like we mentioned earlier, procrastination happens when you prioritize other activities over getting your homework done. Many times, this happens because homework...well, just isn’t enjoyable. But you can add some fun back into the process by rewarding yourself for getting your work done. 

Here’s what we mean: let’s say you decide that every time you get your homework done before the day it’s due, you’ll give yourself a point. For every five points you earn, you’ll treat yourself to your favorite dessert: a chocolate cupcake! Now you have an extra (delicious!) incentive to motivate you to leave procrastination in the dust. 

If you’re not into cupcakes, don’t worry. Your reward can be anything that motivates you . Maybe it’s hanging out with your best friend or an extra ten minutes of video game time. As long as you’re choosing something that makes homework worth doing, you’ll be successful. 

#2: Have a Homework Accountability Partner 

If you’re having trouble getting yourself to start your homework ahead of time, it may be a good idea to call in reinforcements . Find a friend or classmate you can trust and explain to them that you’re trying to change your homework habits. Ask them if they’d be willing to text you to make sure you’re doing your homework and check in with you once a week to see if you’re meeting your anti-procrastination goals. 

Sharing your goals can make them feel more real, and an accountability partner can help hold you responsible for your decisions. For example, let’s say you’re tempted to put off your science lab write-up until the morning before it’s due. But you know that your accountability partner is going to text you about it tomorrow...and you don’t want to fess up that you haven’t started your assignment. A homework accountability partner can give you the extra support and incentive you need to keep your homework habits on track. 

#3: Create Your Own Due Dates 

If you’re a life-long procrastinator, you might find that changing the habit is harder than you expected. In that case, you might try using procrastination to your advantage! If you just can’t seem to stop doing your work at the last minute, try setting your own due dates for assignments that range from a day to a week before the assignment is actually due. 

Here’s what we mean. Let’s say you have a math worksheet that’s been assigned on Tuesday and is due on Friday. In your planner, you can write down the due date as Thursday instead. You may still put off your homework assignment until the last minute...but in this case, the “last minute” is a day before the assignment’s real due date . This little hack can trick your procrastination-addicted brain into planning ahead! 

If you feel like Kevin Hart in this meme, then our tips for doing homework when you're busy are for you. 

How to Do Homework When You’re too Busy

If you’re aiming to go to a top-tier college , you’re going to have a full plate. Because college admissions is getting more competitive, it’s important that you’re maintaining your grades , studying hard for your standardized tests , and participating in extracurriculars so your application stands out. A packed schedule can get even more hectic once you add family obligations or a part-time job to the mix. 

If you feel like you’re being pulled in a million directions at once, you’re not alone. Recent research has found that stress—and more severe stress-related conditions like anxiety and depression— are a major problem for high school students . In fact, one study from the American Psychological Association found that during the school year, students’ stress levels are higher than those of the adults around them. 

For students, homework is a major contributor to their overall stress levels . Many high schoolers have multiple hours of homework every night , and figuring out how to fit it into an already-packed schedule can seem impossible. 

3 Tips for Fitting Homework Into Your Busy Schedule

While it might feel like you have literally no time left in your schedule, there are still ways to make sure you’re able to get your homework done and meet your other commitments. Here are our expert homework tips for even the busiest of students. 

#1: Make a Prioritized To-Do List 

You probably already have a to-do list to keep yourself on track. The next step is to prioritize the items on your to-do list so you can see what items need your attention right away. 

Here’s how it works: at the beginning of each day, sit down and make a list of all the items you need to get done before you go to bed. This includes your homework, but it should also take into account any practices, chores, events, or job shifts you may have. Once you get everything listed out, it’s time to prioritize them using the labels A, B, and C. Here’s what those labels mean:

• A Tasks : tasks that have to get done—like showing up at work or turning in an assignment—get an A. 
• B Tasks : these are tasks that you would like to get done by the end of the day but aren’t as time sensitive. For example, studying for a test you have next week could be a B-level task. It’s still important, but it doesn’t have to be done right away.
• C Tasks: these are tasks that aren’t very important and/or have no real consequences if you don’t get them done immediately. For instance, if you’re hoping to clean out your closet but it’s not an assigned chore from your parents, you could label that to-do item with a C.

Prioritizing your to-do list helps you visualize which items need your immediate attention, and which items you can leave for later. A prioritized to-do list ensures that you’re spending your time efficiently and effectively, which helps you make room in your schedule for homework. So even though you might really want to start making decorations for Homecoming (a B task), you’ll know that finishing your reading log (an A task) is more important. 

#2: Use a Planner With Time Labels

Your planner is probably packed with notes, events, and assignments already. (And if you’re not using a planner, it’s time to start!) But planners can do more for you than just remind you when an assignment is due. If you’re using a planner with time labels, it can help you visualize how you need to spend your day.

A planner with time labels breaks your day down into chunks, and you assign tasks to each chunk of time. For example, you can make a note of your class schedule with assignments, block out time to study, and make sure you know when you need to be at practice. Once you know which tasks take priority, you can add them to any empty spaces in your day. 

Planning out how you spend your time not only helps you use it wisely, it can help you feel less overwhelmed, too . We’re big fans of planners that include a task list ( like this one ) or have room for notes ( like this one ). 

#3: Set Reminders on Your Phone 

If you need a little extra nudge to make sure you’re getting your homework done on time, it’s a good idea to set some reminders on your phone. You don’t need a fancy app, either. You can use your alarm app to have it go off at specific times throughout the day to remind you to do your homework. This works especially well if you have a set homework time scheduled. So if you’ve decided you’re doing homework at 6:00 pm, you can set an alarm to remind you to bust out your books and get to work. 

If you use your phone as your planner, you may have the option to add alerts, emails, or notifications to scheduled events . Many calendar apps, including the one that comes with your phone, have built-in reminders that you can customize to meet your needs. So if you block off time to do your homework from 4:30 to 6:00 pm, you can set a reminder that will pop up on your phone when it’s time to get started. 

This dog isn't judging your lack of motivation...but your teacher might. Keep reading for tips to help you motivate yourself to do your homework.

How to Do Homework When You’re Unmotivated 

At first glance, it may seem like procrastination and being unmotivated are the same thing. After all, both of these issues usually result in you putting off your homework until the very last minute. 

But there’s one key difference: many procrastinators are working, they’re just prioritizing work differently. They know they’re going to start their homework...they’re just going to do it later. 

Conversely, people who are unmotivated to do homework just can’t find the willpower to tackle their assignments. Procrastinators know they’ll at least attempt the homework at the last minute, whereas people who are unmotivated struggle with convincing themselves to do it at a ll. For procrastinators, the stress comes from the inevitable time crunch. For unmotivated people, the stress comes from trying to convince themselves to do something they don’t want to do in the first place. 

Here are some common reasons students are unmotivated in doing homework : 

• Assignments are too easy, too hard, or seemingly pointless 
• Students aren’t interested in (or passionate about) the subject matter
• Students are intimidated by the work and/or feels like they don’t understand the assignment 
• Homework isn’t fun, and students would rather spend their time on things that they enjoy 

To sum it up: people who lack motivation to do their homework are more likely to not do it at all, or to spend more time worrying about doing their homework than...well, actually doing it.

3 Tips for How to Get Motivated to Do Homework

The key to getting homework done when you’re unmotivated is to figure out what does motivate you, then apply those things to homework. It sounds tricky...but it’s pretty simple once you get the hang of it! Here are our three expert tips for motivating yourself to do your homework. 

