best wedding speech one liners

155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech

We welcome you to one of the funniest collections of wedding jokes. A great comedy culminates in marriage, and a happy marriage is full of comedy. ‎

If you’re the bride or groom, a best man or maid of honor, or merely a friend or family who can’t pass up the opportunity to express your heart and soul, the finest present you can offer to any wedding ceremony is a well-rehearsed marriage speech that is lighthearted, joyful, and cheerful. ‎

Leave the lame puns about bossy wives or disloyal husbands at the gate and focus your thoughts on the one type of humor that all wedding guests can enjoy: wedding jokes.

Below are some of the finest marriage jokes that are sure to make even Grandma’s giggle.

You May Also Be Interested In:

• romance jokes
• husband and wife jokes

Table of Contents

Best Wedding Jokes

So you’ve been invited to make a wedding toast. First and foremost, congratulations! It’s evident that you mean a lot to the couple, and that they trust you to speak on their behalf in front of all who has ever mattered to them.

But you are going to need some amazing marriage jokes to incorporate into your speech. Here are some of the best wedding jokes for you.

If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married. In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar. Since then, weddings have been held there. Times haven’t changed at all! Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” And the husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.” They married for better or for worse. He couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse! When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I’ve known him for about 10 years, he’s handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic. Sorry, wrong wedding. Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other. Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it! All marriages are mixed marriages. Q: Why was that man twisting the wedding ring on his finger? A: He was trying to figure out the combination. There’s only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again? Arguing with your wife/husband is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end, you just give up and go ‘I agree.’ By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.  If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Funny Wedding Jokes

This list of funny wedding jokes has it all, from wedding jokes to share with a groom on his big day to delightfully accurate sayings about matrimony that all ladies will understand to the perfect marriage jokes for a wedding speech or toast. ‎

I’d noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother. “Things haven’t changed that much,” she said. “Only difference is, before, he didn’t listen. Now, he can’t.” Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that. Men are like buses. They have spare tires and smell funny. My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me. Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages. Need I say more Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?” Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.” Why can’t a vampire see his bride on the wedding day? Because an open casket ceremony costs more. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. The secret to having your husband come home from work on time? Tell him sex starts at 6 P.M. sharp—whether he’s there or not. At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets. Marriage is like a video game. Starts off easy, then gets harder, and eventually you go online and find a way to cheat. A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. The very next day he received hundreds of letters that all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’ Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific. If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes. They tend to last longer and are easier to replace. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.” Husband: “Why do you keep reading our marriage license?” Wife: “I’m looking for a loophole.” Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Yes and no. My wife keeps telling everyone that she can read their minds, but she never can. She’s telepathetic. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Clever Wedding Jokes

Let us now go through some clever wedding jokes. While these lighthearted marriage quips and jokes may make a mockery of your marriage status, they are merely meant to be amusing—while also trying to make light of how difficult married life may be at times. ‎

It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either. What’s the difference between a prostitute and a wife? A wife accepts credit cards. Any husband who says, ‘My wife and I are completely equal partners’, is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. (Giving a wedding speech) “There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who finish what they start…” (walks off) What’s the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years, a job still sucks. Of course, the groom has always been incredibly image conscious, but this morning was particularly bad – he spent three hours in the bathroom! To get an idea of what that’s like, why not agree to make a wedding speech? Why did Comic Sans break up with Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type. My husband cooks for me like I’m a god—by placing burnt offerings before me every night. Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch all I wanna know is what I did wrong. The Groom has informed me that the buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, on his behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming… Husband: “Just once I wish you’d admit I’m right! Wife: “Just once, I wish you’d admit you’re wrong! Husband: “Fine! I’m wrong!” Wife: “Finally, something you’re right about!” The groom is a very talented man. Very talented indeed … He’s a gifted inventor, a shrewd businessman, a deep thinker and a noted connoisseur of the arts. He’s so talented he can fake all of that. Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just didn’t have that spark.

One Liner Wedding Jokes

It never hurts to start your wedding speech with some of the one liner wedding jokes, whether you’re the best man, maid of honor, or master of ceremonies. Select from our best-ever wedding jokes one-liners to thrash the happy couple before toasting them! ‎

May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin? As Bill and Ted once said: ‘Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.’ My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment. Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash. Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener. A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. It’s true that all men are born free and equal – but some of them get married. A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Marriage is something that puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under a man’s eyes. They’ve been together for so many years, instead of the Wedding March the organist should have played the Hallelujah Chorus! Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web. If at first you don’t succeed…try doing it the way your wife told you. The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.

Short Wedding Jokes

The most essential thing to remember about marriage speeches is that the finest ones are both sincere and humorous—and, most significantly, they last less than five minutes. So make use of these short wedding jokes in your speech.

May your children be blessed with rich parents. A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job. What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. My wife says I’m too competitive. I told her I already knew that. If I could just say a few words, I’d be a better public speaker! Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence…a life sentence! Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade! My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9. May the most you wish for be the least you get. Just listen up while I tell you about this couple, and I’ll make it seem like the shortest 45 minutes of your life Wife renewed me for another season. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent. Marriage is like deleting all the apps on your phone except one. A wise man once said, “I don’t know… ask my wife.” Girlfriend: “Honey, will you give me a ring on our wedding day?” Boyfriend: “Sure, what’s your number?” May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom. Why doesn’t our society let a man marry two wives? Because our laws protect us from cruel and unusual punishment.

Clean Wedding Jokes

To help you chuckle, we’ve compiled a list of some of our favorite clean wedding jokes below. Feel free to steal freely and mix and match these jokes as required to make your speech truly sparkle! ‎

May your household multiply, and may your hearts never be divided. Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to Ikea on a Saturday with an empty stomach is not. This couple was married for 67 years. I asked them that if, in all those years, had they ever thought of divorce. “Heavens no,” she replied. “Murder, yes. But never divorce.” Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors and don’t work half the time! To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job. He still ends up with the same boss. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. If your husband tells you you’re being too dramatic, don’t forget to bow when you thank him. For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!” Stewardess: “I’m sorry, Mr. Smith, but we left your wife behind in London.” Mr. Smith: “Thank goodness! I thought I was going deaf!” Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come! Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you. Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?” Every man and woman should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. I’d now like to focus on the groom for a moment. Enjoy it, mate. After today, this is the last time you’ll ever be the center of attention. Just asked my wife what she’s “burning up for dinner” and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings. You’ll know you’ve mastered marriage when you ask your spouse to hand you ‘that thingy’ over there and they know exactly what you mean. The groom is the kind of guy you don’t have to worry about introducing your parents to. That’s why (Bride) didn’t worry about introducing (Groom) to hers until today.

Dirty Wedding Jokes

No need to fret if you aren’t the most comic person in the world; here are some dirty wedding jokes that may be used in the best man or chief maid of honor speech. ‎

As I performed a simple medical procedure on my patient, I warned her, “After this, you can’t have sex for at least three days.” “Did you hear that?” she asked her husband. “No sex for three days.” “I heard,” he said. “But she was speaking to you.” How is a wife like bacon? They both look, smell, and taste amazing. They also both slowly kill you. Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next!” How is a wife like a freezer? It takes hours of defrosting to get either really wet. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her. What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Find a woman who can cook and clean. A woman who’s an animal in bed. A woman with lots of money. Make sure these three women never meet. Wife: “I love you.” Husband: “Is that you or the wine talking?” Wife: “It’s me. Talking to the wine.” What does every heterosexual man realize ten years into marriage? Why “gay” also means happy. What’s the difference between a bride-to-be and groom-to-be? A bride-to-be wants a shower. A groom-to-be wants to get as dirty as possible before his Big Day. How does a man really satisfy his wife in bed? By sleeping on the sofa.

Wedding Jokes for MC

While random jokes are fun, making your wedding toasts personalized or even presenting wedding jokes for MC you know from the couple being married is usually a smart idea. Here are a few of them for you. ‎

Marriage is becoming more and more progressive. I hear two scoutmasters decided to tie the knot. You can end your toast by saying: “Bob, take Susie’s hand and place your hand over her’s. Now, remember and cherish this very moment… because this is the last time you are ever going to have the upper hand!” This couple was married for 67 years. The husband/wife was asked if in all those years had they ever thought of divorce. “Heavens no,” he/she replied. “Murder, yes. But never divorce.” Self Defence They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. Grooms, once you marry, please remember that whenever you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember these two last words: “Yes dear” My wife says I never listen, or something like that. Marriage Is an Institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters. Two cannon balls got married this morning. I hear they’re already expecting BBs. 10 Years When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.  But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Did you hear about the bald man who married his comb? He promised, “I’ll never part with it!” Incomplete Man A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing. Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.

Wedding Jokes for Speech

While you’ll want to go deeply into your own recollections and sentiments for the pair for the poignant portions, zingers aren’t always easy to come by. You are going to need some wedding jokes for speech. Here are some wedding speech jokes that you may find amusing.

What do late nights, wild parties, and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those things from now on. But congratulations on your wedding! It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers. Ladies and Gentlemen: you are all about to witness a unique event in history. The very first and very last time that my wife is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, you’re either me (because I am) or you just married (groom’s name). Here’s to you and here’s to me, I hope we never disagree, But if, perchance, we ever do, Then here’s to me, and to hell with you. IN LOVING MEMORY… Before I start ladies and gentlemen, let us observe a few moments of silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns, 200 chickens, countless carnations, delphiniums, lilies and roses who selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding celebration possible. Ladies and gentlemen, today we witnessed a unique event in history – it’s the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!” For newly married couples, there is a progression of rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering! Let’s raise our glasses to the two secrets of a long-lasting marriage: a good sense of humor, and a short memory. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are “I apologize” and “You are right.” I’m not a yes man to my wife – when she says no, I say no. It’s not so much who wears the pants, but how much money is in the pockets. May you never lie, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie with each other. And if you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink with us. Cheers to the newlyweds! We are gathered here today to honor something so truly magical, so truly unique and wonderful, that it simply had to be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the doughnut wall. She (the bride) loves the finer things in life. I overheard her when the minister was going through the vows – she said “What’s all this garbage about for richer or for poorer?” Now, let’s raise our glasses to the happy couple. I actually like both of you—do you have any idea how rare that is? Two florists recently got married. It was an arranged marriage. We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone, whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love. They married for better or for worse – He couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse! Darling, tonight you will sink into my arms and tomorrow your arms will be in my sink. Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

Wedding Jokes for Best Man

One of the finest methods to deliver a wedding speech is to tell jokes and stories. If you have the honor of giving a speech, you can add some fun and spice to it with best man speech jokes. The more witty your wedding speech, the more memorable it will be. So here are some best man jokes for you.

Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. Remember: they also chose you. Cheers! The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it. Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called up for jury duty. Overheard at my garden-club meeting: “I never knew what compost was until I met my husband.” I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. A happy marriage is a matter of give and take. The husband gives and the wife takes. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Final Thoughts on Wedding Jokes

Getting married is a super important, but it’s also a moment to have fun and laugh at the absurdity of it all. It’s called an “establishment” for a reason, after all.

If you’re sick of hearing about love and marriage, you’ll appreciate the funniest wedding jokes we’ve shared with you. ‎ Getting married is exciting, but it’s also likely the biggest party you’ll ever throw.

Weddings are lovely, but they wouldn’t be possible without a little elbow grease, hard labor, and one or two catastrophes. So, if you’re getting married soon, these marriage jokes will undoubtedly help you de-stress. ‎

Wedding jokes are simply smart and amusing statements about marriage and relationships. There should be some genuineness in what you say, especially when offering advice, congratulations, and good wishes to the newlyweds.

In any event, including these wedding speech jokes is a terrific approach to engage the audience and make this portion of the ceremony unforgettable.

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110 Inspirational & Funny Wedding Toast Quotes to Make Your Speech a Hit

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

In This Article

As a part of the wedding party, you know it’s your job to plan the bridal shower , show the groom an awesome last night as a bachelor , and give a few words of wisdom.

Everyone loves funny wedding toast quotes, and funny wedding speeches. Excellent wedding toasts have love, romance, and a witty element braided into them. 

What is the purpose of a wedding toast?

Wedding toasts are reserved for the wedding party.

The purpose of a wedding toast is to wish and bless the couple for the new life together. It is a personalised wish meant for the newlyweds. It surely makes the wedding memorable. In the end, the guests raise their glasses and drink for the health, wealth and prosperity. 

What do you say at a wedding toast?

A wedding toast should be personalized and unique. While planning a wedding toast, ensure to follow these steps:

• Congratulate the couple
• Introduce yourself and your relationship with the couple/ bride/ groom
• Tell a story by using examples
• Raise your glass for the toast

Funny wedding toast quotes

The moment you get married, your freedom, sex life, and happiness are over! Or is it? This is the message that most funny wedding jokes have in common. 

If you are looking for best man speech openers or maid of honor speech quotes, consider including some funny marriage quotes. Here are some of the best inspirational and funny wedding toasts examples or funny wedding toasts one liners you can use to make your wedding speech memorable. 

Read our selection of cute and funny wedding toasts or funny lines for maid of honor speech to include in your wedding.

• “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
• “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight” – Phyllis Diller
• “It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party” – Nick Hornby
• “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles Schulz
• “Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”– Henry Kissinger
• “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft
• “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” –George Burns
• “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her” – Agatha Christie
• “True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.”– Mindy Kaling
• “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
• “Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce
• “There’s only one way to have a happy marriage , and as soon as I learn what it is, I’ll get married again.” – Clint Eastwood
• “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” – Michel de Montaigne
• “Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.” – Johnny Carson
• “May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.”
• “We are gathered here today to honor something so truly magical, so truly unique and wonderful, that it simply had to be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the doughnut wall.”

Inspirational wedding quotes

The best funny maid of honor speeches have an element of whimsical and romantic in them. When in search of wedding toast ideas, take a look at some of the inspirational wedding quotes to warm the hearts of the audience. 

 “You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” —Toni Sciarra Poynter

• “To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you are the world.” – Bill Wilson
• “Love doesn’t make the world go round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
• “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• “True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Anonymous
• “But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” – Khalil Gibran
• “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” – Martin Luther
• “Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.” – Honore de Balzac
• “It is a full-time job being honest one moment at a time, remembering to love, to honor, to respect. It is a practice, a discipline, worthy of every moment.” – Jasmine Guy
• “Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect . If it’s not based on respect, nothing that appears to be goodwill lasts very long.” – Amy Grant
• “When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband entrusting his heart to her has an unfailing prize.” —Proverbs 31:10-11
• “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” —1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Wedding quotes on love and life

To make a good impression, you need both funny quotes to start a speech and poetic quotes to wrap it up. Consider adding some quotes on love and marriage into the wedding toast.

• “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” —Ogden Nash
• “If it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.” – Leo Tolstoy
• “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” – Barbara Johnson
• “Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” – Alexander Smith
• “Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature, and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning, and unquenchable.” – Bruce Lee
• “A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” – Dave Matthews
• “To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.” – Themis Tolis
• “We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
• “I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.” – Bob Newhart
• “The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person . You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” – Julia Child
• “ But the key to our marriage is the capacity to give each other a break. And to realize that it’s not how our similarities work together; it’s how our differences work together.” – Michael J. Fox

Good marriage wedding quotes

Funny wedding toast quotes are a great way to start the speech or to end it. Wedding speeches need to be amusing. Also, they need to be motivational and bold. To make an impression include both romantic and funny quotes about marriage.

 “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin

• “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers
• “Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.” – Amy Bloom
• “To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.” – Mark Twain
• “But to sustain a marriage for 50 years, you have to get real a little bit and find someone who is understanding and who you can grow with. My mom always says, ‘Marry the man who loves you a millimeter more.” – Ali Larter
• “It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other.” – Good Will Hunting
• “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with a person, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” – When Harry Met Sally
• “Only one is a wanderer. Two together are always going somewhere.” – Vertigo
• “Equal partnerships are not made in heaven—they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time.” ~ Bruce C. Hafen
• “Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” – Franz Schubert
• “Marriage, like everything else in the world, is holy or unholy depending on the purpose the mind ascribes to it.” – Marianne Williamson
• “Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.” – James Dobson
• “When a marriage works, nothing on earth can take its place.” – Helen Gahagan
• “Experts on romance say for a happy marriage, there has to be more than a passionate love . For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition of friendship.” – Marilyn Monroe
• “Marriage is a risk; I think it’s a great and glorious risk, as long as you embark on the adventure in the same spirit.” – Cate Blanchett

Funny marriage quotes

Funny wedding speeches are unforgettable and create great wedding memories if done properly and with moderation. Funny wedding toast quotes can make a real splash, so be careful not to let any negativity spill onto the couple’s big day. Consider adding some of the funny wedding speech quotes listed here. 

• “A man is incomplete until he’s married. After that, he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
• “If love means never having to say you’re sorry, then Marriage means always having to say everything twice.” – Estelle Getty
• “Love is blind — marriage is the eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason
• “A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.” – Anonymous
• “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
• “A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.” – Terry Pratchett
• “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman
• “Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.” – Sydney Smith
• “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” – George Bernard Shaw
• “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage . We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays; I go Fridays.” – Henny Youngman
• “Before marriage, many couples are very much like people rushing to catch an airplane; once aboard, they turn into passengers. They just sit there.” – J. Paul Getty
• “Every marriage is a mystery to me, even the one I’m in. So I’m no expert on it.” – Hillary Clinton

Check out this hilarious wedding speech by the brother and take some cues:

Witty wedding quotes

Wedding toasts need some witty wedding quotes to be complete. A short wedding toast could make up for funny wedding toasts, but witty wedding quotes make up for a playful and catchy wedding speech. 

 “Always remember to fight with two words, ‘Yes Dear.’” – Anonymous

• “People are weird. When we find someone with weirdness that is compatible with ours, we team up and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss
• “Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner
• “Love is a present, so open it happily.” – Sepatu Usang
• “A good husband makes a good wife.” – John Florio
• “Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash
• “If you would be loved, love, and be lovable.” – Benjamin Franklin
• “Any fool can have a trophy wife. It takes a real man to have a trophy marriage.” – Allan K. Chalmers
• “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
• “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson
• “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash
• “Husbands are like fires – they go out when they’re left unattended.” – Cher
• “An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” – Booth Tarkington
• “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
• “Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” – Beverley Nichols
• “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” —Mickey Rooney

Wedding toast about happiness

To conclude your search for wedding speech quotes, we have selected a list of wedding toast quotes about happiness. Funny wedding toast quotes accompanied by some awesome wedding toasts on happiness will undoubtedly fortify your position as the best man or maid of honor. 

• “Marriage is the most natural state of man and the state in which you will find solid happiness.” – Benjamin Franklin
• “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert A. Heinlein
• “Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our care by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation.” – Samuel Richardson
• “The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don’t find very often, then that is what love is all about.” – Bruce Forsyth
• “Love one another, and you will be happy; it is as simple and as difficult as that.” – Michael Leunig
• “There is only one happiness in life – to love and be loved.” – George Sand
• “Happiness is only real when shared.” – Jon Krakauer
• “They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” – Tom Bodett
• “There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day, knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.” – Ronald Reagan
• “Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Wedding toasts with blessings

You care about the bride and groom and wish them well. However, you might be puzzled about how to put those good sentiments into your wedding toast. Take a look at these wedding toast quotes with classical blessings, and we are sure you will find something useful. 

• “May your love be like the misty rain, gentle coming in but flooding the river.” – Traditional African Blessing
• “May the road rise up to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, The sunshine warm upon your face, The rain fall soft upon your fields, And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.”– Irish blessing.
• “May their joys be as deep as the ocean, And their misfortunes as light as the foam.” – Armenian Blessing
• “Let’s drink to love, which is nothing—unless it’s divided by two.” – Irish blessing
• “Try to reason about love, and you will lose your reason.” – French proverb
• “May your love be modern enough to survive the times but old-fashioned enough to last forever.” – Anonymous
• “When love reigns, the impossible may be attained.” – Indian Proverb
• “No road is long with good company.” – Turkish proverb
• “He who treads the path of love walks a thousand meters as if it were only one.” —Japanese proverb
• “A life without love is like a year without summer.” —Lithuanian proverb
• “Do not measure your marriage by how much love you feel today: measure it by how much love you’ve offered today.” – Glennon Doyle Melton
• “Please make sure your glasses are charged and join me in toasting the new Mr and Mrs [NAME]. Ladies and gentlemen, to the bride and groom!”

When looking to make a funny wedding toast, why not incorporate some personal stories about the bride or groom? This is a great way to give the guests a personal insight into the more hilarious aspects of their courtship.

You can leave the anecdotes about crazy ex-boyfriends and girlfriends out of the equation, but feel free to include any adorable or funny moments you have shared or witnessed with the happy couple .

Here are some funny wedding jokes for speech and stories you can use as funny wedding toast quotes.

• “Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.”
• A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?” One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?” The man yells, “Today’s the day!”
• “Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific.”
• “It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either.”
• “Don’t be a slow learner! After his husband forgot the wedding anniversary , his wife tells him: ‘You’d better have something in front of the house, tomorrow, which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds.’ The next day, she finds on the road, a bathroom scale.”
• “Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.”
• “Marriage is like the army. Everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.”
• My sister Tina was telling her husband, Kay, about a wonderful program she had watched on TV. The show gave a national award to heroic people who put themselves in grave danger to help out someone they hardly knew. Kay replied, “That sounds a lot like getting married.”
• “Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other.”

Wrapping it up

You want wedding toasts jokes or wedding toasts to be memorable, flattering, or funny toasts for weddings to make the bride or groom laugh, use these funny wedding toast quotes to add life to your speech, but don’t forget this is a celebration of two people coming together in love, so avoid using any quotes, jokes, or stories that will embarrass or disparage the happy couple. 

Remember, funny wedding toast quotes are only a part of the speech, and they have to be introduced with zest and taste. 

Have a look at the video given below to get an idea of how can you deliver a hilarious wedding speech.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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How to Begin a Wedding Speech: Great Opening Lines

Handy one-liners to get your speech off to an amazing start.

If you've read our post on how to make a great wedding speech , you'll know that it's really important to start strong! Well, here we're showing you how to do exactly that, with a list of the best wedding speech opening lines . The beauty of this list is that it works for any kind of wedding speech, whether you're the bride, groom, best man, bridesmaid, father-of-the-bride, or even the flower girl or the groom's granny!

We've made sure to include lots of different options so there's something to suit every style of speech, whether you want to keep it simple, bring the audience to tears, or give them a giggle with a joke . Some of our wedding speech opening lines can be customised, too, to help you make your speech even more personal. So, let's dive in!

Our Favourite Wedding Speech Opening Lines

To help you find what you're looking for, we've split our sample opening lines into three categories; simple and sincere opening lines, funny opening lines and opening lines with quotes from famous people.

Note: (name) can indicate yourself, the bride/groom, the couple as a whole, or another member of the wedding party.  

Wedding Speech Opening Lines: Simple and Sincere Opening Lines

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you (name) for the kind introduction."

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. As (name's friend/relative), I'm delighted to welcome you all here tonight."

"Thank you so much, (name), for such a wonderful introduction. I only hope I can live up to your kind words!"

"Hello everyone. I hope you're all having a great night so far."

"Hello, I'm (name) and, for those of you who don't already know me, I'm (relation to couple)."

"Hi everybody, I'm (name), and I'm here to talk a little bit about my good friend (name)."

"Hi everyone, I'm (name), and I'm going to talk a little bit about (name). When I was writing this speech, I asked myself how I could sum up (X) years of friendship, laughter and adventures in one speech, and I decided that I can't. We'd be here all night."

"Hello everybody and welcome. I think we can all agree that it's been a wonderful day so far. (Couple names), you should be really proud of the amazing day you've put together. We're all very lucky to be a part of it."

"Hello everyone. I hope you're all having a great night so far. My life changed completely on (date, year), when (name) came into my life, and it changes again today, as they embark on their latest adventure with (name)."

"Hi everybody. Thank you for the warm welcome. Mark Twain once said that 'there are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars.' I'm definitely in the former category, so I hope you'll forgive me if I'm a little bit shaky this evening."

Wedding Speech Opening Lines: Funny Opening Lines to Make Guests LOL

"Hi everyone, I'm (name), and before any of you ask, yes I am single."

"Hi everyone, I'm (name), and I'll be your speaker for the next 95 minutes."

"Hi everybody. If you don't know who I am... well, you're probably at the wrong wedding! But stick around, we need extra people for the conga line."

"Hi everyone. You're probably wondering why I gathered you here today. I've got a once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity that I know you're going to - sorry, wrong speech!"

"Hello everyone! Thank you all for being here on such an exciting night. Yes, the rumours are true, I will be debuting some new choreography on the dance floor this evening. But in the mean time, I suppose I should talk a little bit about (couple names)."

"Hello, and welcome. You may know me as (name's friend/relative), but tonight, I go by the title, (name), Lord of the Dance."

"Hi everyone. Just in case you don't already know, I'm (name) and I'm the best man. There are some really successful, good-looking, charming men in the room tonight, but now that it's written on the ceremony program in black and white, it's official - I am the best."

"Hi everyone, I'm (name), and I'd like to begin my speech with a quote from the great Seamus Heaney/Maya Angelou/Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr./Mother Teresa... but unfortunately I left my speech in my other jacket. So you'll have to make do with me!"