#1: Use Incremental Incentives

When you’re not motivated, it’s important to give yourself small rewards to stay focused on finishing the task at hand. The trick is to keep the incentives small and to reward yourself often. For example, maybe you’re reading a good book in your free time. For every ten minutes you spend on your homework, you get to read five pages of your book. Like we mentioned earlier, make sure you’re choosing a reward that works for you! 

So why does this technique work? Using small rewards more often allows you to experience small wins for getting your work done. Every time you make it to one of your tiny reward points, you get to celebrate your success, which gives your brain a boost of dopamine . Dopamine helps you stay motivated and also creates a feeling of satisfaction when you complete your homework !  

#2: Form a Homework Group 

If you’re having trouble motivating yourself, it’s okay to turn to others for support. Creating a homework group can help with this. Bring together a group of your friends or classmates, and pick one time a week where you meet and work on homework together. You don’t have to be in the same class, or even taking the same subjects— the goal is to encourage one another to start (and finish!) your assignments. 

Another added benefit of a homework group is that you can help one another if you’re struggling to understand the material covered in your classes. This is especially helpful if your lack of motivation comes from being intimidated by your assignments. Asking your friends for help may feel less scary than talking to your teacher...and once you get a handle on the material, your homework may become less frightening, too. 

#3: Change Up Your Environment 

If you find that you’re totally unmotivated, it may help if you find a new place to do your homework. For example, if you’ve been struggling to get your homework done at home, try spending an extra hour in the library after school instead. The change of scenery can limit your distractions and give you the energy you need to get your work done. 

If you’re stuck doing homework at home, you can still use this tip. For instance, maybe you’ve always done your homework sitting on your bed. Try relocating somewhere else, like your kitchen table, for a few weeks. You may find that setting up a new “homework spot” in your house gives you a motivational lift and helps you get your work done. 

Social media can be a huge problem when it comes to doing homework. We have advice for helping you unplug and regain focus.

How to Do Homework When You’re Easily Distracted

We live in an always-on world, and there are tons of things clamoring for our attention. From friends and family to pop culture and social media, it seems like there’s always something (or someone!) distracting us from the things we need to do.

The 24/7 world we live in has affected our ability to focus on tasks for prolonged periods of time. Research has shown that over the past decade, an average person’s attention span has gone from 12 seconds to eight seconds . And when we do lose focus, i t takes people a long time to get back on task . One study found that it can take as long as 23 minutes to get back to work once we’ve been distracte d. No wonder it can take hours to get your homework done! 

3 Tips to Improve Your Focus

If you have a hard time focusing when you’re doing your homework, it’s a good idea to try and eliminate as many distractions as possible. Here are three expert tips for blocking out the noise so you can focus on getting your homework done. 

#1: Create a Distraction-Free Environment

Pick a place where you’ll do your homework every day, and make it as distraction-free as possible. Try to find a location where there won’t be tons of noise, and limit your access to screens while you’re doing your homework. Put together a focus-oriented playlist (or choose one on your favorite streaming service), and put your headphones on while you work. 

You may find that other people, like your friends and family, are your biggest distraction. If that’s the case, try setting up some homework boundaries. Let them know when you’ll be working on homework every day, and ask them if they’ll help you keep a quiet environment. They’ll be happy to lend a hand! 

#2: Limit Your Access to Technology 

We know, we know...this tip isn’t fun, but it does work. For homework that doesn’t require a computer, like handouts or worksheets, it’s best to put all your technology away . Turn off your television, put your phone and laptop in your backpack, and silence notifications on any wearable tech you may be sporting. If you listen to music while you work, that’s fine...but make sure you have a playlist set up so you’re not shuffling through songs once you get started on your homework. 

If your homework requires your laptop or tablet, it can be harder to limit your access to distractions. But it’s not impossible! T here are apps you can download that will block certain websites while you’re working so that you’re not tempted to scroll through Twitter or check your Facebook feed. Silence notifications and text messages on your computer, and don’t open your email account unless you absolutely have to. And if you don’t need access to the internet to complete your assignments, turn off your WiFi. Cutting out the online chatter is a great way to make sure you’re getting your homework done. 

#3: Set a Timer (the Pomodoro Technique)

Have you ever heard of the Pomodoro technique ? It’s a productivity hack that uses a timer to help you focus!

Here’s how it works: first, set a timer for 25 minutes. This is going to be your work time. During this 25 minutes, all you can do is work on whatever homework assignment you have in front of you. No email, no text messaging, no phone calls—just homework. When that timer goes off, you get to take a 5 minute break. Every time you go through one of these cycles, it’s called a “pomodoro.” For every four pomodoros you complete, you can take a longer break of 15 to 30 minutes.

The pomodoro technique works through a combination of boundary setting and rewards. First, it gives you a finite amount of time to focus, so you know that you only have to work really hard for 25 minutes. Once you’ve done that, you’re rewarded with a short break where you can do whatever you want. Additionally, tracking how many pomodoros you complete can help you see how long you’re really working on your homework. (Once you start using our focus tips, you may find it doesn’t take as long as you thought!)

Two Bonus Tips for How to Do Homework Fast

Even if you’re doing everything right, there will be times when you just need to get your homework done as fast as possible. (Why do teachers always have projects due in the same week? The world may never know.)

The problem with speeding through homework is that it’s easy to make mistakes. While turning in an assignment is always better than not submitting anything at all, you want to make sure that you’re not compromising quality for speed. Simply put, the goal is to get your homework done quickly and still make a good grade on the assignment! 

Here are our two bonus tips for getting a decent grade on your homework assignments , even when you’re in a time crunch. 

#1: Do the Easy Parts First 

This is especially true if you’re working on a handout with multiple questions. Before you start working on the assignment, read through all the questions and problems. As you do, make a mark beside the questions you think are “easy” to answer . 

Once you’ve finished going through the whole assignment, you can answer these questions first. Getting the easy questions out of the way as quickly as possible lets you spend more time on the trickier portions of your homework, which will maximize your assignment grade. 

(Quick note: this is also a good strategy to use on timed assignments and tests, like the SAT and the ACT !) 

#2: Pay Attention in Class 

Homework gets a lot easier when you’re actively learning the material. Teachers aren’t giving you homework because they’re mean or trying to ruin your weekend... it’s because they want you to really understand the course material. Homework is designed to reinforce what you’re already learning in class so you’ll be ready to tackle harder concepts later.

When you pay attention in class, ask questions, and take good notes, you’re absorbing the information you’ll need to succeed on your homework assignments. (You’re stuck in class anyway, so you might as well make the most of it!) Not only will paying attention in class make your homework less confusing, it will also help it go much faster, too.

What’s Next?

If you’re looking to improve your productivity beyond homework, a good place to begin is with time management. After all, we only have so much time in a day...so it’s important to get the most out of it! To get you started, check out this list of the 12 best time management techniques that you can start using today.

You may have read this article because homework struggles have been affecting your GPA. Now that you’re on the path to homework success, it’s time to start being proactive about raising your grades. This article teaches you everything you need to know about raising your GPA so you can

Now you know how to get motivated to do homework...but what about your study habits? Studying is just as critical to getting good grades, and ultimately getting into a good college . We can teach you how to study bette r in high school. (We’ve also got tons of resources to help you study for your ACT and SAT exams , too!)