“Hi everyone. If I could just say a few words … I’d be a better public speaker! That gag was actually stolen from Homer Simpson, which should give you an idea of the caliber of speech you can expect from me tonight.”

"Hi everyone, and welcome. Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as, 'The process of removing weeds from one's garden'. That's a Homer Simpson quote, which should give you an idea of the caliber of speech you can expect from me tonight.”

"Hello everyone, I'm (name.) According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right?"

"Hi everyone. When I was preparing this speech, (name) gave me a list of topics that were strictly off-limits, so I'd like to start with those."

"Hi everyone. I'm (name). Anyone who knows me knows that I'm (name)'s biggest fan. So much so, that I was actually quite hurt when I learned that I wasn't going to be involved in the first dance!"

"Hi everyone. I just want to take a few minutes to talk about my good friend (name). I first met (name) when we were 13, and since then, I've always looked up to him. He was, after all, the only 6ft 2' student at (school name)!"

"Good evening everyone. To our English speakers, I'd like to say welcome, we're delighted that you could be with us today to celebrate the marriage of (couple names). To our (other language) speakers, I'd like to say (use Google Translate or ask a native speaker to translate, 'My llama is very handsome. I hope my translation is correct.')"

Wedding Speech Opening Lines: Beginning with a Quote

"Hi everyone. I'd like to begin my speech with a quote from Dr. James Dobson, who said, 'Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.' "

"Hi everyone. I'd like to begin my speech with a quote from Franz Schubert, who said, 'Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.' "

"Hi everyone. I'd like to begin my speech with a quote from The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who said, 'There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.' "

"Hi everyone. I'd like to begin my speech with a quote from Franklin P. Jones, who said, 'Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.' "

"Hi everyone, I'm (name.) I hope you're all having a wonderful day so far. When I got married to my partner (name), somebody told me, 'Don't just be husband and wife, be president of each other's fan clubs,' and I'd like to pass on that same advice to (couple)."

"Hello everyone. I'd like to begin with a quote from Mignon McLaughlin, who said, 'A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.' Over the past (x) years, I've had the pleasure of watching (name) fall in love with (name) over and over again."

Click herefor a handy checklist of people to thank in your wedding speech , plus how to keep the speeches from being too long !

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Adam and grace, via one fab day, see more in:.

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25 funny opening lines for wedding speeches.

W edd ing speeches are an important part of any wedding celebration . They provide an opportunity for the couple to thank their family and friends and express their love for one another . But , it can be difficult to come up with the perfect opening line for your speech .

Never fear ! We ’ ve compiled a list of 25 funny opening lines for wedding speeches that are sure to get your guests laughing . From classic one - liners to pun s and jokes , these lines will give you the perfect start to your speech .

1 . “ Good evening everyone , I have a few words to say , so I ’ m going to make like a tree and leave . ”

2 . “ I wanted to start my speech with a joke , but I couldn ’ t find one that was appropriate for a wedding . So , I ’ ll just say congratulations ! ”

3 . “ If I had a dollar for every time I ’ ve heard a wedding speech , I ’ d be rich . ”

4 . “ I ’ ve been told I have to give a speech , so here goes nothing . ”

#5 . “ I ’ m not here to give a speech , I ’ m here to give a toast ! ”

6 . “ I ’ m not sure what I ’ m supposed to say , but I ’ m sure it ’ ll come to me eventually . ”

7 . “ I ’ m not sure how to start this speech , so I ’ ll just say congratulations to the happy couple ! ”

8 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered that I ’ m not a comedian . So , congratulations ! ”

9 . “ I ’ ve been asked to give a speech and I have no idea what to say , so I ’ m just going to wing it . ”

10 . “ I was about to give a speech , but then I remembered I don ’ t actually have anything to say . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

11 . “ I ’ m not sure what I ’ m supposed to say , but I ’ m sure it ’ ll come to me in a moment . So , in the meantime , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

12 . “ I ’ m not sure what I ’ m supposed to say , so I ’ m just going to start off by saying congratulations ! ”

13 . “ I didn ’ t plan on giving a speech , but here I am . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

14 . “ I ’ m not sure what to say , but I ’ m sure it ’ ll come to me … eventually . ”

15 . “ I don ’ t know what to say , so I ’ m just going to say “ che ers ” to the happy couple ! ”

16 . “ I ’ m not sure what to say , so I ’ m just going to say “ cong ratulations ” to the happy couple ! ”

17 . “ I was trying to think of something to say , but then I realized that I don ’ t have to say anything . So , cheers to the happy couple ! ”

18 . “ I was going to say something funny , but then I realized that this is a wedding and not a comedy show . So , congratulations ! ”

19 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I realized that I don ’ t actually know any jokes . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

20 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered that this is a wedding and not a comedy club . So , congratulations ! ”

21 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered this isn ’ t a roast . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

22 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I realized I don ’ t actually know any jokes . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

23 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered that this is a wedding and not a stand - up comedy show . So , congratulations ! ”

24 . need 24 and 25 24 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I realized I don ’ t have any jokes that are appropriate for a wedding . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

25 . “ I was looking for the perfect joke to start my speech with , but then I realized that nothing I could say could measure up to the happiness of this day . So , congratulations ! ”

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The 50 Best Jokes For Your Best Man Speech

As the best man, you’re tasked with giving the toast—maybe the most famous one of the evening. For the big speech, it’s important to have some jokes scattered throughout. The couple gets to be sentimental. Her father gets to be sad and nostalgic. You need to bring the funny like it’s showtime at the Apollo. That’s no easy task, either. Luckily, there are dozens of jokes that have already been written that you can plug your buddy’s name into and carry on. We compiled some of our favorites for you here. Good luck!

Good evening everyone. I’m so happy to preside over the only five minutes that the bride didn’t plan. Of course, I’m only kidding. We went over the speech 40 minutes ago in the hall.

It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers.

We’ve reached the moment in the evening where we get to watch the groom figet and worry in anticipation. Yes, everyone, I’ve been asked by the staff to give him the bill.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I just want to apologize for not being an experienced public speaker. I’m probably going to spend most of the time looking at this piece of paper in my hands. Oh, it’s not my notes – it’s a picture of the triple Jameson I’m going to down as soon as this is over.

I just heard there was a lucrative pool on the length of the Best Man’s speech. I put my money on 40 minutes, so settle in…

Before I begin my speech, there’s just one order of business I’ve been asked to take care of. *Hold up pair of trousers with padlock on them* These are Jack’s Chastity Pants. I know he’s given keys out to various ladies over the years, but since he is now a married man, he’d like to get those copies back, so Jill is the only one with access. *Wait for the keys you strategically handed out to wedding guests to be brought up*

My name is Peter and I am the Best Man. Many of you would beg to differ, but shut up – I know your secrets.

Just a couple of rules before we begin. If you have a mobile phone – leave it switched on, entertain yourselves. And if anyone texts you any good jokes, kindly pass them up to the front.”

I’ve been told I won’t get away with a few thank yous and a quick toast. Apparently, as Best Man, I’m supposed to sing the Groom’s praises and talk about his good qualities. Unfortunately, I can’t sing and I won’t lie.

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt.  Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen – Before I came here today one of my good friends gave me some advice on giving this speech. He said think of it like walking through a nudist camp, it’s only hard for the first minute.

Now he’s getting a bit older he’s turning his attention more and more to gadgets, constantly buying stuff from ebay, amazon and I want one of those dot com. I swear he didn’t have an interest in women until he overheard someone say the secret to women was knowing what buttons to press.

I read somewhere the perfect best man speech should last as long as it takes for the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen, please raise a glass to the happy couple!

Sally is a bright, charming, wonderful woman, who deserves a good husband. It’s such a shame Harry swooped in before she could find one.

I think the main reason we’ve lasted as friends all these years is because you’re geographically convenient…and you had a trampoline.

Jack is the kindest friend anyone could ask for; a man whose philanthropy knows no bounds. ‘Generosity’ should be his middle name. He would do anything for me; like helping write a section of the best man speech because you forgot about it until late last night at the bar!

Jack was in a pub when he proposed. No, really, it was actually very romantic – he got up on one knee.

It’s strange to be giving a speech like this one, because my parents always told me that if I had nothing good to say about someone, I should just be quiet.

Seeing the happy couple walking down the aisle earlier today, I’m sure we all agree that the bride looked simply stunning. The groom, on the other hand, simply looked stunned.

So I’m the best man, although I think I was picked by default since the groom doesn’t really have any other friends.

I can only say in my defense that Mike and I share a common sense of humor so if this speech is in anyway unfunny please “Feel Free to Blame Mike.”

I’d also like to congratulate Keith on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.

John did tell me that the vicar was firmly against sex before marriage. However, Jane did assure him it would only take a couple of minutes.

Rest assured though, unlike most traditional best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, I’ve promised Dan and Anne that if there is anything slightly risqué, I’ll whip it out immediately …”

Although Ria did actually tell me Paul has always brightened up her life. Well, she actually said he never turned the lights off but it amounts to the same thing pretty much.

I’ll try to keep my speech short, because every extra minute I speak is an extra minute’s delay in witnessing how the Groom’s dance lessons worked out.

I do have to say though how lucky you are Dave, you’re leaving with a beautiful wife whom you love. And you, Miranda, you get to go home with such a nice new dress and beautiful bouquet of flowers, it’s great.

Jill, you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I promise you I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here.

Being asked to be the best man is about five minutes of glowing pride, followed by an eternity of panic and misery. Linda, I expect you had a similar experience when Paul asked you to be his wife.

I spoke to both Sally and Paul before the Wedding and I asked Paul what he was looking for in Marriage – he said “Love, happiness and a long life together.” When I asked Sally the same question – she replied – A coffee percolator!

Speaking of Jane, I would like to say how beautiful she looks today in that fantastic dress …Dan likes it too, as he told me in the church it will blend in just nicely well with the rest of the kitchen.

Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions!”

When I saw Linda heading up the aisle with her father, I thought “At last she’s seen sense, and got herself a man with looks and money.”

Before proposing, Paul went to ask Linda’s father for her hand in marriage. He said that it was fine by him, providing Paul took the hand that had spent 20 years fishing into his wallet!

I recognize my place here; being best man at a wedding is like being the dead body at a funeral. You’re expected to be there, but if you say too much people start freaking out.

If you can’t hear me in the back, let the silence in the front assure you that you’re not really missing out on anything.

A Best Man is like a dog. You love him, care about him, and he’s only thrown up and ruined your upholstery twice.

I would like to start by saying what a pleasure it is to be Best Man at Jack and Jill’s wedding. Jack made me compete for this honor today, but I was able to beat Mark the Bartender over there in rock-paper-scissors, so here I am!

I found the speech length really difficult to settle on. At one point, it ran to almost 70 minutes, so I cut it down to a five-minute speech but I just felt like too many important things were being left out. So I came to a compromise – I’m going to read the five-minute speech. Then straight afterwards, I’ll do 70-minute one and you guys can tell me which speech I should use.

What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings and is now rising to the top of his industry based solely on his intelligence, grit and willpower? A man whose charisma knows no bounds and who has already distinguished himself amongst his peers? Because I’m trying to write my Tinder profile and I’m having trouble summarizing myself.

When I sat down to write this speech I Googled “perfect best man speech”, but you had to pay to read the examples and I didn’t think it was worth it, so I’m gonna wing it.

I admit, I’m extremely nervous right now. As the people sitting near to me at the table can testify, it really is possible to smell fear.”

I must admit, I’m not used to speaking in public. Until now I thought a toastmaster was a kitchen appliance.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

You know, it’s been said that being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to Camilla Parker Bowles.. It’s a great honor but you don’t really want to do it!

I’ve been anxious about giving this speech for a while now. Fortunately last night I slept like a baby. Waking up every two hours and bawling my eyes out. Ten minutes ago, I had to ask a complete stranger to burp me.

Dave was telling me that the amazing meal this evening was charged on a cost-per-head basis, so, on the bride and groom’s behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…

What’s the difference between in-laws and out-laws? Outlaws are wanted.”

Leading up to today John and Jane were having an issue with the seating plan. Who would sit comfortably in here & who would have to get up and stand during the speeches so we decided to use wedding present list, biggest presents at front and work it back from there. So hopefully you can hear me at the back when I say on behalf of Jane and John thank‐you very much for the teaspoons.

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Funny Wedding Toasts

Funny wedding toasts are the perfect way to add a touch of humor to your wedding speech. A good toast can break the ice with a bit of laughter and put everyone at ease, while poking fun at the newlyweds in a loving way.

The following funny wedding toasts and examples are perfect for anyone raising a glass in honor of the new couple. You’ll find toasts for suitable for everyone, whether you’re a member of the wedding party or guests:

But beware, a poorly timed joke can fall flat, a tasteless remark can offend, and a poorly delivered anecdote can land with a thud. So, how does one successfully toast the matrimonial merriment?

Fear not, for we are here to guide you through the treacherous waters of wedding humor. With the following tips and examples, you’ll be crafting toasts that will have the newlyweds and guests rolling in the aisles.

How to give a funny wedding toast

Just follow these five simple steps to deliver a successful wedding toast to celebrate the newlyweds on their wedding day:

• Know your audience. What kind of jokes will they appreciate? Fun loving or a bit formal? Adjust your material accordingly.
• Keep it short and sweet. A well-placed zinger can have a much bigger impact than a rambling anecdote.
• Know your limits. There’s a fine line between funny and offensive. Don’t cross it. Avoid jokes that are mean-spirited or make light of sensitive topics.
• Practice makes perfect. Rehearse your toast beforehand to ensure a smooth and confident delivery.
• Most importantly, have fun! Loosen up and enjoy the moment. If you’re having fun, the audience will too.

Best funny wedding toasts from movies

1.) Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever. Knocked Up

2.) As Bill and Ted once said: Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes! Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

3.) I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is. Forrest Gump

4.) I love you. That’s why I make you miserable. Real Women Have Curves

5.) I love you even when you’re sick and look disgusting. Love Actually

More famous toasts and cheers from movies.

Short funny wedding toasts

1.) May your children be blessed with rich parents.

2.) Time to raise our glasses to the happy couple because I like both of you — do you have any idea how rare that is?

3.) Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. Remember: they also chose you. Cheers!

4.) Here’s to the new couple! May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom.

5.) To the happy couple. May you share everything in live, especially the housework!

6.) Now let’s toast to the two secrets to a happy marriage. A good sense of humor and a short memory.

7.) To marriage — the only battle where, once a month, you sleep with the enemy.

8.) To love, laughter, happily ever after — and to these two beauties who paid for the free bar!

Video: 7 Easy Wedding Toasts

Witty wedding toasts.

1.) What do late nights, wild parties, and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those things from now on. But congratulations on your wedding!

2.) May your marriage be so solid it could last through being on a reality show.

3.) Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.

4.) Saying ‘I do’ at your wedding is like clicking ‘Accept’ any time something pops up on your computer screen: You do it despite having no idea what will come next. Congratulations on your marriage!

One-liners for wedding speech

1.) Getting married is easy! Sundays in Ikea are when it starts getting really tough.

2.) Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.

3.) You were married by a judge — you should have asked for a jury.

4.) Marry someone your own age because as your beauty fades, so will their eyesight.

5.) You two remind me of the classic couples. Romeo and Juliet. Homer and Marge. Gomez and Morticia.

6.) If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.

7.) Marry an archaeologist — they older you get, the more interested they become in you.

8.) Now for some advice from me. The secret to my happy marriage is dinner twice a week. My partner goes on Tuesdays and I go on Thursdays.

9.) Gosh, what an emotional day it’s been. Even the cake is in tiers!

10.) Marriage is a sacred bond between two people, and let me be clear… I said “sacred,” not “scared.”

11.) There’s only one way to have a happy marriage… and as soon as I learn it, I’ll get married again.

12.) We’re gathered here today to honor something that is so truly magical, special and wonderful. Of course I am talking about that cake!

13.) Marriage is a wonderful thing entered by two people. One who can’t sleep with the window shut, and the other who can’t sleep with it open.

14.) I don’t get all dressed up for just anyone, but when two people who are so in love tell me to put on my fancy clothes, this is what happens.

Closing lines

15.) I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are lame.

16.) And now for my final words of advice, if at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way (partner’s name) told you to do it.

17.) I’ll end this toast with my best advice — never go to bed mad. Instead, stay up and fight it out.

18.) They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but you two are so in love it astounds the entire universe.

19.) Congratulations to you three: (new couple’s names) and the big mound of debt you’ve incurred with this wedding reception.

20.) Remember: In life, there are only two tools anyone really needs in their toolbox — duct tape and WD40. Duct tape keeps things from moving when they shouldn’t, and WD40 gets things moving when they’re stuck.

Funny quotes for wedding toasts

1.) I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner

2.) Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. Henry Kissinger

3.) Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are. Will Ferrell

4.) The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman

Quotes about love

5.) Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. George Burns

6.) True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part. Mindy Kaling

7.) All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles M. Schulz

8.) Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener. Pauline Thomason

9.) We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love. Dr. Seuss

Funny marriage advice quotes

10.) The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf. Ruth Bader Ginsburg

11.) Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash. Dr. Joyce Brothers

12.) A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it. Unknown

13.) To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up. Ogden Nash

14.) The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. Anne Bancroft

15.) For marriage to be a success , every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. Catherine Zeta-Jones

16.) If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married. Unknown

We hope you’ve enjoyed reading these funny wedding toasts that they provide plenty of laughs to everyone at the reception.

Check out more helpful wedding lists here:

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By Greg Johnson | Published 11/21/2023

Greg Johnson is a website editor, writer, and content designer. For over 10 years, he has covered subjects like pop culture, music, sports, history, famous quotes, and kids jokes. He is co-founder and editor of ListCaboodle.

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25 Hilarious Best Man One-Liners to Spice Up Your Wedding Speech

Crafting the perfect best man speech can be a daunting task, but injecting humor into your toast can make it memorable for all the right reasons. One-liners are a fantastic way to add a touch of comedy to your speech while keeping it light-hearted and entertaining. Whether you’re looking to lighten the mood or simply bring a smile to the newlyweds’ faces, we’ve compiled a list of 25 funny best man one-liners to help you steal the show at the wedding reception.

• “They say marriage is a lifetime commitment. So, [Groom’s Name], what’s it like signing a lifetime contract with a professional nag?”
• “I’ve known [Groom’s Name] for years, and I can honestly say he’s the luckiest man alive… at least until the honeymoon’s over.”
• “I’m honored to be the best man today. It’s like being the backup quarterback – you’re not the star, but you’re still expected to deliver.”
• “I’ve never seen [Groom’s Name] happier than when he met [Bride’s Name]. Well, except maybe that time he beat me at Mario Kart.”
• “They say marriage is about compromise. So, [Groom’s Name], how many pairs of shoes did you agree to let [Bride’s Name] keep?”
• “I always knew [Groom’s Name] was a catch. I just never thought anyone would be brave enough to reel him in!”
• “To [Bride’s Name]: Congratulations on marrying the man of your dreams. And to [Groom’s Name]: Sorry, buddy, but you peaked too soon.”
• “They say marriage is like a deck of cards. At the start, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. But by the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.”
• “I’ve never seen two people more perfect for each other than [Groom’s Name] and [Bride’s Name]. It’s like they were made for each other… or at least made to drive each other crazy.”
• “They say marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. But let’s focus on the first two for now!”
• “To the happy couple: May your love be as endless as your wedding reception bar tab!”
• “I’ve been asked to give [Groom’s Name] some marriage advice. Well, here it is: Remember, happy wife, happy life. And if she’s not happy, just buy her chocolate.”
• “To [Bride’s Name]: You’re not just gaining a husband today – you’re gaining a designated driver for life!”
• “I’ve heard marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. So, [Groom’s Name], you better start stretching now.”
• “To [Bride’s Name]: Congratulations on snagging [Groom’s Name]. Just remember, you can’t return him once you’ve opened the package!”
• “They say marriage is like a game of chess: the king always has to protect his queen. But let’s be honest, we all know who wears the pants in this relationship.”
• “I’ve never seen [Groom’s Name] more nervous than he is today. Well, except maybe that time he had to parallel park in front of his crush.”
• “To [Bride’s Name]: You’re not just marrying [Groom’s Name] – you’re joining the elite club of people who can tell him he’s wrong.”
• “I asked [Groom’s Name] if he was ready for marriage. He said, ‘I do.’ And by ‘I do,’ I mean ‘I guess so.'”
• “To the newlyweds: May your love be like Wi-Fi – strong, reliable, and never-ending!”
• “I’ve never seen [Groom’s Name] look so nervous. It’s like he’s waiting for the results of a paternity test on Maury!”
• “To [Bride’s Name]: You’re not just marrying [Groom’s Name] – you’re also inheriting his impressive collection of Star Wars memorabilia.”
• “They say marriage is about compromise. Well, [Groom’s Name], get ready to compromise on 90% of your decisions.”
• “To [Bride’s Name]: Congratulations on finding someone who’s willing to put up with your shopping habits. And to [Groom’s Name]: Good luck fitting all those shoes in the closet!”
• “I’ve known [Groom’s Name] for a long time, and I can honestly say he’s the luckiest man alive. And [Bride’s Name], well, let’s just say she’s lucky she’s pretty!”

Adding a touch of humor to your best man speech can make it truly memorable for the newlyweds and all the guests in attendance. Whether you choose to use one of these one-liners or draw inspiration from them to create your own, remember that laughter is the best gift you can give to the happy couple on their special day. So, grab the mic, deliver your toast with confidence, and get ready to bring down the house with your comedic prowess!

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• Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception? How to Write a Wedding Toast Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech How to Write a Best Man Toast Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech What to Know About a Newlywed Toast Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips 60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

60 Wedding Toast Quotes for Every Speech

Raise a glass and write these down.

Cristina Montemayor is a freelance writer and makeup artist whose work has appeared on HelloGiggles, Slate, Elite Daily, and Bustle.

Photo by David Bastianoni

In This Article

Wedding day jitters  aren’t just for the couple. If you’ve been asked to give a  wedding toast , you may feel just as nervous on the big day as the couple getting married in anticipation of your speech. Public speaking is a nerve-wracking experience on its own, but when someone you’re extremely close to asks you to give a speech on what’s supposed to be the best day of their lives, the pressure is most certainly on. 

Unless you’re a standup comedian or an exceptionally gifted writer,  writing a wedding toast  can feel like a truly daunting task. If you can’t find the words to adequately express the emotions you felt watching these newlyweds get together, tie the knot, and eventually plan a future together, don’t sweat it—just borrow someone else’s. 

Incorporating famous  wedding toast quotes and sayings into your speech is a great trick to get the audience to laugh or tug at their heartstrings, which are both qualities of a memorable toast. Sure, you’ll also want to include a few personal anecdotes, but don’t feel the need to overdo it: The best wedding toasts are short, sweet, and make everyone in the room believe in true love.

If you’re not sure where to start with writing a wedding toast , we’re here to help. Get inspired with these 60 memorable wedding quotes for every speech. 

Classic Wedding Toast Quotes

• "There is only one happiness in life: To love and be loved." — George Sand
• "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." — Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• "The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time." — Julia Child
• "Where there is love there is life." — Mahatma Gandhi
• "The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now." — Rick Warren
• "A  happy marriage  is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
• "There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage." — Martin Luther
• "Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead." — Oscar Wilde
• "The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." — Audrey Hepburn
• "When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too." — The Alchemist
• "You don't marry the person you can live with—you marry the person you can't live without." — Unknown
• "May this marriage be full of laughter, our every day in paradise." — Rumi

Funny Wedding Toast Quotes

• "It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner
• "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." — Benjamin Franklin
• "Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." — Phyllis Diller
• "May she share everything with her husband, including the housework." — Unknown Proverb
• "The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
• "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" — Groucho Marx
• "By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." — Socrates
• "Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." — Mae West
• "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
• "My husband and I have never considered divorce ... murder sometimes, but never divorce." — Dr. Joyce Brothers
• "Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
• "Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood

Romantic Wedding Toast Quotes

• "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." — Mignon McLaughlin
• "Grow old with me. The best is yet to be, the last of life for which the first was made." — Robert Browning
• " Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get—only with what you are expecting to give—which is everything." — Katharine Hepburn
• "In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine." — Maya Angelou
• "Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner. It feels limitless, not limited." — Gloria Steinem
• "To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness." — Robert Brault
• "Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century." — Mark Twain
• "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite." — Romeo and Juliet
• "You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." — Dr. Seuss

Famous Wedding Toast Quotes

• "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." — When Harry Met Sally
• "The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return." — Moulin Rouge
• "To me, you are perfect." — Love Actually
• "It’s like at that moment the whole universe existed just to bring us together." — Serendipity
• "Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy." — My Best Friend’s Wedding
• "True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." — Wedding Crashers
• "I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone." — The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
• "It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other." — Good Will Hunting
• "May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life. And if you must cheat, then please cheat death. Because I couldn't live a day without you." — Leap Year
• "To love another person is to see the face of God." — Les Miserables
• "The heart’s not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in size the more you love." — Her

Religious Wedding Toast Quotes

• "Two are better than one." — Ecclesiastes 4:9
• "Through love serve one another." — Galatians 5:13 
• "I found the one whom my soul loves." — Song of Solomon 3:4
• "Follow the way of love." — I Corinthians 14:1
• "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." — Song of Solomon 8:7
• "Deep love is stronger than life." — Jewish Proverb
• "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." — 1 John 3:18
• "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." — Genesis 2:24
• "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." — Corinthians 13:4-5
• "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us." — 1 John 4:18-19
• "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." —Corinthians 13
• "Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs." —Proverbs 10:12
• "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." — 1 Corinthians 13:13
• "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." — Matthew 19:6
• "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good." — Romans 12:9
• "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." —Psalm 143:8

A Guide to Wedding Reception Toasts

• Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception?
• How to Write a Wedding Toast
• Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech
• How to Write a Best Man Toast
• Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech
• What to Know About a Newlywed Toast
• Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips
• currently on 60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

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Find a local wedding supplier, wedding jokes for any speech.