These recommendations are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links, PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Trending Now

How to Get Into Harvard and the Ivy League

How to Get a Perfect 4.0 GPA

How to Write an Amazing College Essay

What Exactly Are Colleges Looking For?

ACT vs. SAT: Which Test Should You Take?

When should you take the SAT or ACT?

Get Your Free

Find Your Target SAT Score

Free Complete Official SAT Practice Tests

How to Get a Perfect SAT Score, by an Expert Full Scorer

Score 800 on SAT Math

Score 800 on SAT Reading and Writing

How to Improve Your Low SAT Score

Score 600 on SAT Math

Score 600 on SAT Reading and Writing

Find Your Target ACT Score

Complete Official Free ACT Practice Tests

How to Get a Perfect ACT Score, by a 36 Full Scorer

Get a 36 on ACT English

Get a 36 on ACT Math

Get a 36 on ACT Reading

Get a 36 on ACT Science

How to Improve Your Low ACT Score

Get a 24 on ACT English

Get a 24 on ACT Math

Get a 24 on ACT Reading

Get a 24 on ACT Science

Stay Informed

Get the latest articles and test prep tips!

Ashley Sufflé Robinson has a Ph.D. in 19th Century English Literature. As a content writer for PrepScholar, Ashley is passionate about giving college-bound students the in-depth information they need to get into the school of their dreams.

Ask a Question Below

Have any questions about this article or other topics? Ask below and we'll reply!

Adverse Childhood Experiences

"but i don't want to blame my parents", do we really have to blame our parents to get real healing.

Posted August 21, 2024 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer

• What Are Adverse Childhood Experiences?
• Find a therapist near me
• We often feel guilt and shame for even considering the wounding mistakes our parents made.
• So, very often we just won't talk about them.
• We think that talking about them means blaming them.
• But what if there's a way to get healing without blame?

As a therapist, when a client and I begin to explore their personality , their identity , and the way the client thinks, feels, and behaves, we often begin to wander into the past and they begin to tell me about the wounds of their childhood . Somewhere in that early discussion, I often hear the client say, “But I don’t want to blame them….”

We often feel very guilty about talking about our parents. We may feel that we are somehow betraying them. We want to be loyal children. We have unconscious fantasies that they are somehow watching as we talk, and they are getting their feelings hurt. We love them and we think that having problems with how they treated us means that maybe we don’t love them like we thought we did—and how can we live with that?

We also often feel a great deal of shame in talking about our parents. Not only do the above thoughts make us feel guilty, but we feel that we are weak for needing to talk about them. I mean, how many years ago was that? Shouldn’t I be over it by now?

The guilt and shame together often make it impossible to talk about them, and so we just don’t. But it turns out that rather than being weak, talking about our difficult histories is one of the bravest things we can do. Why? Because our histories have become the foundation for the roles we play and the identifications we have made with those roles. And that is why we need to talk about our parents. Not to blame them, but to discover more about ourselves.

We should know, however, that there is often a seeming betrayal happening when we begin to process our histories in our families of origin. We are often breaking the silent rules that have controlled the family dynamics for years, possibly even for generations. We often live years of our lives hypnotized by these quiet but very powerful rules. Here are some of them:

• We don’t talk about our feelings here.
• If you are punished, that means you deserved it.
• You have to think the thoughts and have the beliefs that we have, or you are not really a member of this family.
• You should be ashamed of yourself for telling family secrets.
• Be invisible—that way no one will get mad at you.
• You should always be pleasant and serve others or you are not a good person.
• Don’t get too close to people, you can’t trust anyone.
• We don’t call that abuse—this is the way we teach you. It shows that we love you.

We call these rules silent because they are mostly unspoken, but everyone in the family knows that they should abide by these rules. There’s an inner voice that secretly informs your mind, body, and heart that these are the things you should utterly believe. These are the things that are true—truer than anything else.

So, when we first begin to reveal the wounds of our childhoods, we often feel very guilty for breaking these rules. And we know, of course, that breaking rules is wrong. And so, we say, “But I don’t want to blame my parents.” “They loved me, and I know it.” “They tried hard.” “They had their own burdens to carry.”

But the question always hangs in the air: “How do I know they loved me?” Doesn’t love have to look like love? Do we have to treat people badly just because we have our own burdens to carry? And yet, these questions can’t be answered, or even asked, because they feel like blame.

Okay then, let’s talk about something else. Let’s talk about what you did with the wounds of your childhood. Did you pretend them away? Did you become a caretaker , always taking care of your parents and siblings? Did you become tough and hard because you didn’t think you could survive any other way? Did you become a super-person, outworking, outperforming, out-achieving everyone in your life so that you could rise above it and never have to feel the pain? Did you become a bully so that you would never again have to be bullied?

Now we are on to something. Because really, this is all that matters. What your parents did is done. Unfortunately, we can’t go back and undo that. But we can figure out how it affected us and begin to peel the onion skins of that effect. We can figure out and process through the emotions we never allowed ourselves to feel because it was both too painful and too much of a betrayal of the family rules.

Why would we want to do that? Because underneath all of the roles you have played and all of the identifications with those roles, there is an authentic Self that has not been allowed entry into your conscious living experience. And that person, that Self can give you the peace and the fulfillment you have been, perhaps secretly or even unconsciously, longing for.

We have chosen jobs and relationships out of the roles we play and our identifications with those roles. For example, if I’ve become a bully in order to avoid the powerless feeling that comes from being bullied, then I will make choices over and over again that keep me in a position of seeming safety, because I will always choose to be bigger and badder than anyone else. I will choose jobs, relationships, and activities that allow me to keep bullying .

If I have identified with the caretaker role, then I am likely to find myself in careers and relationships in which I end up taking care of everyone and everything. I may even find that I am being abused by others for whom I am caring because I fear that if I stop taking care of them, I will find myself to be an unworthy person.

Real healing can come from exploring and processing the ways in which what our parents did affected us. It would, indeed, be tempting to blame them at this point. And we may even indulge in that for a short while. But that is likely to take us down a rabbit hole we can’t get out of, because that focus keeps us stuck in ways that disallow real work on ourselves.

Ultimately, finding the authentic Self starts us on a new path. One in which we get to be present with our own choices. We are no longer making choices unconsciously. We are not just doing what we have always done looking for different results. We are no longer finding ourselves back in the same old place again. We can begin to have a life that belongs to us—not the parents who still reside in our heads, controlling us from there.

Andrea Mathews, LPC, NCC , is a cognitive and transpersonal therapist, internet radio show host, and the author of Letting Go of Good: Dispel the Myth of Goodness to Find Your Genuine Self.

• Find a Therapist
• Find a Treatment Center
• Find a Psychiatrist
• Find a Support Group
• Find Online Therapy
• United States
• Brooklyn, NY
• Chicago, IL
• Houston, TX
• Los Angeles, CA
• New York, NY
• Portland, OR
• San Diego, CA
• San Francisco, CA
• Seattle, WA
• Washington, DC
• Asperger's
• Bipolar Disorder
• Chronic Pain
• Eating Disorders
• Passive Aggression
• Personality
• Goal Setting
• Positive Psychology
• Stopping Smoking
• Low Sexual Desire
• Relationships
• Child Development
• Self Tests NEW
• Therapy Center
• Diagnosis Dictionary
• Types of Therapy

Sticking up for yourself is no easy task. But there are concrete skills you can use to hone your assertiveness and advocate for yourself.