Modern Wedding Posted: January 21, 2020

Looking to incorporate some humour into your speech? Try adding in some of these wedding jokes!

Via Red On Blonde

Cracking The Safe...

Q: Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? A: He’s trying to figure out the combination.

The Tough Truth...

Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin?  —Monica Hesse, writer

The Rings...

For newly married couples, there is a progression of rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering!

The Diagnosis...

A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?” “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.” The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

So many tiers...

It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers.

Always Right...

I married Miss Right.  I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Faults And All...

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Pants Man...

I'm not a yes man to my wife - when she says no, I say no. It's not so much who wears the pants, but how much money is in the pockets.

The Wedding Night...

Did you hear about the newlyweds who stayed up all night waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

It was the first night of the newly weds in their bridal suite and the young husband was staring out the window very intently into the starry night while his young bride was sitting patiently in bed waiting.

"Aren't you coming to bed darling?" she said sexily.

"Not on your life!" he replied. "My mother said this would be the most wonderful night of my life and I'm not going to miss it for anything!"

Laundry Day...

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

Hallelujah!...

They've been together for so many years, instead of the Wedding March the organist should have played the Hallelujah Chorus!

The Finer Things...

She (the bride) loves the finer things in life. I overheard her when the minister was going through the vows - she said "What's all this garbage about for richer or for poorer?"

The Kid Future...

It would be wonderful someday to see ______ (bride) and ______ (groom) have children. I think people who never have children just don't understand what they're missing. They'll never know the thrill of coming home after a hard day of work to see their children stuffing spaghetti up their noses.

Facebook Knowledge...

Children are essential in modern-day life - without them, how the hell would you upload anything to Facebook.

Florist Humour...

Two florists recently got married. It was an arranged marriage.

Super Stunned...

The bride looks absolutely stunning, the groom looks absolutely stunned!

For Better Or Worse...

They married for better or for worse - He couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse!

Darling, tonight you will sink into my arms and tomorrow your arms will be in my sink.

Aisle, Alter, Hymn...

Before her wedding, a young bride got more and more nervous about the wedding ceremony so she went to see the minister. He reassured her by pointing out that the ceremony was quite simple.

'You enter the church and walk up the AISLE.

The groom will be waiting for you at the ALTAR.

Everyone will then sing a HYMN to start the ceremony' said the minister. Just remember the order and everything will be fine.

On their wedding day, the bride remembered the order and arrived alongside the groom muttering to herself, AISLE, ALTAR, HYMN, AISLE ALTER, HYMN - or as the groom thought he heard "I'll alter him!"

Two Spiders...

Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.

So Much Trust...

Ladies and gentlemen, today we witnessed a unique event in history - it's the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!"

The Natural Elements...

Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

To Love, Honour and Annoy...

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Mow The Lawn...

Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They are hard to get started, they give off foul odours, and do not work half the time.

Football Fever...

I identify with football players because I know what it’s like to spend your whole life training for a large, jewel-encrusted ring.

So Unprepared...

Hi everyone! I’m (Name) and it’s time for me to give the speech I frantically scribbled down 15 minutes ago!

Terms And Conditions...

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In This Article

Funny Quotes for Your Wedding Toast

Funny toasts for friends, funny toasts for family members, one-line wedding toasts.

• Wedding Party & Reception

Funny Wedding Toasts: Unique Examples and Tips

annalenaholz_ via Instagram

Congratulations on being chosen for the job of giving a toast. The couple must really cherish you as you do them. However, while getting the slot is one thing, giving a memorable toast is often a dilemma. A perfect toast combines heartfelt words, thoughtfulness, and humor for balance. It also involves sipping drinks in agreement with good wishes for the couple. And if you want to make guests’ bellies laugh, funny wedding toasts are the right fit. Humor comes naturally to a few, but many would need help. If you fall in the latter category, see our guide to writing the best funny quick wedding toasts. We’ve curated samples and tips that you can adopt, mirror, or take inspiration from.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How long should a wedding toast be.

Wedding toasts should be no more than five minutes. The toast should last long enough to relay sweet memories but short enough not to overwhelm the guests.

Traditionally, the best man and maid of honor give the toast at the reception and just before dinner. However, the parents may also make a toast.

thesmallthingsco via Instagram

There are many ways to get funny quotes for wedding toasts. They could be original or come from your favorite movies, books, and poems like the examples below.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.- Elizabeth Gilbert To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up. – Ogden Nash The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast. – Gabriel Garcia Marquez It is sometimes essential for a husband and a wife to quarrel—they get to know each other better. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe I promise not to keep score, even if I am totally winning. – Unknown I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. – Rita Rudner Marriage is getting to have a sleep-over with your best friend, every single night of the week. – Christie Cook

If you’re looking for funny wedding reception toasts that will stay on your friend’s mind forever, we’ve got you covered. Try these ideas for maid of honor, best man, and friends.

Toasts for Best Man

phuket_wedding_planner via Instagram

The best funny wedding toasts from the best man involve four components:

• Introduction
• Funny groom stories
• Sweet words for the bride
• An upbeat conclusion

It should never be under one minute or five minutes. Also, no pressure because this isn’t the time to impress anyone with your brilliance. Also, memorize most of your toast, but you can also print it out for the wedding. See some examples below.

• …and to my esteemed audience, if you can still sand, raise your glass to the couple. I give you the newest Mr. and Mrs. Name.
• As a rule, the best man speech must involve a toast. Fortunately, the best kind of toast for me is French, so, Buvons à Ce couple Heureux.
• I end this speech with one of my favorite quotes from Oscar Wilde, “The man who says his wife can’t take a joke forgets that she took him.” Here’s to Name and name.

Wedding Toasts for Maid Of Honor

valoriedarling via Instagram

When giving a maid of honor a toast , include a short fun memory of the bride and also offer congratulations to the couple. Ensure to write how you speak so it doesn’t look like you’re reading an essay. Be natural and put your thoughts in bullet points that will help you remember. Also keep your toast clear, decent, and brief like our free funny wedding toasts maid of honor below.

• …and without forgetting the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage, raise your glasses to a good sense of humor and a short memory.
• To the bride and groom who cannot live without each other, may the roof of your home never cave in, and may you both never fall out.
• Here’s to the one who’ll always be a bride and to your forever groom, May all your troubles be weightless as bubbles or like light feathers in the air.

Wedding Toasts for Friends

The secret to writing funny wedding toasts one-liners begins with the art of storytelling. You also have to make a point, create a theme and build around your idea. Lastly, keep it engaging and bring your story to a climax that will get everyone laughing. See some of our best toast sample ideas below.

• I think men may be from Mars while women come from Venus, but the two of you are so in love and into each other that the universe feels the heat. Raise your glasses to these love birds!
• I have been in this marriage game for king and Here’s a piece of advice, don’t ever stop laughing even when the joke becomes lame.
• It takes a lot to get me dressed up, not even for anyone. But when two lovebirds that I love ask me to pull out all the stops, I show up and celebrate. So here’s to more love, life, and celebration.

Who best to make the couple laugh than family? Do a perfect job by taking a cue from these funny wedding toasts’ examples.

Wedding Toasts for Father of the Bride

christianothstudio via Instagram

As the father of the bride, pour accolades on your daughter and welcome the groom. Share sweet memories of your daughter and reminder her of your love. You have up to six minutes to charm the guests and make them laugh. Do take ideas from these examples we’ve curated below.

• As a veteran in the game, I’m telling you to remember that marriage is only a union with two people where one person is always right and the other is you. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.
• One of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made in my life is giving my daughter away. Everyone knows I’m not a generous person.
• They say the older wine stays, the better it gets. But there’s just one secret—remember to always put the cork in it.

Wedding Toasts for Father of the Groom

The funny wedding toasts to the groom would sound like a man talking to his buddy. It can also read like a father imparting knowledge to the newlyweds, seeing that you have more experience. These toasts take a jab at him with childhood memories. But you’ll also remind him of how much you love him and would always be there for him. See some examples below.

• To the new couple, may the sun not set on your anger because we know who would sleep on the couch. A toast to my son who’s become a man and my new daughter whom we have to pamper.
• Raise your glasses to the couple as they honor their vows to love, hold and annoy each other for the rest of their lives.
• We may not get to play soccer together anymore, but I happily concede to your wife. I have a new daughter after all. Live long, happy, and in love. Cheers.

Wedding Toasts for Mother of the Bride

If words aren’t your strong suits, short funny wedding toasts will do. Simply say something meaningful to your daughter and transfer wisdom. Then throw in some quotes about finding happiness. If you have a favorite quote or a poem that binds the both of you. Sometimes, you may also quote a famous line to relay your emotions and thoughts. See some toast ideas.

• Here’s to the man who conquered my daughter’s heart and mine, and to the bride whos the apple of my eye and the center of her man’s world. May you love and annoy each other for as long as you live. Cheers to the couple
• To the bride and groom of my heart, may your wedding be short, your marriage be long, and may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations. Raise your drinks to name and name.
• To my baby and the man of her heart, take your coffee every morning to avoid grumpiness and a cap of honey at night for sweetness. Cheers to my children, bow, and always.

Wedding Toasts for Mother of the Groom

daydreamer_creative_studio via Instagram

Add some character to your funny wedding toasts mother bride ideas with a personal story. It could be from his childhood, especially if he was a happy baby. Also break the ice with sweet moments you shared, while giving insight about who he is. Finish with a sweet toast that conveys your love but makes everyone laugh. See some toasts ideas below.

• Glasses raised to the groom, a man who has lost his heart to a damsel but keeps his head. May you be happy for the rest of your lives.
• I am old school, but this is a new world. So, I wish you love, modern enough to sail the times and old-fashioned enough to last a lifetime.
• I hope you love yourselves only as best friends can, and be friends only ad lovers can. Join me as I raise my drink to the newlyweds.

Wedding Toasts for Sister/Brother

Sibling rivalry is a thing, especially when it’s healthy. Bring it to the wedding in your funny brother’s wedding toasts. And even if you’re her sister, there are fun memories that you can share. Remind your sibling that you love them, sing a song, or recite a poem that connects both of you. And throw in some fun jabs for good measure. Finish with a hilarious toast that is unforgettable. See some funny toast ideas.

• Just let you know brother, love is blind and marriage is the eye-opener opener. With that said, raise your glasses to the newlyweds. May they make a happy couple forever.
• May all your ups and downs, highs and low, tough and soft, happen only in the bedroom. Happy married life and cheers to Name and name.
• To my sister, may she share everything with her husband, including the domestic chores? Happy married life once again. Cheers!

One-Line Wedding Toasts are catchy, entertaining, and straight to the point. See some meaningful funny wedding toasts samples below.

• If you want to wish the couple good luck in a concise line, this example is a great idea. It’d also be great for wishing your friend. “May the biggest blessings you wish for be the least you get.”
• Add a twist of humor to your toast for the couple. Here’s a toast you can say for your best buddy. “May your cellar be filled always with wines, and may all of your tumbles be under the covers.”
• Here’s a toast that advises the couple even while wishing them well. This toast is perfect for parents to the couple. “May the love you’ve celebrated and shown to each other today always be the first guiding light during any trying times in the future.”
• For a toast that blesses the couple, here’s a great idea to adopt. It’s suitable for anyone to say. “Whether rich or poor, quick or slow, may you know only happiness from this day till forever.”
• If you want to convey your best wishes in a toast, try this sample. It’s great for parents, siblings, and friends. “May your love stay fresh and last, until the sunset and beyond.”
• Say a prayer for the couple that doubles ad a toast. This example is appropriate for the parents of the couple. “May you never remember what is best forgotten and forget what is worth remembering.”
• Parents who prefer saying a traditional prayer with depth would love this idea. “Look down on this couple you gods, and drop a blessed crown.”