• Emotional Intelligence
• Gaslighting
• Affective Forecasting
• Neuroscience

Homeschooler Pro

how to convince your parents to stop homeschooling you?

Homeschooling can be a great way to provide an education for children, but it’s not always the right choice for everyone. I know this from personal experience. When I was in fourth grade, my parents decided to homeschool me due to certain educational and lifestyle preferences.

Table of Contents

After two years of trying homeschooling, I realized that it wasn’t working out for me and wanted to go back to traditional school. It took some convincing, but eventually, my parents agreed and allowed me to make the switch.

In this article, I’ll talk about how you can convince your parents to stop homeschooling you if they’re not allowing you the opportunity to attend a traditional school.

Understand your parents’ reasons for homeschooling you.

Gaining an understanding of why your guardians have decided to take on the responsibility of educating you at home can be a critical first step in finding a solution. Through exploring alternatives, hard conversations, and listening intently to their answers, it may be possible to uncover the root cause of why they have chosen this path for you.

Financial issues often play a role as homeschooling is typically much more cost-effective than traditional schooling. Your parents may also believe that homeschooling will provide greater social and educational benefits than attending school with peers.

It is important to remember that while their decision might seem irrational or strange from your perspective, it likely has its roots in deeply held beliefs about what is best for you and your future success. Listening carefully to their points of view can help you gain insight into their thoughts and feelings about the matter. It may also give them the chance to explain why they think it’s beneficial for you not to attend school with other children your age.

Understanding the reasons behind their thinking can make it easier for both of you to work together towards finding a mutually agreeable solution such as virtual learning or hybrid-learning options if available in your area.

Once you have taken time to understand where they are coming from, expressing how peer interactions are important elements of educational growth could open up the conversation around potential solutions that would allow for some form of socialization while still providing economic factors and educational benefits comparable to homeschooling.

Having an honest discussion with your parents based on mutual understanding can go a long way towards convincing them that there are viable alternatives worth considering when it comes to educating yourself outside of the home environment.

Research the pros and cons of homeschooling and traditional schooling.

Taking a closer look at the positives and negatives of both homeschooling and traditional schooling could be beneficial in helping you make an informed decision.

Homeschooling offers alternative learning opportunities such as self-directed learning, online classes, and one-on-one instruction. It also provides more time for cultural immersion and exploration since there is no need to follow a structured curriculum.

On the other hand, traditional schooling has its advantages with teacher support, access to resources that may not be available at home, and being part of a larger educational community.

It’s important to take into account the pros and cons of each option before deciding which route is best for you. Researching different types of schools or programs may give you insight into what type of environment would work best for your specific needs.

You should consider how much parental involvement is required from homeschooling compared to traditional schooling as well as how much structure or flexibility each can offer.

The amount of research you put in will depend on how comfortable you feel making this big decision about your education. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide which type of environment suits your learning style better than the other.

Gathering information about both options will help ensure that your final decision is based on facts rather than assumptions or personal preference alone.

Identify the specific reasons why you want to stop homeschooling.

Looking at why you want to leave homeschooling can help you make an informed decision about the best educational path for you. To get started, it’s important to explore alternatives and seek advice from people outside of your family.

This will give you a better understanding of what traditional schooling is like and if it could be a good fit for you. Additionally, assessing the impact that changing your education plan could have on different aspects of your life is important in order to weigh all your options. Consider constraints such as money or time that may come into play when deciding between homeschooling and traditional school.

Talking to other students who are either currently enrolled in traditional schools or were homeschooled can be beneficial since they have experienced both systems first-hand. Asking them questions about their experience with either system can provide insight into the pros and cons that come along with each option, making it easier for you to decide which path would work best for your learning needs.

Additionally, asking your parents what their reasoning was behind starting homeschooling in the first place will help give context to the situation and allow for an open dialogue between both parties regarding a potential change in educational plans.

Once you understand why leaving homeschooling is something worth considering, having honest conversations with both yourself and those around you can help ensure that whatever decision is made will be an informed one that takes into account various factors such as resources, goals, preferences, etc., before coming to a conclusion about whether or not traditional schooling should replace homeschooling as the right choice for furthering your education.

Gather evidence to support your reasons.

Uncovering evidence to back up your reasons for leaving homeschooling can give you the confidence you need to make a change. Taking the time to research and understand why it might be beneficial for you to switch from homeschooling can help build a case that is both convincing and compelling.

Here are five important points to consider when gathering evidence:

• Reducing stress: Historically, homeschooled students often score higher on standardized tests than their peers in traditional schools. However, this may come at a cost; many homeschoolers report feeling more stressed due to an increased workload compared to public school students. Gathering data on how long it takes you to complete assignments and how much free time you have each day could demonstrate that less stress could be beneficial overall.
• Avoiding burnout: It’s normal for anyone who spends a lot of time studying or learning new material to eventually become burnt out or lose motivation. Homeschoolers may find themselves feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work they have piled up in a short period of time without having access to resources like tutoring or extra support from teachers or peers available in traditional school settings. Showcasing statistics around student burnout, lack of sleep, and quality of life could help make your point clear here.
• Developing social skills: If one of your main goals is building social skills through interacting with other students, authorities such as the American Psychological Association suggest that children learn these best by being immersed in environments where they are surrounded by people their age. Showcasing studies about adolescent brain development and the importance of these interactions will help emphasize this point further.
• Building confidence: Being around people who share similar interests and passions can increase self-esteem levels among teens according to Psychology Today as well as boost feelings of belongingness which are both essential components for healthy emotional development in young adults. Uncovering research that supports this point can then be used when presenting your argument against homeschooling.
• Weigh options: There are plenty of alternatives out there so take some time researching different options before making any decisions regarding switching from homeschooling – such as virtual schooling programs, charter schools, online classes, etc. Collect data on what kind of courses each program offers, how much flexibility there is, what types of activities they provide, etc. so that you can compare them side-by-side.

Gathering evidence means taking into account all angles – understanding not just why traditional schooling may be better for some aspects but also exploring ways one might still benefit from homeschooling while transitioning out if needed.

By considering all possibilities, it’s possible for individuals to seek an alternative education option beyond home learning while still remaining mindful and respectful towards their parents’ wishes.

Choose a time to talk to your parents when they are calm and open to discussion.

Alluding to the importance of finding an appropriate time to broach the subject, it’s key to ensure that emotions are in check and minds open before attempting to convey your perspective. Through careful consideration, you can select a time when both parties are not overwhelmed by stressors or distractions, allowing for a more amenable atmosphere conducive to productive dialogue.

This could be after school hours, during dinner, or even at bedtime—just make sure that both parents are available and ready to talk. When approaching the topic of homeschooling, focus on pointing out how conventional schooling offers a structured environment and social interaction with peers that may be lacking in home-based education.

Explain how personalized learning is beneficial but may not offer as many academic challenges as traditional schooling does. Highlight the role of parent involvement—from attending parent-teacher conferences to helping with homework—which is integral for students’ success regardless if they choose homeschooling or not.

Explain why this decision has become important to you now and how it will affect your future goals; emphasize that this conversation should be taken seriously since it holds such significance in your life. If done properly, choosing an apt moment can provide a safe space where both sides can express their views without fear of ridicule or judgment while creating an opportunity for parental understanding and compromise.

Be respectful and polite when explaining your reasons to your parents.

When presenting your case for homeschooling, it’s essential to maintain an attitude of respect and politeness in order to foster more productive dialogue.

A positive attitude when talking with your parents will go a long way in helping them understand why you want to stop homeschooling.

It is important to listen intently as they express their opinion and be open to having an honest dialogue about the issue.

Additionally, demonstrate that you’re willing to consider options that work for both parties by having a flexible mindset in the conversation.

A few key points that can help you have a successful discussion include:

• Demonstrating understanding of your parents’ point of view
• Being able to articulate your own thoughts clearly and concisely
• Asking questions in order to gain clarity on any misunderstandings or confusion

By showing a willingness to listen and engaging in an open exchange of ideas, you can ensure that the conversation is productive rather than confrontational.

Through respectful communication, both sides can come away from the conversation feeling heard and understood while being able to move forward with finding a solution that works best for everyone involved.

Be prepared to answer your parents’ questions.

Be well-informed when discussing homeschooling with your parents, as over 2 million students were being homeschooled in the US during the 2019-2020 school year. It is important to engage respectfully and listen actively to their concerns before attempting to explain why you want to stop homeschooling. When making your case, be prepared to answer any questions that they may have. Take the time to study options for traditional schooling, such as public or private schools, and look into potential programs that could provide educational support if needed.

Having an understanding of all the facts regarding traditional schooling can help immensely when trying to convince your parents of why it might be best for you. Additionally, it’s important not only talk about what changes need made but also reassure them by emphasizing that their opinions are valued and respected throughout the process. Doing so will create a productive dialogue between both parties while giving everyone peace of mind knowing their thoughts are heard and appreciated.

Be willing to compromise.

Coming to an agreement that satisfies both parties can be essential in making a decision about homeschooling, so it’s important to be willing to compromise.

When discussing alternatives with your parents, you should explore different options and weigh their advantages and disadvantages. As you consider the pros and cons of each option, look for creative solutions that could be mutually beneficial. Compromising on decisions like this can help ensure everyone is happy with the outcome.

It’s also important to remember that compromise doesn’t necessarily mean one side has to give up something they want completely; it simply means coming to terms with something less than ideal for all parties involved. You may need to make some sacrifices on either end, but by being open-minded and flexible when exploring various solutions, you can find one that works best for everyone.

Don’t be afraid to suggest ideas or offer compromises if needed – it will show your parents that you are willing to work together with them towards a resolution.

Exploring different options and finding compromising solutions can help you come up with an arrangement that everyone is satisfied with regarding homeschooling. If done properly, compromise allows both sides of the conversation room for negotiation without sacrificing too much in order for a resolution to be reached.

Keep this in mind as you continue discussions about homeschooling – it may make coming up with an agreement easier!

Be patient.

Patience is key when discussing homeschooling, so take your time and don’t rush any decisions. When trying to convince your parents to stop homeschooling you, it’s important to listen actively, consider alternatives, value their opinions, focus on compromise, and modify expectations. Make sure that patience is at the forefront of the conversation.

Listen intently to what your parents have to say without interrupting them. Respectfully seek out how they feel about different solutions and be willing to come up with compromises that work for both of you.

When having conversations with your parents, keep in mind that their primary goal is likely for you to have a good education and become successful in life. Ask questions about why they chose homeschooling in the first place – was it because they wanted more control over what you were learning or because there weren’t any other options available? It may help if you can provide alternative solutions such as enrolling in an online program or taking classes at a local community college while still living at home.

By being patient and understanding during conversations with your parents, it will be easier for them to see that there are other viable options for getting an education outside of homeschooling that could benefit everyone involved. Show them that you’re mature enough to handle this responsibility by doing research beforehand on different educational opportunities available and presenting those ideas in a respectful way during the discussion.

With these steps taken into consideration, hopefully both parties can come up with a solution that works best for everyone concerned.

Don’t give up

Despite the need for patience, it’s also important not to give up in trying to convince your parents to stop homeschooling you.

It’s important to find alternate options that might be more suitable and beneficial for your education goals. Listen to their feedback and explore options together, while at the same time being flexible and seeking understanding from both sides.

Having a discussion with your parents can help open up communication between both of you and create an environment where it’s easier for them to understand why you want to leave homeschooling behind. Explain how going back into a traditional school setting can provide more structure and better prepare you for college or entering the workforce.

Let them know that you still value their opinion but also make sure they understand this decision is ultimately yours alone. Showcase what makes traditional schooling valuable, such as having access to teachers who are experts in their subject matters, learning alongside peers in classes tailored according to grade level, participating in extracurricular activities available only at schools, among other advantages.

Point out potential opportunities that may arise from enrolling in physical classrooms such as scholarships or networking with students from different backgrounds who have similar interests or career aspirations like yourself.

I’m glad I took the time to understand my parents’ reasoning and research the pros and cons of both homeschooling and traditional schooling.

After presenting my case, I was surprised to find out that they were willing to compromise.

We agreed that I would continue with homeschooling for one more year while also taking classes at our local community college.

Even though it wasn’t the outcome I wanted, this compromise allowed me to experience a balance between homeschooling and traditional school.

In hindsight, this was a great lesson in patience, understanding, and compromise – something that couldn’t have been taught in any classroom setting!

Related posts:

• does homeschooling affect food stamps?
• how to skip grades homeschooling?
• why is homeschooling illegal in sweden?
• how to date when homeschooled?

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Terms and Conditions - Privacy Policy

How To Motivate Child To Do Homework (7 Practical Tips)

Kid is on almost every parent’s mind right now.

Getting kids to do homework is not always painful.

In fact, it can be outright fun!

In this article, I will share the secret on motivating your child to not only do homework but also love homework.

Yes, you read it right.

It is possible to love doing school work.

No yelling, screaming, threatening or crying required.

Table of Contents

Why Do Kids Hate Homework

Let’s start with kindergarteners.

For many children, kindergarten is their first formal experience in school.

Kindergarten has changed a lot over the last decade.

Once a place for socialization and play, kindergartens now emphasize the importance of learning to read, to count, to sit still and to listen to the teachers.

Going from playing all day at home to behaving or sitting still in a structured environment for hours at a time is a tough transition.

To add to that, many kindergartens also assign homework to these little children, further reducing their available play time.

It’s no wonder that some kindergarteners are not motivated to do homework.

Homework Motivation

Remember when your child was still a toddler, he/she would get into anything and everything?

They were curious and they were eager to learn about everything around them.

They were passionate learners .

Children naturally love learning, if we provide the right environment and motivate them appropriately.

Here’s the problem…

When you hear the word “motivate”, what do you think of it?

If you’re thinking about toys, money, iPad time, points, stickers, etc., you’re not alone.

Rewards (and sometimes punishments) are many parents’ go-to motivators.

Parents love them because they work almost instantly.

You present the prize and the child complies to get it. Problem solved.

Simple and effective.

But very soon, you will notice some unintended results.

Here is an example.