Weddings are meant for celebration, merriment, and laughter. And what better way to keep the fire burning than funny wedding toasts? Anyone can give a toast from parents to siblings, and friends at the wedding party. But make it count with the beautiful ideas that we curated. Also, learn how to create one, what to focus on, and the best way to deliver them. Check this post for tips to help you give the best toast of a lifetime.

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Wedding Day Advice | Speeches

Jokes and one-liners for your wedding speech or toast.

Hear, hear! Weaving some magic into your wedding speech

Okay. You’ve read our article on how to deliver a great wedding speech . Maybe you’ve already put the framework together, or perhaps you haven’t even got that notepad and pen out yet. Either way, you’re looking for the perfect joke, quotation, poem, one-liner or inspirational saying, to add a bit of dazzle to your moment in the spotlight. Look no further! We’ve divided our favourites into the following sections: Toasts; Sentimental Quotations; Witty One-Liners; and Jokes.

Toasts Cheers!

Toasts are typically short, heartfelt wishes, such as:

• Let us toast the health of the bride; let us toast the health of the groom; let us toast the person that tied; let us toast every guest in the room
• Here’s to the groom, a man who keeps his head though he loses his heart
• My greatest wish for the two of you is that, through the years, your love for each other will so deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least
• Here’s to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented!
• May the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out
• To the lamp of love: may in burn brightest in the darkest hours and never flicker in the winds of trial
• May your love be like the misty rain, gentle coming in but flooding the river

Sentimental quotations Well said!

Pepper your speech or toast with one of the following warm and fuzzy statements:

• Love is life – Leo Tolstoy
• Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage – Finnish Proverb
• Love is friendship set to music – Anonymous
• Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination – Voltaire
• Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit – Khalil Gibran
• Marriage is a mistake every man should make – George Jessel
• A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers – African Proverb
• Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same – Emily Bronte
• There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved – Georges Sands
• They do not love that do not show their love – William Shakespeare
• Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman - Joseph Joubert
• We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world: it’s called love – Gene Perret
• When love reigns, the impossible may be attained – Indian proverb
• Without love, the world itself would not survive – Lope de Vega
• The highest happiness on earth is marriage – William Lyon Phelps
• To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with – Mark Twain
• To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage - Lao Tzu
• In so much as love grows in you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul – St. Augustine

Or some of these longer ones:

• Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without – James C. Dobson
• What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow. – Nathaniel Hawthorne
• Marriage is like a golden ring in a chain, whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is eternity – Kahlil Gibran
• Marriage is like a pair of shears often times working in opposite directions, but punishing anyone that comes between them – Sydney Smith
• Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. – Simone Signoret
• Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. – Barnett R. Brickner
• A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin
• Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• We never live so intensely as when we love strongly. We never realize ourselves so vividly as when we are in full glow of love for others – Walter Rauschenbusch
• There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage – Martin Luther
• Come, let’s be a comfortable couple and take care of each other! How glad we shall be, that we have somebody we are fond of always, to talk to and sit with. – Charles Dickens
• When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. – Nora Ephron (When Harry Met Sally)
• When the one man loves the one woman and the one woman loves the one man, the very angels desert heaven and come and sit in that house and sing for joy. - The Brahma Sutras
• Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry ~ Tom Mullen

Or one of these:

• To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up. - Ogden Nash
• If two stand shoulder to shoulder against the gods, Happy together, the gods themselves are helpless Against them while they stand so. - Maxwell Anderson
• I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance, A church filled with family and friends. I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for, He said one that would make me his wife. - Author Unknown

Jokes A bag of laughs

A few well-timed jokes can add some spice to a wedding speech. Try some of these out:

• A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. “This is the Johnson diamond,” she said. “It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.” “What’s the curse?” the man asked. “Mr. Johnson.”
• Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
• Two cannibals just finished a big meal and one turns to the other while rubbing his stomach with his fist and says, “You know, I just ate my mother-in-law, and she still doesn’t agree with me!”
• I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburetor’. I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’.
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
• Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.
• A husband said to his wife ‘No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine’

Witty one-liners On a lighter note

Used sparingly, these saucy quips can wake up a sleepy audience:

• A wedding ring is sort of a tourniquet worn on one’s finger to stop circulation
• A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.
• Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
• “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest?
• In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
• It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
• Love is grand; divorce a hundred grand.
• Marriage is the institution where the woman loses her the name and the man his solvency.
• Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering
• Marriage isn’t a word. It is a sentence.
• Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
• My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.
• My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled ‘Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong’
• My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
• Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
• There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
• You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
• We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
• I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
• I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.
• If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
• Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
• Wedding rings: the world’s smallest handcuffs.

And from some of our favourite cynics:

• A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. – Ruth Bell Graham
• A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together – James H. Boren
• A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
• A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. – H.L. Mencken
• All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble - Raymond Hull
• Any married man should forget his mistakes – no use two people remembering the same thing. – Duane Dewel
• Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too. - H.L. Mencken
• He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of – Mae West
• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury – Groucho Marx
• I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it. – Lyndon B. Johnson
• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards – Benjamin Franklin
• Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it. – Gene Perret
• Never marry for money. Ye’ll borrow it cheaper – Scottish Proverb
• Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition – with the possible exception of closet space. - Gene Perret
• The most dangerous food is wedding cake – American Proverb
• The proper basis for a marriage is mutual misunderstanding – Oscar Wilde
• The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly. – Peter De Vries
• The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. – H.V. Prochnow
• The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. – A.P. Herbert
• When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. – Prince Philip

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Hilarious Wedding Jokes: One-Liners For A Memorable Reception

Weddings are a time of celebration, love, and joy. While the focus is on the bride and groom, it’s essential not to forget about the guests who have come to share in their special day. To ensure a truly memorable reception, one fantastic addition is wedding jokes! These one-liners are perfect for adding a touch of humor and laughter to the festivities, creating an atmosphere that will have everyone in stitches. In this article, we will explore the importance of wedding jokes one-liners, provide a collection of classic and creative ones, offer tips for delivery, and discuss potential risks and considerations. Get ready to laugh your way through this exciting journey!

The Importance of Wedding Jokes One-Liners

Weddings are often filled with formal moments, from the exchanging of vows to the first dance. While these moments hold sentimental significance, incorporating wedding jokes one-liners can add a much-needed sense of levity. These jokes act as an icebreaker, helping to create a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere for everyone present. They not only entertain guests but also foster a connection, as laughter has a way of bringing people closer together. By including wedding jokes one-liners in the reception, you are guaranteed to create memorable experiences that will be talked about for years to come.

Classic Wedding Jokes One-Liners

A. One-Liners for the Bride and Groom:

“Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops!”

“They say opposites attract, and that’s why I’m standing here today with the groom!”

B. One-Liners for the Wedding Party:

“Being a bridesmaid is like being a life-size Barbie, and today I’m rocking the dress!”

“As a groomsman, I learned you have two jobs: wear a tux and try not to trip down the aisle!”

C. One-Liners for the Guests:

“Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!”

“Why is a wedding ring like a tourniquet? It stops your personality from bleeding!”

Creative and Unique Wedding Jokes One-Liners

A. Personalized One-Liners Incorporating Wedding Details:

“They say the groom is a master chef, but tonight we’ll find out if his secret ingredient is love or burnt toast!”

“The bride and groom have chosen a scenic venue, and I must say, the view is almost as stunning as they are!”

B. Unexpected Twists and Puns:

“Why did the bride and groom go to the bakery? Because they needed to find the perfect loaf!”

“What did one wedding dress say to the other? ‘Are you ready to tie the knot?'”

C. Cultural or Theme-Based Jokes:

“In honor of their beach-themed wedding, the bride and groom have chosen a seafood menu. Tonight, we’re all getting a little ‘shellfish’!”

“This wedding is a blast from the past! The bride and groom are rocking the ’80s vibes like nobody’s business!”

Delivery Tips for Wedding Jokes One-Liners

Timing and delivery are crucial when it comes to comedic success. It’s essential to consider the audience, their sense of humor, and adjust your jokes accordingly. Rehearsing and practicing your delivery will ensure a smooth and confident performance. Also, remember to pause after delivering the punchline to allow laughter to fill the room. The key is to create an atmosphere where everyone can truly enjoy the humor and be part of the joyous experience.

Potential Risks and Considerations

While jokes can add an element of fun to the wedding reception, it’s crucial to be mindful of potential risks. Avoid sensitive topics or offensive humor that may cause discomfort or hurt feelings. Gauge the crowd’s reaction and adapt accordingly if a joke doesn’t land as expected. Remember, the goal is to maintain a balance between humor and the overall atmosphere of the wedding. By being aware of these considerations, you can ensure that your wedding jokes one-liners are a hit with the guests.

Wedding jokes one-liners are an incredible way to infuse laughter and create lasting memories on your special day. They lighten the atmosphere, engage guests, and foster connections. By incorporating both classic and creative jokes, personalized to the couple and the occasion, you are guaranteed to have everyone laughing and having a fantastic time. Just remember to deliver the jokes with confidence and be mindful of the overall wedding atmosphere. So, get ready to share a good laugh, and make your reception an unforgettable celebration of love and joy!

Jessica Rankin

Best Man Speeches – Examples, One-Liners, & Tips

Are you the best man looking to deliver a speech that everyone remembers? We know how important the moment is, and we’re here to help.

We’ve put together some great outlines of how you can build your best man speech. In each of our speech examples, we’ve highlighted a foolproof way to accomplish your desired tone.

Whether you want your best man’s speech to be funny and lighthearted or serious and inspirational, you’ve come to the right place to find ideas that will jumpstart the creative process. We will teach you how to relieve a bit of the pressure with a joke initially, get into some details about how you met the couple and what they mean to you, and then ultimately deliver the final epic toast that gets people on their feet.

We’re excited to share with you all the tips, tricks, and planning tools needed to create an excellent best man speech, including awesome examples to guide you along and inspire you.

Use Our Quick Nav Guide:

Examples by tone.

• Funny Best Man Speech Example
• Heartfelt Best Man Speech Example
• Upbeat Best Man Speech Example

Examples by Length

• Short Best Man Speech Example
• Medium Best Man Speech Example
• Long Best Man Speech Example

Examples of Speech Components

• Introductions for Best Man Speech
• One-liners for Best Man Speech
• Toasts for Best Man Speech

How to Write Your Best Man Speech

• Template / Outline
• What Not To Say
• Easy Tips To Make Writing Easy

Best Man Speech Structure

• How To Write A Best Man Speech

Best Man Speech Tips

Best man speech dos & don’ts, best man speech videos.

• One of the Funniest Best Man Speeches
• Awesome Non Traditional Best Man Speech
• Best Man Speech – Get A Standing Ovation

Best Unrehearsed Best Man Speech

• Best Man Speech – Irish Guy at Italian Wedding

3 Examples of Funny Best Man Speeches

Relieve a bit of the pressure from creating a chuckle-inducing best man speech using these three examples below as inspiration. Whether you focus on the bride a bit or pick out the most embarrassing story of the groom, you know, some solid one-liners scattered throughout your sentiments will get the job done.

The “Shower Her With Compliments” Speech

“Isn’t [Bride] looking absolutely gorgeous tonight? Not only is she beautiful, though, she’s also caring, sweet and she deserves one hell of a husband. Thankfully for [Groom], she agreed to marry him before she found one.

[Groom] gets to leave tonight having gained a wife with all of the qualities one could dream about having in a partner. [Bride] leaves tonight with a bouquet of flowers she can pop in a vase at home and cherish for a few days to come.”

The “We Go Back” Speech

“For those that don’t know me, [Groom] and I go back all the way to middle school. This means we go back to a time when [Groom} looked more like Chunk from The Goonies and less like the suave man sitting before us tricking [Bride] into thinking that watching him do the Truffle Shuffle in the mirror isn’t in her near future.

[Groom] really is the best friend I could have ever asked for. Growing up, we lived across the street from each other, so he was always really more convenient than anything else. The fact that there was an inground pool in his backyard didn’t hurt the relationship either.

But now we sit here [x] years later, [Groom] has grown into a wonderful man, and he’s sure to be a wonderful husband to you [Bride]. As long as you can get past his infatuation with Teletubbies and the fact that he went as Tinky Wink for Halloween in the fourth grade, I think you’ll make it through anything!”

The “Reasons to Marry the Groom”Speech

“Good Evening, everyone! I trust that you’re having a superb night racking up the bar tab. Sorry about that, [Groom].

Ya know, the best man speech is known for throwing out some of the most embarrassing aspects of the groom’s past. Funny stories from middle school or bringing up bad haircuts, but that’s not really my style. Instead, I’d rather make it clear to everyone just why [Bride] has decided to marry [Groom].

There are three rather simple reasons.

Firstly, he’s got really great taste. He did choose me as his best man, after all. He even decided to wear the same outfit as me today.