Some years ago, after a lecture, Professor Mark Lepper was approached by a couple who told him about a system of rewards they had set up for their son, which had produced much improved behavior at the dinner table. “He sits up straight and eats his peas and the Brussels sprouts and he is really very well behaved,” they reported. Until, that is, the first time the family dined at a nice restaurant. The child looked around, picked up a crystal glass from the table and asked, “How many points not to drop this?” A fine example, says Dr. Lepper, of the detrimental effects of over-reliance on rewards to shape children’s behavior. Mark Lepper: Intrinsic Motivation, Extrinsic Motivation and the Process of Learning By Christine VanDeVelde Luskin, Bing Nursery School at Stanford University

This example is far from rare.

In fact, it is very common when a child is motivated purely by an external reward.

Once the reward is removed, the child will no longer be interested in continuing the behavior.

What’s the right way to motivate children ?

The answer is intrinsic motivation.

Intrinsic motivation for kids refers to engaging in an activity for its pure enjoyment.

This enjoyment comes from within an individual and is a psychological satisfaction derived from performing the task, not from an extrinsic outcome.

In other words, to get your kid to do homework, first help them enjoy doing it .

It is not as crazy as it sounds.

It’s unfortunate that homework is called “work”.

We like to separate work from play.

So naturally, we feel that homework is drudgery.

But it doesn’t have to be.

Homework is a tool for children to learn and get familiar with the knowledge taught in class.

To enjoy homework, the child has to enjoy learning .

How To Motivate a Child To Do Homework

To motivate kids, we first change our mindset, from a working mindset to a learning mindset .

The goal of going to school is not about getting into college, finding a good job, earning a stable income, etc.

Of course, all of those are wonderful, but that’s a working mindset – you’re doing all that work for reasons other than enjoying the learning itself.

Going to school is about learning , acquiring knowledge, exploring new subjects and growing as a person.

In the US, the average expected years of schooling is 16.7 years.

If a child doesn’t like school, that will be 16.7 years of misery.

You don’t want that for your child.

But here’s the good news.

If you can intervene early, like in kindergarten or even before kindergarten, your child will be getting off to a good start.

So, convince yourself to change from the working mindset to the learning mindset.

It sounds abstract, but here are 7 tangible steps for moving toward that goal.

1. Stop referring to kid doing homework as your child’s “job”

When you call it a “job”, you are implying that it will be all work and no fun.

Doing that is setting up a child to feel bad even when it’s not.

2. Don’t tell your child, “you cannot play until you finish your homework”

Again, by putting homework in a category separate from play, you are saying that it cannot be enjoyable.

The importance of play cannot be overstated. So make it count.

Tell your child that they can do both (of course, only healthy physical play like basketball or biking, but not watching iPad).

They can decide the order of doing them as long as they do both by the end of the day.

You’d be surprised – giving a child autonomy over their homework schedule is one of the biggest motivators.

3. Don’t use “no homework” as rewards

I once heard that some teachers would give students with good behavior “no homework tonight” as a reward.

I was horrified.

Homework is for practicing what we’ve learned in school.

It helps us understand and remember better.

It’s not a punishment or torture that you need a “break” to feel better.

Don’t give your child the impression that homework is something you want to get away from.

4. Do not nag, bribe or force

Do not nag and do not force your kid to do homework, whether through rewards or punishment.

“But then, how to make kids do homework?” parents wonder.

Don’t make your child do homework. Period.

Forcing or bribing will only backfire and reduce your child’s intrinsic motivation.

The motivation to do homework needs to come from within the child themselves.

5. Let your child face the natural consequences

“But what to do when my child refuses to do homework?” many frustrated parents ask.

When your child refuses to do school work, let them… after you explain why doing homework is important for learning and what may happen in school if they don’t.

Walk them through the natural consequences for not doing homework – they won’t retain the information well and they will need to accept whatever natural consequences in school.

They will have to explain to the teacher why the homework was not done and they may lose some recess time, etc (but first confirm that the school doesn’t use corporal or other types of cruel punishment).

Wait… What?!

You think I should let my child fail?

Well, not doing homework in lower grades is not the end of your child’s academic career.

Think about this, you cannot force or bribe your child through college.

Help them understand the purpose of learning and doing homework now .

You’re helping them make the right decision by letting them understand and face the natural consequences sooner rather than later.

6. Do homework with your child

Don’t tell your kid that homework is important, show them through your action.

Do the homework with them.

You are telling your child you value this so much that you are willing to take the time to do it together. Besides, parental involvement is associated with better school performance.

7. Make doing homework fun and positive

There are many ways to make homework for kids fun.

Let’s take a look at two methods I’ve used and the results.

You can try them or invent your own.

Method 1: Use doing homework as a “reward” (younger kids like kindergarteners)

Wait, you said that using rewards wasn’t good a moment ago.

Now you say, “use homework as a reward”?

Well, I said rewards were bad because you would be implying the activity you’re trying to motivate your child to do was not as good as the reward.

But here, I am using homework as a reward.

I am signaling to my child that doing homework is so good that she needs to “earn it”.

How to earn it?

You can try different things.

We used “If you behave, you can do homework with me. If you don’t behave, you can’t do homework.”

We started at preschool and it worked very well.

Parents who have tried this report good results in motivating their children to do homework, too.

But some of them have concerns…

Some parents are uncomfortable with this idea because it feels manipulative.

That’s because these parents do not believe in the idea that homework can be fun.

So they feel like they’re lying to the child.

But I genuinely like homework! (Yes, I’m officially a nerd)

So I have no problem helping my child learn to love homework like me.

If you are not convinced yourself, you may not want to try this method.

Or if your child is older and already hates homework, it won’t work.

However, although I don’t agree with using manipulative measures in general, I don’t see this particular one harmful to children even if the parents do not like homework themselves.

Method 2: Turn doing homework into a game and a bonding activity

When my daughter was in preschool, I bought colorful homework books and we did them together.

Sometimes we took turns – she did one problem and I did the next and so on.

Sometimes we raced to see who would finish the page faster.

Sometimes I did them wrong intentionally so that my daughter could point out the wrong answers.

It was actually very empowering and satisfying for her to be able to catch Mom’s mistakes!

We celebrated when we both finished or got the right answers.

It was a lot of fun and my kid enjoyed doing that so much.

By the time she started kindergarten, she already loved homework.

In kindergarten, I couldn’t do her homework because, well, that’s her homework.

So I bought homework books that were similar to the ones she brought from school. Then, I did problems alongside her as she did hers.

We still raced, celebrated, and had fun doing it.

The result?

At the beginning of her kindergarten year, my daughter was given two homework books to take home.

The teacher would assign homework from the books every week.

They were supposed to be used for the entire school year.

But my kindergartener liked doing homework so much that she finished it all in one month!

No yelling, screaming, threatening, or crying is required.

Final Word On Motivating Your Kid To Do Homework

Getting your kid to do homework is only the first step in building a good learning habit.

Finishing homework or getting good grades is not the purpose of going to school.

Instill the love of learning in your child early on and your child will benefit for life.

• 1. Ginsburg KR. The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds. PEDIATRICS . Published online January 1, 2007:182-191. doi:https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2006-2697
• 2. Lepper MR, Greene D. Turning play into work: Effects of adult surveillance and extrinsic rewards on children’s intrinsic motivation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology . Published online 1975:479-486. doi:https://doi.org/10.1037/h0076484
• 3. Nye C, Turner H, Schwartz J. Approaches to Parent Involvement for Improving the Academic Performance of Elementary School Age Children. Campbell Systematic Reviews . Published online 2006:1-49. doi:https://doi.org/10.4073/csr.2006.4

Disclaimer: The content of this article is intended for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for medical concerns.

• PRO Courses Guides New Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade Sign In
• EDIT Edit this Article
• EXPLORE Tech Help Pro About Us Random Article Quizzes Request a New Article Community Dashboard This Or That Game Happiness Hub Popular Categories Arts and Entertainment Artwork Books Movies Computers and Electronics Computers Phone Skills Technology Hacks Health Men's Health Mental Health Women's Health Relationships Dating Love Relationship Issues Hobbies and Crafts Crafts Drawing Games Education & Communication Communication Skills Personal Development Studying Personal Care and Style Fashion Hair Care Personal Hygiene Youth Personal Care School Stuff Dating All Categories Arts and Entertainment Finance and Business Home and Garden Relationship Quizzes Cars & Other Vehicles Food and Entertaining Personal Care and Style Sports and Fitness Computers and Electronics Health Pets and Animals Travel Education & Communication Hobbies and Crafts Philosophy and Religion Work World Family Life Holidays and Traditions Relationships Youth
• Browse Articles
• Learn Something New
• Quizzes Hot
• Happiness Hub
• This Or That Game
• Train Your Brain
• Explore More
• Support wikiHow
• About wikiHow
• Log in / Sign up
• You and Your Parents
• Raising Issues with Parents

How to Convince Your Parents to Let You Stay Home from School

Last Updated: August 5, 2024

This article was reviewed by Seth Hall . Seth T. Hall (ICF ACC, CLC, and MNLP) is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”. This article has been viewed 1,085,579 times.

Often times, it's just too much to go to school. Maybe there's a test you didn't study for, maybe there's something like reading in front of the whole school and you're extremely shy, or maybe you're tired of being bullied . In any case, you may find yourself wanting to convince your parents to let you stay home from school. Faking sick can be as simple as saying you feel nauseous, or it could call for some theatrics and planning. Whatever illness you choose, the important thing is to commit to the act.

Talking with Your Parents

• Find a time when your parents are in a good mood. If you ask them at a bad time, they may not be as open to the idea. If they are ready to leave and you're still asking to stay home, they're likely to say no.
• Be prepared for them to say no. Unless you have a good reason to stay home, your parents may not want you to skip.

• If you feel yourself getting angry , take a deep breath. If you have time, you could try asking them again later in the day.
• Don't call your parents names, or be mean to them. They may have great reasons for wanting you to go to school. If you start yelling at them, you'll just get yourself in trouble.

• If they let you stay home on the condition that you do some chores, make sure you do them. Don't give your parents any reason not to trust you. It'll be harder to work with them in the future.
• Making good on your compromise may earn you some stock with your parents. If they see that you're responsible , you might have an easier time working things out with them later on.

• Your parents might make you go to school anyway, but they may be able to help you with your problem.

Faking a Cold

• Make sure your parents aren't around while you practice. If they catch on, you'll be going to school.
• Most people can feel a cold coming on a day or two before it happens. If you can, mention to your parents that you think you're getting sick.

• Try to fall asleep often, especially if you're watching TV. Sick kids tend to fall asleep easily. If you say you're sick one minute, but then get excited about your favorite show, your parents might not believe you. [2] X Research source
• Avoid complaining too much. The trick to acting sick is to not give the impression that you are acting sick. Keep the whining down, and don't make a scene.

• Another way is to run a thermometer under hot water to raise its temperature. This method requires a little work, as well as trusting parents. [4] X Research source
• Be careful when you fake a fever. If your temperature is too high, you may end up in the emergency room where you will soon be found out. Try to keep the fever right around 100-degrees Fahrenheit. [5] X Research source
• Don't stick the thermometer in the microwave to warm it up. This will only ruin the thermometer. [6] X Research source

• If you don't have your own makeup to use, be careful. If you get caught using mom's makeup, you might be in more trouble than it's worth.
• When choosing a lipstick to make your nose red, don't use anything metallic or shiny. Just find a basic red lipstick. [8] X Research source
• Don't go too light when making yourself pale . Find something similar to your natural skin tone. [9] X Research source
• Try putting some of the lipstick you used to make your nose red around the corners of your eyes. Be careful not to get lipstick in your eyes, and only use enough to make it look like you've been rubbing them. [10] X Research source

Faking a Stomach Ache

• Don't groan or make any gross noises. Remember, keep it simple.

• You could also try doing some physical activity, such as push-ups or sit-ups . Do just enough to get a small band of sweat going on your forehead.

Faking a Headache

• When your parents ask what is wrong, mention that your head hurts right behind your eyes. The better you are at describing the pain, the more likely it is they will take you seriously.

• Don't take this step too far. Light sensitivity is common with migraines, but a general headache may not call for it. Use this tactic at your discretion.

• For an added bonus, keep your room quiet. Turn your television off, and don't listen to music. Few parents will believe their children are choosing to stay in a dark room all day with no entertainment.

Community Q&A

• Be consistent in whatever you choose. If your stomach hurts, then suddenly your foot hurts, your parents might get suspicious. [11] X Research source Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• If you fake a sick for more than 1 day and you're "sick" the next day you will be taken to a doctor or given medicine. Be wary of this. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• You can bypass medicine, but if you do go to a doctor, they may force you medicine, or prescribe you a prescription that your parents may have to pay for. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

Tips from our Readers

• Don’t repeat a method too many times, because your parents might figure out that you are lying. Instead, alternate different excuses. For example, if one day you don’t want to go to school, fake a cold. And then if you don’t want to go to school again, pretend you have a stomach ache.
• Sometimes it works to just be honest tell them the real reason you want to stay home. For example, if you're really stressed and you need a mental health day, some parents might sympathize and let you take a day off.
• It isn't good to act sick for more than a day because many parents take their child to the doctor after a day. You might have to take medicine and it is not good to take medicine if you aren't even sick.

• Faking a sickness could get you in trouble with your parents. Make sure you understand the risks before you start playing hooky. Thanks Helpful 168 Not Helpful 31
• Don't do anything that will negatively impact your health. Don't take medicine to make yourself sick. Thanks Helpful 194 Not Helpful 46
• Don't act so sick that you end up at the doctor's office. You may be able to fool your parents, but you probably can't fool the doctor. Thanks Helpful 180 Not Helpful 46
• Don't take any medicine that you don't need! It's bad for your health, it's basically overdose. Say that your stomach doesn't feel good and act like you think medicine won't help. Thanks Helpful 152 Not Helpful 46
• If you are staying home because of problems at school, seek professional help. If you are being bullied tell your parents. Skipping school will not solve your problems. Thanks Helpful 143 Not Helpful 77
• Missing out on school constantly will cause you to get behind in class. This means that when you do go back to school, you'll be piled with work. Thanks Helpful 94 Not Helpful 64
• When school is over, you have to keep acting sick. If you were sick all day and then you get better when your friends are free, your parents will know you were lying. [12] X Research source Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

You Might Also Like

• ↑ http://www.webmd.com/cold-and-flu/features/is-your-kid-sick-just-faking-it?page=2
• ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15573/1/How-to-Fake-a-Fever.html
• ↑ http://www.xovain.com/makeup/how-to-look-sick-with-makeup

About This Article

You can convince your parents to let you stay home from school by faking a cold. To do this, start fake coughing as early as you can, like the day before, to make it believable. Besides coughing, you should sneeze occasionally and go to bed early to make your cold even more convincing. Just make sure you don’t complain too much or make a scene, as this will tip your parents off that you’re faking it. If you want to fake a stomach ache instead, spend a lot of time in the bathroom so your parents will think you’re sick. During dinner the night before, make sure to eat very little so your stomach ache is convincing. To learn how to be honest with your parents about staying home from school, read on. Did this summary help you? Yes No

• Send fan mail to authors

Reader Success Stories

May 30, 2017

Did this article help you?