Secondly, when he loves, he loves hard. There’s nothing this man wouldn’t do for me. In fact, he’s spent 20 years doing nothing for me. See what you have to look forward to [Bride]?

And finally, he’s a handsome fellow. Although standing up here looking at him next to [Bride], you could have done a bit better, hun.”

3 Examples of Heartfelt Best Man Speeches

If causing a riot of laughs isn’t your style, or you want to instill just how much this day means to you and your family, go with something more serious. Your heartfelt best man speech can make just as big of an impact with a heartfelt sentiment as it can with chuckles from the crowd.

The “Thankful” Speech

“Hello everyone, it’s such a pleasure to be here tonight as [Groom’s] best man. And I want to begin by saying what an honor it is that I was chosen to stand by your side today. You’ve always been someone that I looked up to, and I am just beyond grateful that I get to share in this moment with you and [Bride].

[Groom] is someone that I’ve come to care for greatly over the years, and I am so happy that he’s found someone to share his life with and start a family with. [Groom] has always been my right hand throughout the biggest moments of my life, and I can’t wait to be able to watch everything beautiful unfold for the two of you. Cheers to a lifetime of happiness!”

The “Smart Move” Speech

“There’s an old saying about friendship that reads, “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them,” and goodness that couldn’t be more true for me and my boy, [Groom].

I could go into all the funny stories that include some of that stupidity, but instead, I’d rather focus on all the smart moves he’s made. His friendships, the relationship he has with his family, his career, it’s all a reflection of the incredible man he’s become. But really, the smartest move he’s made is marrying you, [Bride].

Let’s toast to the best decision [Groom’s] ever made. I wish you a lifetime of love, happiness, and success.”

The “She Was The One” Speech

“Ladies and gentleman, thank you all for coming out tonight to celebrate the wedding of two people we all love, [Bride] & [Groom]!

When I first met [Bride], I knew that she was the woman [Groom] would end up marrying. Even if it hadn’t dawned on him quite yet, it was obvious to everyone around just how smitten he was with her. They talk about a bride’s glow, but this man was shining since the moment he met [Bride]. He changed for the better without realizing it. And we all could see it.

He couldn’t stop talking about her. We’d go out with the boys, and [Bride’s] name would be brought up every two minutes. So when he came to me to tell me that he would be proposing, my only response was, “Well, it’s about time!”

There’s something special about these two. They go together without forcing it. They love each other without fighting it. And they care about each other without thinking about it. She was the one from the very beginning [Groom], and we’re all so happy to be able to take part in your big day. Cheers!”

3 Examples of Upbeat Best Man Speeches

An upbeat best-man speech will keep the celebratory vibe of the evening going without too many tears or glares from Grandma when the jokes go too far south. Check out our easy list of lighthearted cheers that relay your love of the couple and appreciation for your spot as best man.

The “Great Flame” Speech

“I’m so happy to see that everyone is having such a great time tonight! [Bride] & [Groom] really know how to throw a party, don’t they?

They also know how to light a fire. Dante once said, “A great flame follows a little spark,” and we’ve all seen that spark since the very beginning. And tonight, we see the fire.

Cheers to the happy couple, may the flame burn long, and sparks continue to fly!”

The “Brother” Speech

“[Groom] is my brother, so naturally, I have the long list of blackmail quality ammunition to scatter throughout this speech tonight. Don’t get scared, though [Groom], I’ll keep 2005 under wraps and not mention it.

But seriously, when we were younger, we’d do everything together. Attached at the hip, even when we were in a fight, it wasn’t until college that we parted and went down our separate paths. We grew up, started our careers, and he found [Bride]. And I couldn’t be more thankful for you [Bride] and couldn’t be happier for the two of you.

We’re gaining such a beautiful new family member today. You look stunning tonight, sister. Congratulations, I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness. Cheers!”

The “Great Man” Speech”

“What a night it has been! Will everyone please raise their glasses as I toast to [Bride] & [Groom]?

Although my first thought today was, if I’m the best man here, why is [Groom] getting to marry [Bride]?

On a more serious note, [Groom] you’re not only a great man, you really are the best man for [Bride]. And she is the best woman for you. I could sing both your praises all evening, but since I’m a terrible singer, I’ll leave that up to the band and allow everyone to keep their eardrums intact. I’m honored to be by your side today [Groom]; I wish you many years of happiness. Salute!”

Short Best Man Speech Examples

A great best man speech doesn’t have to be long to pack a punch. Add a clever one-liner with a few thoughtful sentiments, and you can get the job done while making it memorable. Here are some incredible examples of short best man speeches .

“Good evening, everyone! Let’s lift our glasses and toast to the newlyweds!

Don’t worry; your arms won’t get tired. My speech is going to be like a mini-skirt: long enough to cover the essentials and short enough to hold your attention.

[Groom], thank you for being such a stable force in my life, a great friend and an even better brother. [Bride], I think we can all agree that you’re stunning this evening and [Groom] won the lottery.

[Bride] & [Groom], tonight we celebrate you. We all wish you a lifetime of happiness, love, health, success, and laughter. May you continue to find humor in the bad and appreciation for the good. May your friendship continue to grow throughout all the years to come. Cheers!”

Medium Best Man Speech Examples

Of course, you can always go the medium-length route. If you’re looking for a best man speech that covers all of the necessary points but gets you out of there before you start to sweat, try out something like this below!

Witty Best Man Speech

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name is X, and I was chosen as [Groom’s] best man. Now, the more I think about that title, the more uncomfortable I get. It sort of implies that [Groom] has lots and lots of men, and I’ve been dubbed the favorite of the bunch. If it wasn’t for [Bride], I’d be watching my back later tonight but also a bit flattered, admittedly.

[Groom] and I grew up together. But we weren’t actually friends until we hit high school. And we didn’t become best friends until our 20’s. He needed to grow up a bit before I could take our relationship to the next level.

On a more serious note, this man is one of the highest-quality people I know. You’ve snagged yourself a good one here [Bride]. Hardworking, clever, and he’s a handsome devil too; I have no doubt that he’ll be a great husband and an even better father.

[Bride] balances his awesomeness out quite well. She’s beautiful, obviously. But getting to know her over the years, I’ve found her to be just as hardworking but also an amazing example of what it is to have a kind, giving heart. I watched [Groom] change for the better when they started dating. She softened him. And now look at them; they’re happy, wide-eyed newlyweds that we’re toasting to tonight.

[Groom], I’ll leave you with a little bit of advice that my father gave me the morning of my wedding.

“A real man never stops trying to show a woman how much she means to him, even after he’s got her.” 

I wish you years and years of happiness and love. Never stop going the extra mile for one another. When you feel yourself getting a bit too comfortable and complacent, remember that quote. Spice things up, do small things for one another, and always remind the other of how much you love them.

Cheers to you!”

Long Best Man Speech Examples

Finally, there is the long best man speech. This is a great move for someone extremely close to the groom, or even both the groom and the bride. A brother with lots of stories or a best friend that has seen a lifetime of highs and lows, you can capture it nicely in a lengthy toast to the happy couple.

“If you have no idea who I am yet, I’m [Groom’s] best friend. I’ve been around for a while, about 20 years now. So, naturally, I can tell you a lot about him. He’s handsome, witty, charismatic, intelligent … oh wait … wrong wedding.

There’s a rule, you know, there’s a certain bit of wedding etiquette we guests have to follow. No woman should look better than the bride. And no man should look better than the groom. I’d like to personally thank the ushers for abiding by that rule to the fullest. I’d also like to extend my thanks for showing up sober. You did a great job today, fellas.

Let me go ahead and get some thank you’s out of the way as well. To all of the guests, I want to personally thank you for taking the time to travel here tonight. I know some of you had to take planes or get in the car for several hours to make it and, on behalf of the lovely couple too, we’re so grateful. For everyone who helped to get this party going tonight, from the catering staff to the wedding planners, your professionalism has been superb; thank you. To all of the bridesmaids and the rest of the groomsmen, thanks for helping make everything go off without a hitch today. We nailed it. To the bride and groom’s parents, thank you for raising these two amazing people we’re all here to celebrate tonight. None of our lives would be the same without them, and that’s all thanks to you. And lastly, [Groom] wanted me to thank [Bride] for showing up today. It means more than you know.

[Groom] and I truly do go way back. We go back all the way to middle school. Sitting in homeroom, we watched as the 7th-grade wish list was being passed around the classroom. The problem with this scenario was that we were both in 8th grade, and somehow both ended up sitting in the wrong class with no one that looked familiar for nearly an entire period. We were soulmates.

And for the past two decades, he’s been by my side for every wrong move, every high, every low, and all the biggest moments. I’m so grateful that I was able to be here tonight to celebrate alongside not only [Groom] but [Bride] too.

Their relationship is something to admire. It’s always been easy with the two of them. And I believe that when something is meant to be, there doesn’t need to be a fight. You can see how easy it is for them to love one another, and it’s something that we should all strive for one day, to find a person that is so easy to love you do it without even being conscious of it. [Groom] wakes up in the morning with his heart beating, his lungs breathing, and his entire body-loving [Bride]. It just is. And that’s a beautiful thing.

The night [Groom] came home after his first date with [Bride], he wouldn’t shut up. I was studying for midterms, and he came in with the goofiest, biggest grin on his face. Actually, he almost looked guilty of something. I asked him, “What did you do?”

You want to know what his response was [Bride]?

He said, “I just fell in love.”

And the rest is history. I’ve been saving that tidbit of knowledge for years now. I didn’t want my man to lose any of his street cred, but the jig is up friend, you’re a huge romantic, sap, and we all love you for it.

Now it’s time to raise our glasses and toast to the future of this newly-married couple. May your lives be filled with adventure, overwhelming amounts of movie dates and Friday night pizza, children playing in the backyard, beach vacations, love, laughter, and a blissful marriage through and through. Cheers!”

10 Introductions for your Best Man Speech

Get your speech started eloquently with one of these introductions. Use some of these ideas to jumpstart your writing process and personalize it to your liking. Welcome the guests in style and calm your nerves right from the start.

• “First, allow me to introduce myself. I’m [Best Man], and it’s both an honor and a pleasure to be standing beside [Groom] today as his best man this evening.”
• “Ladies and gentleman, I’d like to formally welcome you to the wedding of [Bride] and [Groom]. Thank you so much for coming out and celebrating with us tonight.”
• “Good evening, everyone! It’s now the point in the evening where some of us have to get up out of our seats and make fools of ourselves. Looks like I’m up first.”
• “Firstly, I’d like to personally thank you all for coming and celebrating such a special occasion with us.”
• “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen; I want to thank you all for coming such a long way to celebrate with us. For those that don’t know me, I’m [Best Man] [Groom’s] brother/best friend/etc.”
• “Hello everyone! For those that haven’t bought me a drink yet tonight, my name is [Best Man], and I’m a fan of Jack and Coke.”
• “Hello ladies and gentlemen, I’m [Best Man], and I was chosen to be [Groom’s] best man tonight. Or I was the best he could do. Or I was just the only one that would agree to do it.”
• “For those that don’t know me, allow me to introduce myself. I’m [Best Man]. And for those that do know me, I apologize.”
• “I’ve got to say it, ladies and gentleman. Does [Bride] not look absolutely stunning tonight? [Groom] you look alright.”
• “Good evening, everyone! Before I begin my duty to give [Groom] an uncomfortable, embarrassing few minutes, I want to take the time to say thank you for coming out and celebrating tonight.”

10 One-Liners for Your Best Man Speech

Add a joke or two into the mix of your best man speech and get everyone relaxed and chuckling. This part of the evening is all about light-hearted laughs, and the best man is the go-to choice for getting the party started. Here are 10 one-liners and jokes you can scatter throughout your best man toast.

• “I heard there was a bet going around about how long the best man speech was going to be. I went in with a 20 on 45 minutes, so get comfortable, everyone.”
• “The time has come for the groom to get quite uncomfortable in his seat and maybe even shed a tear or two. That’s right; I’m about to hand him the drinks bill.”
• “[Groom] is the kind of guy you don’t have to worry introducing the parents too. That’s why [Bride] didn’t worry about doing it until today.”
• “As best man, it is my duty to start telling you all about all of the embarrassing things that have happened to [Groom] in all [x] years of his life up until the happiest day of his life until I started this speech.”
• “[Bride], you are a wonderful woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I won’t stop until I get to the bottom of what’s happened here.”
• “[Groom] has so many wonderful attributes. He’s charming, handsome, witty …. Ummm … I’m sorry [Groom] I’m having trouble reading your handwriting.”
• “I’m quite nervous. Just ask the people sitting at my table. It truly is possible to smell fear, isn’t it, folks?”
• “I’m sure you all can agree that it’s been an emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers!”
• “I was told that the best man speech needed to last for as long as the groom takes to make love. Raise your glasses, everyone!”
• “Everyone, let me just preface this by letting you know how nervous I am. I’m really not used to public speaking, and when I get nervous, I’ve been known to mispronounce some of my words.”

10 Toasts for Your Best Man Speech

And finally, end your best man toast with an uplifting quote or wish for the happy couple. Toast to the newlyweds and do it in a way that’s both memorable and personal with our help.

• “Now, please join me in raising your glasses as we toast to the Bride and the Groom. I give your Mr. and Mrs. [x]!”
• “I would like to wish you a lifetime of health, wealth, happiness, and love. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s toast to the bride and groom.”
• “What an honor it has been to serve as [Groom’s] best man. And it’s even more of an honor to ask you all to join me in toasting the newlyweds. Cheers!”
• “Allow me to leave you with this, “there is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved.” May your happiness last a lifetime. We toast to you.”
• “Now remember this. There are two things that will make a marriage last: a sense of humor and selective hearing. Cheers!”
• “Ladies and gentleman, let’s toast to the bride and groom. And leave off with a thought from John Lennon and Sir Paul McCartney, “Love is all you need.”
• “Let us all wish [Bride] and [Groom] years and years of happiness. May you be friends to each other only as lovers can, and may you love each other only as best friends can.”
• “Congratulations on this big step in your lives. Let’s all raise our glasses and toast to the happy couple. May years of happiness and amazing memories await you!”
• “For this is [Bride] and [Groom’s] time. And it’s time to raise your glass high in the air. To the bride and groom! We wish you a long and happy marriage.”
• “To my very best friend and brother, and to his beautiful new wife, we salute you! Now let’s dance, drink and have a slice of cake!”

Easy Best Man Speech Template to Follow

If you’re starting from scratch, use this fool-proof, easy best man speech template. Follow along as you fill in your own quips and memories throughout your speech. We’ve already inspired you with different examples and even some one-liners to fit inside; now it’s time to start writing!

• Welcome the guests
• Talk about you and the groom’s history / Introduce yourself
• Add in a bit about the groom’s personality, character, and accomplishments
• Speak about the bride and them as a couple
• Toast to a happy marriage

10 Things Not To Say In Your Best Man Speech

It’s common knowledge, and expected, for the best man to give the groom a bit of a hard time. Teasing and sharing embarrassing stories are all a part of the fun. But, some things should be avoided completely. When writing out your best man speech, these are 10 things to not ever say or include in the spiel.

• Leave out the ex-girlfriends – or ex-wives. If there’s an ex at all, don’t mention it.
• Nix the curse words. Phrases involving any of those four-letter creations should be left out.
• Never, under any circumstances, embarrass the bride. She should never be a part of the punchline.
• Don’t mention anything about the bachelor party, especially if it could get him in trouble. Leave it in the past.
• Dig on the groom a bit but don’t dig on marriage. Your jokes shouldn’t downplay what a big, GREAT step this is for them.
• Don’t dig on the in-laws either – on either side. Besides, they’re most likely footing the bill for the entire event.
• “Drunken night” shenanigans can be left out of your walk down memory lane as well.
• A long list of “umms” or “likes” shouldn’t take center stage.
• Compliment the bride but don’t be creepy or cross the line.
• Juvenile jokes like, “We all thought he was gay for so long!” should be left back in middle school.

7 Tips for Writing Your Speech

When it comes time to sit down and write out your speech, take a big, deep breath, you want to sprinkle in some creativity, originality, and some hard work too. It’s okay if you don’t finish it in your first sitting. Allow yourself to become inspired, follow these 10 tips for making writing your best man easy, and you’ll have it ready in no time!

• Give yourself time. Don’t wait until the night before. You’ll allow your nerves to take over and may get writer’s block if you start writing the last minute. Choose a night when you’re relaxed and let your creativity flow. Try writing out a rough draft a few months before the wedding before you get caught up in all the pre-event activities.
• Pay attention to your intro. If you start out strong, whether with a great story or a funny one-liner, you’ll have everyone’s attention throughout the entire speech.
• Write it down. Write it down. Write it down. Yes, this is about writing your speech, but we also want you to make sure you practice it and have it on paper the day of, just in case.
• Don’t forget a joke . Even if you want to go with a speech that’s a bit more serious and heartfelt, add a few quips or jokes about the groom in there. It helps break up the emotion and provides comic relief.
• Have a Plan B up your sleeve. Whether it’s a joke or turning to the bride and shining a light on how stunning she looks, plan for a misplaced speech or a case of stage fright.
• Take a walk down memory lane . Extended family and friends may not know who you are. Let them know and let them in on why you were chosen as the best man.
• Thank everyone. Finally, you must extend a grateful hand. It’s a nice gesture from the bar staff to the bridesmaids, and it will plump up your speech.

The best man speech format is pretty straightforward. The first part of the speech is geared towards getting guest attention. Ideally, the best man should have a great one-liner to open up the best man speech. See our best man one-liner examples for some inspiration. The next step is to introduce yourself personally and explain who you are to those who don’t know you. Make light of the occasion, maybe talk about the location, the idea of marriage, or something regarding the ceremony. These are all excellent opportunities for amusing asides.

The next part of the best man speech structure is focusing on the groom. To be specific, this is the chance to poke some fun at the groom. Talk about your relationship with the groom, offering guests a funny and entertaining version of how you first met, your first impressions, and why you’re still good friends now. Remember, it can’t all be a comedy, you need to something nice about the groom.

Next, it’s time for the bride. Don’t poke fun at her. Talk about how gorgeous she looks, how much you like her as a friend. This is an excellent time in the speech to talk about why the newly married couple will be so great together.

At this stage, you’re coming towards the end of the speech. Get ready for your toast (see example best man toasts ). You might want to give the bride and groom some sage advice, potentially an amusing observation about marriage. Finish up with a light-hearted toast to the bride and groom.

How To Write a Best Man Speech

Start by writing down thoughts freely about the bride and groom and your relationship with them.

• How do you know them?
• Why did they choose you as the best man?
• How would you describe each of them? What are the first five adjectives that come to mind?
• What was the groom like before he met the bride? How has he changed knowing her?
• How did they meet? How did the groom tell you about her?
• You may wish to think about marriage advice you’ve received or have learned if you are married.
• Are there any particularly amusing anecdotes that illustrate who the bride and/or groom is?
• Read through this gallery of sample classic wedding toasts and highlight any that seem particularly appropriate to you.

Once you’ve done that, it’s time to craft those ideas into a heartfelt and entertaining toast. You should have a great framework with which to work.

There are some easy-to-follow tips when preparing your best man speech. Follow these for a seamless and great best man speech:

Be Prepared & Invest Time: Plan your speech ahead of time. Write it down, get ideas and start thinking about it early. There is nothing worse than a best man who walks into the wedding thinking he is going to speak off the cuff. It is evident when you do that, and it usually sucks, so don’t.

It Is About Your Friend & His Wife: It is so easy to come up with jokes and poke fun at your close buddy for 10 minutes. That’s no fun for the rest of the guests, and while you’ll enjoy it, it doesn’t focus on what’s important, which is that your buddy just married the woman of his dreams. Think of stories from you and your buddy’s past that show what a great guy he is, and remember that the speech’s goal is to celebrate the couple and make them look good.

Stay Sober(ish) : Liquid courage is great in moderation. Sure, have a few drinks to calm your nerves, but don’t go crazy early and be messy for your best man speech. It is a pretty simple rule, but just make sure you’re not sloppy drunk.

Open Strong: There is no shame in using a one-liner to get things going. It is essential that you have guests excited, and you build the confidence to deliver an excellent best man speech. Once you have your opening line down, immediately thank all the guests who made the day possible. Single out the bride and groom’s parents by name, and offer a toast to them for not only putting on the wedding but for raising two fine people. Start your speech like this, and you’ll be the best man everybody loves.

Be Yourself (Unless You’re an A**hole) : No need to get formal or try to be someone you’re not. And there’s no need to follow these instructions exactly either. Simply use them as a guide and be yourself. Let it flow naturally. Use your natural voice and mannerisms. Make it personal and sincere and say things from the heart, and you should be golden.

Tell A Nice Story & Make A Connection: The ideal way to structure a best man speech is to find a connection between a story about your friend and your support for the couple. Share a story about how your friend would always lament that he would never find a woman with x,y, and z qualities, but how he finally did in his new bride. Or tell a story about the moment when you were hanging out with the couple, and you realized your friend had found his match. Another good angle is to talk about the way that the bride and groom balance one another.

Don’t Talk About The Groom’s Exes : Keep your speech on topics that aren’t controversial, offensive, or embarrassing. Don’t talk about the groom’s past girlfriends. This is an easy tip to follow; just use some common sense.

No Inside Jokes: This is a crucial rule, yet very hard to execute. You and your friend have stories, inside jokes, and things only the two of you (or a select few of your friends) know about. Now isn’t the time to bring that stuff up. Think about the audience and ensure that whatever you talk about is something that most people can relate to.

Short is Sweet: Everybody hates long speeches. There will be many speeches, and the best man speech usually is last, so guests will be eager for you to finish so they can grab another drink or have a dance. Aim for no more than 7 minutes, max.

End With A Toast & Quote : Don’t reinvent the wheel. There are hundreds of wonderful quotes about marriage, love, and weddings, not to count the Irish toasts you can use to end your speech (we’ve assembled some example toast quotes you can use). Find one that wraps the toast up nicely and leaves people feeling the warm and fuzzies.

It is essential to be aware of the things you need to do to deliver an excellent best man speech and things that you need to stay away from at all costs. There aren’t that many, but you better pay attention. You must understand that best man speech is a very popular source of entertainment for weddings today. The more suitable you can make the best man speech for the occasion, the better.

DON’T: Milk it and make it about you. Remember, it is about the bride and groom, not you. A great best man speech should be less than 7 minutes and should focus on the couple.

DO: Limit Anecdotes. If you do decide that an anecdote is worth relating – and some definitely are – make it the centerpiece of your speech, not one of several stories that get lost in the mix. Also, only use stories that are relatable to most people.

DO: Be funny, but not that funny. The best man gets to poke some fun at the groom, but remember, this is his day. Don’t destroy him in front of 200 people. Balance friendly digs with praise and well-wishes. A good best man speech is all about balance.

DON’T: Mention Ex Girlfriends. Yep, the second time we’re mentioning this one on the same page. There’s a reason. Stay away. If you can’t see why talking about your buddy’s exes on his wedding day might upset some people (not least the bride), then you’re an idiot.

DO: Compliment the bride. No making fun of the bride other than to point out her poor choice in companion as a husband. It is REALLY her day, so don’t mess with her. This is how best men go missing and get hurt badly.

DON’T: Swear . The language you and your buddies use when telling stories may be appropriate over beers at a BBQ, but not at a wedding. You’re addressing a lot of guests from a wide range of backgrounds and ages. This isn’t the time to push it when it comes to language.

DON’T: Read from a piece of paper the whole time. Practice your speech, learn it and get comfortable. Learning your speech may not be your idea of fun, but it will make all the difference in how the guests perceive you. Can’t remember the whole speech? Then work on the stuff that really makes a difference, the opening line and the closing toast.

DO: Go out with a bang . It is pretty easy to get the opening line right, but you need to be ready to go out hard as the speech ends. It’s your closing comments that people will remember the clearest. Speak up, stand tall and deliver that final toast with gusto.

DO: Choose a short and sweet story . Don’t tell 5-minute stories. If it can’t be said in less than 30 seconds, toss it out. Stories that require a lot of background (no matter how funny or relevant) just aren’t going to keep people’s attention.

Video Examples of Some Great Best Man Speeches

While researching best man speeches, a friend recommended we check out Youtube. Smart idea! We found loads of great best man speeches that were terrific examples of what to do. Everybody has their delivery and approach so keep that in mind.

One of the Funniest Best Man Wedding Speeches Ever!

We’re still laughing at this best man speech we found online. We are definitely stealing some lines from this one.

Our Favorite Best Man Speech Ever – Not Traditional!

The sheer creativity and uniqueness of this best man speech are worth watching. It is a long video but well worth it. This is how you get over 13 million views on YouTube!

How to Get a Standing Ovation

CJ Abeleda delivers a heart-warming, funny, and emotional best man speech for the groom of his only sister that culminates in tears, laughter, and a standing ovation.

It is rare that somebody unprepared can pull off an epic best man speech like this guy. I know I couldn’t do it if I wasn’t prepared, which is why this is super-impressive.

Hilarious Best Man Speech – Irish Guy at Italian Wedding

Matt Gunn gives a funny Best Man speech at his best friend Paul’s wedding. When I say Irish and Italian, I mean their heritage. Very funny.