Lucas Magness

Nov 13, 2017

Kawaii Potato

Sep 14, 2016

Oct 17, 2016

Ashanti Robinson

Dec 6, 2016

Featured Articles

Trending Articles

Watch Articles

• Terms of Use
• Privacy Policy
• Do Not Sell or Share My Info
• Not Selling Info

wikiHow Tech Help Pro:

Develop the tech skills you need for work and life

7 Things You Shouldn't Do When Your Kid Goes Off to College

Keep this in mind if you're struggling to cope with their next chapter.

We've been independently researching and testing products for over 120 years. If you buy through our links, we may earn a commission. Learn more about our review process.

2. Don't Track Their Location

3. don't constantly call, text and reach out, 4. don't tell them how much you miss them all the time, 5. don't bail them out at the first sign of trouble, 6. don't say, "you've changed.", 7. don't transform their room right away.

Sending a kid to college may seem like the end of a parenthood journey — or at least a new phase of parenting. At the same time, a student is going through a brand-new beginning, starting off in a different school and possibly living away from home for the first time.

1. Don't Take Over the Experience

Ultimately, it's the student's milestone, not the adult's. "Should you get the 'Proud Mom' car decal? Yes! Should you confidently wear your 'University Dad' shirt at family weekend? Absolutely! But draw the line on the 'we' statements ," says Chelsea Petree, Ph.D , Director of Parent and Family Programs at the Rochester Institute of Technology and editor of College Ready .

That includes statements like:

• We've got a great class schedule this semester!
• We're moving in on Sunday.

"While colleges see families as partners and as part of the university community," she adds, "remember that this is your student’s experience, and you should allow them to make it their own. Be proud, but remember you are now in a supporting role."

Yes, parents can get a certain peace of mind knowing that their scholar is safe and sound (or at least up and moving around, possibly to their lecture halls). But it comes at a cost to all involved. "Watching your child’s location creates high anxiety for the parent, which can mean contacting the child out of concern," Dr. Edlynn says . "This leads to the child feeling like their parents are still watching their every move even though they no longer live at home. This can result in all kinds of problems, including the child not feeling trusted and feeling less independent overall." Instead, parents should turn off the Life360 and have some faith that the student will reach out if they need to.

It's hard not to miss them. But what they need is some space to adjust to college life without being reminded of home every day. "Kids need to go through their own process of separation from parents and acclimation to college," says Stephanie Manes, LCSW , a therapist in private practice in New York City and adjunct professor at Columbia University School of Social Work. "To do this successfully, they often need to fully immerse themselves in their new life on campus and to simultaneously create some distance from you. In a way, the less you hear from them in the beginning, the better!"

"Let your child know you can’t wait to hear all about their life when they reach out to you," Dr. Edlynn adds. "Then sit on your hands and wait for your child to make the first move."

They probably miss home, too, but wallowing will only hold them back. "The more your kids know you are okay without them, the more permission they have to be okay without you," Manes says. "If your child thinks that you're really suffering in their absence, they might unconsciously create reasons to return to you."

Problem-solving and resilience are two important skills that college students are going to need to enter adulthood, and rushing in to fix all their problems means they don't get a chance to practice them. "Even if your student never truly encountered challenges before, they likely will in college," Dr. Petree says. "This will be hard to watch as a parent, whether it’s something small, like not getting the exact class schedule they want, or something more significant like getting fired from a campus job. Your first reaction might be to call the school and 'fix' it. Don’t. Now that your student is in college, your job is to stay calm, listen and help them understand their strengths so that they can move forward and grow from all experiences, even the negative ones."

That means no emailing professors or administrators on a student's behalf, reaching out to the "Parents of" Facebook group to solicit advice or scheduling appointments for them — trust that they have the ability to do it for themselves.

Rather than rushing in to fix all the problems, parents can step back and act more like a coach or a guide so that students can learn how to weather tough emotions or handle their own problems. "Be a listening ear, validate their experience and express confidence that they will get through the tough times," Dr. Edlynn says.

It may be true, but saying so may come with more judgement than intended. Actually, change should be celebrated. "One of the best things you can do to strengthen your relationship with your college student in this new phase of life is to expect them to change," says Christine Oakfield , host and producer of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast. "After all, there is a decent chance they’ll return home with new ideas, friends and thoughts."

Next time they visit home, Oakfield suggests, embrace the opportunity to discover the person they've become. "Jumping in with judgement may create a rift in your parent-child relationship that isn’t necessary," she says. "Instead, use this as an opportunity to build a strong bond, or bridge. Give them space to be themselves, respond with love — and remember that you may have undergone some change, too!"

Between all of the experts, this is the advice that came up the most. Yes, it may seem so attractive to turn a kid's room in to a home gym/craft room/guest bedroom. But that might signal that the student isn't welcome home again. "The first few times your student comes home, they will want the comfort of the familiar," Petree says. "Let them have their space … at least for the first year or so."

The same goes for clearing out some of their things while they're gone. "An item you believe to be unimportant may have untold meaning to them, so respecting their space and belongings is essential," Oakfield says, adding it's best to always just ask if it's okay to toss some things.

Craving their own space is a sign that a student still feels connected to home. "Their center of gravity is in many ways still with you," Manes says. "That will slowly shift, but it's a process that takes time. Probably longer than most parents imagine. You need to let them let go at their own pace, instead of giving them the impression that once they leave for college they're on their own."

Marisa (she/her) has covered all things parenting, from the postpartum period through the empty nest, for Good Housekeeping since 2018; she previously wrote about parents and families at Parents and Working Mother . She lives with her husband and daughter in Brooklyn, where she can be found dominating the audio round at her local bar trivia night or tweeting about movies.

@media(max-width: 64rem){.css-nkr7rg:before{margin-bottom:0.5rem;margin-right:0.625rem;color:#ffffff;width:1.25rem;bottom:-0.2rem;height:1.25rem;content:'_';display:inline-block;position:relative;line-height:1;background-repeat:no-repeat;}.loaded .css-nkr7rg:before{background-image:url(/_assets/design-tokens/latest/goodhousekeeping/static/images/Clover.5c7a1a0.svg);}}@media(min-width: 48rem){.loaded .css-nkr7rg:before{background-image:url(/_assets/design-tokens/latest/goodhousekeeping/static/images/Clover.5c7a1a0.svg);}} Parenting Tips & Advice

10 Things Adults Should Never Say to Kids

Tips for Getting the Kids to School on Time

Back-to-School Supply Shopping Lists

Why I Love Pilot Pens

100 Funny and Thoughtful New Baby Messages

The Ultimate List of the Best Jokes for Kids

150 Thought-Provoking Questions for Kids

How I Became a "Theme Dresser"

These 200 Baby Girl Names Are Short and Sweet

150 Hispanic Girl Names

200 Unique Middle Names for Girls